But his personal computers were on the unorthodox side, especially since they all sounded like they were high-class call girls and he talked to them on a level that was much too intimate for someone who didn’t exist. After meeting Carver’s computer women, I wasn’t exactly excited about artificial intelligence gaining in popularity.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said, leaning over to kiss Jack goodbye.
“Text me when you’re done and we’ll grab some lunch if you’ve got time,” he said.
I brightened up at that. “I’ll make time for lunch. I had a dream about chips and queso last night. You know what that means.”
“Maybe you’re pregnant?” Jack quipped.
“I was going to say it means it’s time for a visit to Taco Joe’s.” My mind was drawing a blank. “What? What did you say?”
“I think you blacked out for a moment,” Jack said, unbuckling my seat belt for me. “Sorry, I can’t help myself. Your reaction is just too funny. I know you’re not ready yet. I won’t pressure you. But I’m going to have fun with it from time to time. I’ll just keep talking about it real subtle like until you’re used to the idea.”
“I hate to break it to you, but I think you need to look up the definition of subtle in the dictionary.” I shook my head, grabbed the evidence bags, and I half fell out of the Tahoe.
“You’re buying lunch,” I said, and closed the door, hurrying up the ramp that led to the side door of the funeral home.
I had to give Jack credit. His subtlety was weighing on me like a ton of bricks.
Chapter Four
The fresh smell of coffee assaulted my nose when I entered the funeral home. I hung my jacket and winter gear in the mudroom, and took off my all-weather boots in exchange for the Crocs I kept under the bench.
The funeral home was divided into public and private spaces, and the kitchen and everything to the right of it was considered private, including my office and the lab in the basement.
Lily and Sheldon were sitting at the island with a box of donuts between them, drinking coffee, when I walked in. Their heads were pressed together conspiratorially, and I wondered what gossip they were sharing. If there were two more opposite people on the planet it had to be Lily and Sheldon, but they’d somehow formed a friendship that ran true and deep.
“What’s going on?” I asked, eyeing them suspiciously.
“I was just telling Sheldon there’s a girl I want to introduce him to,” Lily said. “She’s the manager at the shipping store. I think they’d be a good match. She said she doesn’t have a boyfriend and she has her own apartment.” Lily waggled her eyebrows at Sheldon and he turned scarlet. “You should come with me one morning and I’ll introduce you.”
“I don’t have anything to ship,” Sheldon said.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
“I always have things to ship,” Lily said. “I get all these subscription boxes and then I end up having to return half the stuff in them.”
“Then why do you sign up for the subscription boxes?” I asked.
“Because I always have hope that what’s in them will be as cute as what they advertise,” she said. “And if we don’t have hope, we don’t have anything.”
“I don’t know if that’s true,” Sheldon said. “There’s no data on that to my knowledge.”
“You’ll have to take my word for it,” Lily said.
“Okay,” Sheldon said.
Lily beamed and took another donut. “It’s settled then. We’ll go tomorrow during our lunch break.”
Sheldon looked like he’d been hit in the face with a two-by-four, so I moved to the coffeepot in hopes it would help untangle the conversation I’d just been witness to. I stared at it for a few seconds, trying to remember how many cups I’d already had, and I figured if I couldn’t remember then I should probably opt for a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Thanks for coming in on your day off,” I told them, opening the water and taking a drink.
“Oh, sure,” Lily said. “My plans for the day got cancelled anyway and I’m mostly caught up on schoolwork. That was a lie. I’m never going to be caught up on schoolwork. But any time you’re working and learning it should technically count as schoolwork, right?”
“That’s the philosophy I used in med school,” I told her.
“Besides, my mind can’t focus on any of that stuff. Cole and I had all these plans. Do you know this is the first time we’ve both had a day off at the same time? Whenever we make plans he gets called into work. Or if he has a day off he gets called into work. How are we supposed to spend any time together?”
“That’s cop life,” I said. “But working together makes it easier. I wish I could tell you it’ll get better, but it doesn’t. I’ve found that if you don’t make plans at all you don’t get disappointed. Then when he actually does have time off you do something spontaneous and then it’s more of a surprise.”
“That makes no sense,” Sheldon said.
“That’s cop life too,” I said, smiling.
“Did you know the divorce rate among sworn officers is between 60 and 70 percent?” Sheldon asked. “And statistically speaking, when one of the couple is in a non-first responder position, the divorce rate is even higher. I’m not sure you’ve really thought your relationship with Detective Cole through.”
Lily didn’t seem offended at all. “I appreciate your concern, Sheldon. We’re just taking things one step at a time. I know what the statistics say, but we can’t live our lives based on someone else’s data.”
“Did you know divorce rates in the mortuary industry are very low?” he asked, his eyes wide behind his Coke bottle glasses. “I think it’s because we have a greater understanding of the finality of life, and continuing to look for spouses because of dissatisfaction is a waste of time and energy, and it shortens the lifespan.”
“Oh, Sheldon,” Lily said, patting his hand gently. “You’re such a romantic. You’ll find a lucky lady someday who looks forward to hearing about all that knowledge in your head. Maybe as soon as tomorrow.”
“I hope she can cook tuna casserole,” he said. “We should ask her. It’s my favorite, and women really don’t put a lot of emphasis on learning to cook these days.”
“Want a donut?” Lily asked me, laughter in her eyes.
“I’ve already had one,” I said, even as I was reaching for a plain glazed. “Did you get our guest settled?”
“We tagged her and started the paperwork for you,” Lily said. “She’s in the cooler. I thought you’d be a lot longer.”
“Yeah, well, the victim’s husband isn’t exactly the grieving widower,” I said. “Since y’all are here, you can come down and assist if you want or you can head home. Up to you.”
Lily shrugged. “I’m good to stay and help. Cole texted and said he’s up to his neck in canvassing the area and looking for witnesses.”
“I can stay too,” Sheldon said. “Mother has her blackjack Bible study group on Mondays.”