Reluctantly, I turned my attention to her. I was being a dick, wasn’t I? “Sorry?” I vowed to focus on her for the rest of the night.
She grinned, but there was a tinge of sadness to it. “You love Valentine. I always kind of suspected it, but that moment between you was so hot, there’s no denying it now.”
Her words were like ice through my veins. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t, Micah. Only Graham and I noticed. And I won’t say anything. You can’t be with her. I get it. The Fairchilds have done a lot for you.”
I frowned, extremely uncomfortable to have something so private known by anyone.
Alison leaned into me. “You know my mom remarried last year, right?”
Confused by the random change of subject, I nodded.
“Well, the guy she married has a son. He’s a freshman in college. And I have an insanely large crush on him. Crushing on your stepbrother? Not cool. And never gonna happen. So I get it.” She gave me a commiserating look.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Me too.” Her arms tightened around my neck. “But that’s why we have each other. To distract us from who we really want and can’t have.”
Sadness overwhelmed me, and I buried my head in her neck, holding her closer.
Maybe I should be more excited about college. It would get me the hell away from the torment, and maybe I could finally get over Valentine.
Chapter Four
MICAH
AGE 19
My palms were sweating.
I clenched them into fists and told myself to toughen up. Ye of so little faith. I wasn’t going into battle. I was finally letting myself lose a battle I should never have been waging.
And I couldn’t believe it was Mom of all people who made me see things clearly.
But last year, my mom had worked really hard to stay clean after rehab. Caroline practically forced her to stick with it, and that woman could be the most stubborn person on the planet. Sometimes that was an outstanding quality, say, for helping someone like my mom deal with addiction. Not so great for supporting (or not, in this case) her daughter.
Valentine.
The person I was on my way to see now.
As soon as she hit eighteen, Valentine moved to the city, got three jobs, and rented an apartment with a friend she’d met at a flea market two summers ago. Summer. Summer was flaky and smoked a lot of jay. I worried Val couldn’t depend on her. But Valentine was a little defensive about her, so I kept my mouth shut. She was getting enough crap from her parents about her life choices on a daily basis. She didn’t need me doing it too.
Part of me was a little concerned that Valentine was drifting through life, but I continually reminded myself that she wasn’t me. She didn’t need to know what her future might look like. There was still time for her to find the thing that made her happy. I thought she’d do something with her clothes designing, but so far she was bartending, working in a chocolate shop, and answering customer service calls for a small internet start-up.
Val seemed content.
Mostly. She got hassled a lot by her parents, which I know wasn’t fun. We’d both stayed at the Fairchilds’ place for Christmas, and my mom joined us. Mom and I were more than a little uncomfortable when Caroline chose Christmas Eve as the “perfect time” to give Valentine shit about her future. I thought Val’s head was going to explode with rage.
Thankfully, Jim stepped in before I did and asked Caroline to promise not to say another word the entire holiday. However, it hung in the air between mother and daughter, the awful tension.
That wasn’t why my palms were sweating as I made my way across town to Valentine’s crappy apartment. The apartment I wanted to get her out of but knew I never could because one of the many reasons I loved her was her thousand-mile-long independent streak.
Nah, my palms were sweating because Mom had given me a big kick up the ass on Christmas Day.
Handing Mom the rinsed plate to put in the dishwasher, I tried to think of something to say. We’d offered to clean up since Caroline and Jim had cooked. Valentine looked ready to offer to help, too, but her mom had shaken her head. It was a not-so-obvious attempt to give me and Mom alone time.
It wasn’t like we hadn’t been alone over the last two years. But every time I tried to speak, the well of shit that bubbled up inside just kind of choked me.
“Caroline’s too hard on that girl,” Mom whispered.
I gave her a sharp look.
She smirked. “Yeah, I know. Those in glass houses, right? I know I’m not in the position to judge, but …” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure we were still alone. The Fairchilds had retreated to the family den to watch Christmas movies. “I once was Valentine. The kid among the overachievers who just wanted to experience life first. She’s got more grit than me, though. I can see it in her eyes. She’ll be okay. But Caroline needs to ease up, or she’ll lose her like my mom lost me.”
Unease niggled at me because I knew Mom wasn’t wrong. “Hopefully, it won’t come to that.”
“Hopefully.”
I moved to hand her another dish.
“She’s in love with you, you know.”
The dish slipped between my fingers, but Mom’s reflexes were fast, and she caught it before it crashed to the floor.
She gave me a reassuring smile. “You really didn’t know?”
“Valentine?” I leaned heavily against the counter.
I didn’t want her opinion to give me hope, but … I couldn’t help it.
“You should tell her how you feel.”
She knew I loved her back? “What?”
Mom covered my hand with hers. “Sweetheart, you two couldn’t be more obvious if you tried. And yet, neither of you seems to recognize how the other feels.”
“Obvious?” Did the Fairchilds suspect?
It was as if she was a mind reader. “Caroline sees only what she wants to see, but I can tell Jim knows. He just doesn’t know how to feel about it.”
“How can you tell Valentine feels the same?” I could barely hear anything over the pounding of my heart. I’d spent a year and a half at college trying to distract myself from the girl I’d left behind. Sometimes it felt like it was working, that the distance was helping. But I couldn’t let her go. When I had time, I’d check in on her in the city, and we’d spend all day together. Then I’d find myself back at square one, fucking pining for her.
“The way she looks at you. The way she lights up from the inside out when you walk into the room. You make her feel good about herself, and I don’t think many people in her life make her feel that way.” Mom squeezed my hand. “I’m so proud of the person you are.”
Emotion thickened my throat. “Thanks.”
“Don’t waste a moment of your life. Not like I did. You need to tell her, kid.”
Guilt pierced me. “They’ve helped us. Both of us.”
She knew I referred to the Fairchilds. Mom frowned. “Yeah, they have. And I’ll be forever grateful for what they’ve done for you in particular. But that doesn’t mean you owe them your happiness. So what if you and Val dating makes them a little uncomfortable at first? They should feel lucky as hell to have you being the guy sharing their girl’s life. And they’ll eventually come around when they recognize what a good thing it is.”