She looked from the doorway Duncan had disappeared through to Uncle Elliott, whose expression was both irritated and frightened. She suspected he did not get yelled at with such passion very often.
Instead of fantasizing a dramatic escape, she thought of what she could do without two good feet. The answer was the same one she’d had most of her life when faced with this sort of decision—use your mind and keep your focus. She took a deep breath and consciously relaxed the muscles that had tightened over the last several minutes. She should not have let her frustration get the better of her. She also should never have let the possibility of running her own school dominate her thoughts as it had these last weeks.
She consciously kept her voice calm when she spoke, hoping to contrast Duncan’s parting words. “One of the partners in the accounting firm where Duncan works has hired his nephew. That nephew is now threatening Duncan’s security there. My school is to be sold, and there is no way of knowing if the new owners will continue to employ a female mathematics teacher. We are both facing uncertainty, and Duncan saw us marrying each other as a solution to those insecurities.”
Uncle Elliott looked at her. “Duncan saw this as a solution? But not you?”
“More than I should have, I’ll admit. But I learned a long time ago that the only way to avoid disappointment is to not have any expectations, so I had at least kept them tempered. Duncan does not think that way; he sees ideals as possibilities and does not understand why the logical solution is not always the one that is realized.”
She pushed herself up from the chair. With the help of her cane, she found her balance and limped a few steps toward the door before turning back to look at him.
“You are a good man, Uncle, and I know that your intentions for these marriage inheritances are rooted in wanting the best for us. Since Peter and Timothy have successfully attained your goals for them, your belief that Duncan and I can achieve the same result has been encouraged. However, Duncan and I have been given difficult circumstances in life that do not put us in the same situation as the others.” She waved toward her foot currently hidden by her skirt. “I will never overcome my defective foot, and Duncan is not going to overcome his literal nature that makes relationships of all kinds difficult for him to manage, including those with the men for whom he works.
“If nothing else, I hope you will consider his situation and see if you can help him find a solution. I do not think he will be able to manage one on his own, and I worry for his future. I will try to help him understand. I am sure he will apologize for his behavior when he has calmed down.”
Uncle Elliott said nothing as she limped out of the room with her “public” gait, then she fell into the more rocking ambulation as she continued unseen so that she could move faster and with less pain to her hips, both of which hurt all the time now.
So much for prayer and hope and soft air.
It seemed to take her forever to find Duncan in the garden. He was pacing and muttering to himself but did not seem as angry as he’d been in the study, for which she was grateful. She’d felt his rising tension as the meeting had moved away from their goal, but she had not expected the explosive anger. His anger was not frightening to Hazel. Perhaps because the anger was not directed at her, or perhaps because, despite his having punched Mr. Ludwig, she felt an overall gentleness about him which seemed his natural disposition.
The day was cold, and she’d have liked to have a shawl, but that would have necessitated going to her room to fetch it and that would have been more steps than she could manage. She spied a bench and gratefully headed for it; she had not done this much walking in a long time, and her hips were on fire.
He did not seem to notice that she’d joined him for a nearly a minute, and only then because she cleared her throat. “Duncan?”
“What?” he barked.
Excellent question. She took a breath and thought of her former student who reminded her so much of Duncan. She’d helped talk Audrey through her fits of temper several times; for all Audrey’s intellect and ability, she seemed to reach a threshold of frustration sooner than other people. Once Audrey had reached that level, it was very difficult for her to change the course of her emotions on her own.
“Would it help to talk through your feelings?”
He stopped mid-stride and stared at her, full in the face. She felt the intensity of it, and wondered if he avoided such direct eye contact because it was always this intense to him.
“Catherine used to say that when I was upset. ‘Talk to me, Duncan,’ she would say. ‘You can better understand your own feelings if you explain them to someone else.’”
“I suppose great minds think alike,” Hazel said, smiling to hide her discomfort of being compared to the fallen woman who had filled the role of his mother. “Did it help to talk about how you felt when you were upset?”
He was still looking at her. He had very nice eyes, rich brown with a black ring on the outer rim that blended with the brown unless you looked very closely. His slicked-back hair had begun to fall out of its style, a lock hanging over part of his face. He tucked it behind his ear.
“It was helpful to talk to Catherine about my feelings when I was upset, but Catherine is dead.”
She hid her surprise at his bluntness, but nodded and turned her hands out, palms up. “Then talk to me. Tell me what you are feeling. I will listen just as Catherine did and try to help you better understand yourself and the situation.”
He began to pace and talk. She watched and listened.
Elliott finished recounting the details of the very poor interview to Amelia, who had come in after Hazel had left. He’d wanted her there for the interview itself, but as she had met Hazel and Duncan only one time each, she’d felt uncomfortable taking a position of authority. He felt certain things would have gone better if she’d been with him.
“And what did you say after Hazel explained?” Amelia asked, eyes wide, which encouraged Elliott to share his full feelings.
“Nothing,” Elliott said before letting out a heavy breath. In India, he had purchased a paperweight that looked like an Egyptian pyramid. When turned on its point, it spun like a top. He spun it on the desk now and watched it spiral in place.
When Hazel had written requesting an audience for Duncan and herself, he’d extended an invitation to both of them to come to Howard House today. He’d been prepared for them to ask him to reconsider their inheritances, but he had not considered that they would suggest marrying each other in order to collect. The idea made his stomach feel heavy, as though he’d done something wrong.
Had he?
Peter and Timothy were happily married to extraordinary women; he and Amelia could not be more pleased with their outcomes. Harry was doing remarkably well with his recovery, which was currently taking place in Howard House, though Amelia had thought it best he be kept ignorant of Hazel and Duncan’s visit, which Elliott could now see was very wise.