He pulled his eyebrows together. “I’ve upset you?”
She shook her head and wiped quickly at her eyes. Obviously he had upset her, but if she would not acknowledge how he’d done it, he was unsure how to remedy it.
She shifted in her seat, inadvertently moving her skirts so the toe of the specialty boot for her deformed foot showed. He could not help but stare at the thick sole that showed extreme wear on one side. The leather was thick and stiff, like a military boot, scuffed on the toe and the sides. It looked heavy and cumbersome. He tilted his head to look at it from a different angle, trying to determine how it worked. What must the shape of her foot be for this boot to accommodate walking in it? Did the worn places explain the lumbering cadence of her walk?
“I sense that I must be very direct on this topic, Duncan, as nuance might lead to further difficulty. I am unwilling to accept this agreement if it requires intimate physical relations.”
His eyes snapped from the awkward footwear to her face. “You do not find me physically attractive?”
“It’s not that,” Hazel said, shaking her head. Her cheeks were still pink, but her face looked tight with either anger or irritation, he couldn’t tell. “For me, such interactions would require love and desire in order for them to be appropriate.”
Duncan furrowed his eyebrows. Many marriages were based on security and convenience on the part of either or both partners. Love, as he understood it, was built over time, and while he could see that such feelings would make intimacy more desirable between partners, it was certainly not a prerequisite.
When he’d begun having questions about human anatomy and reproduction, Mr. Marcum had introduced Duncan to Dr. Randall, who had given Duncan a book that explained things from a physiological perspective. Duncan was allowed to keep the book and read it as many times as he liked so long as he promised never to ask questions or discuss his feelings about the contents to anyone other than Dr. Randall. He’d read the book eighteen times but, having never had the opportunity to apply what he’d learned, he—
“It would also risk a pregnancy,” Hazel said, stopping Duncan’s thoughts.
Duncan sat down on the blue-velvet chair Amelia had occupied earlier. “I had not considered that,” he said, disappointed in himself for not realizing that possibility. Catherine would say that was because he was only thinking of the man’s side. It was something she’d accused him of quite often, which was how he’d learned that men and women thought about things very differently.
“A child deserves to have the continuity of a family circumstance,” Hazel continued.
“Conception can be avoided through methods of timing and—”
“No, Duncan,” Hazel interrupted. “If we agree to Uncle Elliott’s terms, it will not include sharing a martial bed or risking us having a child together that we will not raise in a traditional household. I am afraid I must insist on this. If that changes your willingness to agree to Uncle Elliott’s terms, then so be it.”
“But—”
“I do not love you, Duncan, and I will not submit to such intimacies without both a connection and a belief that the relationship would be a permanent one. We are agreeing to share a home for one year and live as a married couple in every other way, but the arrangement will not include physical intimacy.”
Duncan considered her words for several seconds, disappointed, but understanding it was her right to make such stipulations. They would be partners in this arrangement, and she had equal right to insist on comfortable terms. Duncan understood right and wrong and tried very hard to do right.
“Are you opposed to Elizabeth?”
Hazel paused, then let out a breath that seemed to communicate relief. “I would like her to be kept out of the main areas of the house, but it is acceptable for her to have access to your room and the kitchens, so long as it does not annoy the cook.”
That reminded him of the discomfort of having servants. “I have never had a cook.”
Hazel smiled, and when she spoke, her voice was different, lighter. “You will like having a cook to make all your favorite dishes, Duncan, and most cooks like having a cat in the kitchen to catch any mice that might make their way inside.”
“The cook will be skilled?” Duncan asked.
“You can interview her yourself to make sure of it.”
Duncan liked the idea of vetting the cook himself. “Are you opposed to discussions in the evenings and shared meals?”
“No, I am looking forward to the discussions and benefitting from your detailed knowledge. It will be nice to share meals with you.”
That was a relief to hear, and his excitement began to grow once more. “I am very excited to teach you the proper history of mathematics.”
“And I am eager to learn it,” Hazel said, inclining her head slightly.
Duncan relaxed even further. “I will like having you there when I come home from work every day.”
Hazel cleared her throat, and her cheeks turned pink again. “Everything that goes into a marriage is agreeable to me, except . . . lovemaking. Does it change your mind about wanting to accept Uncle Elliott’s terms?”
“No,” Duncan said. “But I am disappointed.”
“As disappointment is not fatal, then I suppose we shall survive it.” She sighed and lifted a hand to her forehead.
“Do you have a headache?” Duncan asked. “I can fetch you some powders—or tea? Catherine liked good strong tea when she experienced her headaches. She also said whiskey helped, but that also made her drunk, which I think contributed to further headaches.”
Hazel watched him for a moment, then smiled. “I am fine, but thank you for the offer of help. There are just so many details to make sense of. I think I would like to lie down before dinner and think all of this through.”
She pushed herself up from the chair, leaning toward her good side as she did so. She’d forgotten to pick up her cane while she was still sitting down, and he retrieved it for her.
“Thank you, Duncan.” She centered the cane on her right side and looked at him.
They were standing very close, but it was not unpleasant.
Hazel’s hazel eyes. A lavender dress that smelled like lavender. The symmetry of her face renewed the attraction he felt toward her, which reminded him of his disappointment that she was not attracted to him and did not want to participate in marital relations. They were quiet for several seconds, then she looked away, and he took a step back to let her pass, realizing he’d broken social protocol by standing so close to her and looking at her so directly.
She limped a few steps, then turned back toward him. “Do we agree to the terms, then?”