My chest felt as if it had been set on fire as I watched the final blueberry scone walk out of the building. Was this what Romeo felt like after losing his Juliet? I now understood how he felt when he said, “Here’s to my love! O true apothecary. Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.”
What I wouldn’t give to kiss that dang scone with my lips.
I would’ve liked to say that was my last interaction with said man, but no. I was far too unstable to allow it to end right there. Like the unhinged individual I was becoming at that moment, I chased the stranger out of the store and shouted, “Hey! Hey! Wait up!”
He looked over his shoulder at me, and I saw the annoyance that shot across his face. He turned forward and kept walking, forcing me to break out into a slightly awkward jog. How tall was that guy? His single strides were double the length of my awkward run.
“Excuse me!” I hollered as he opened the back door to his car—a very pricy-looking vehicle with his driver sitting in the front. Before the door fully opened, I hopped in front of it. “Excuse me, hi. I was actually calling after you.”
“I don’t have time for California weirdness, lady.”
Oh, so you’re not a California native. Obviously, Mr. Accent.
I smiled that “you can’t help but love me” smile. “My name’s Stella.”
“Didn’t ask.”
Okay, perhaps he could help but love me, but alas.
I wanted to continue my crazy mode, but I shifted gears into trying to come off as more approachable since I still needed that freaking scone. “Yes, but I figured it would be easier if we were on a first-name basis. Then it would make this interaction more personal.”
“I don’t do personal.”
“Well, I’m glad to announce that I am a professional at personal. So I can take the lead, and you can follow. We can do a little one-two-cha-cha-cha tango of conversation.” I cha-cha’d in front of him. He wasn’t amused.
He blankly blinked six times in a row. “Move.”
“But!”
“I have places to be, all right?!” he snapped. “So move.”
“I will, I swear. After you give me the blueberry scone.”
“You’re a psychopath.”
“Yeah, okay, cool. Call me whatever you want. As long as you give me that scone.”
He grimaced and grumbled with narrowed eyes, “You mean this scone?” He looked down at his package with the scone. He pulled it out slowly and rubbed his fingers all over it.
I didn’t care. I had a public education and survived bobbing for apples in grade school. Germs didn’t freak me out.
“Yes, that one.”
“Oh, okay.” He held it out toward me. Right as I was about to grab it, he shoved it into his mouth and ate the whole thing in three bites. One, two, three. Crumbs dropped to the ground as he aggressively chewed the food in my face. Honestly, most of it didn’t even make it into his mouth. The poor, sweet blueberries fell to the sidewalk, and I felt as if he’d kicked me in the privates from the simple act of caveman-ness.
“Now can you move?” he asked with a full mouth, spitting crumbs in my direction. He dusted the tidbits off his custom black suit and arched a cocky eyebrow.
“You’re a…you’re a…you’re a major asshole!” I blurted out, feeling rage, and disgust, and sad. Mostly sad.
So unbelievably sad.
“I’m not an asshole. I just have asshole tendencies,” he muttered, then sighed. “Why are you doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Crying.”
“I’m not.”
“Your tear ducts are leaking fluid. That’s called crying.”
I touched my cheeks and shook my head. Well, will you look at that. I was crying. “You shouldn’t have eaten my scone,” I blurted out, becoming a blubbering mess. What was wrong with me? I knew I was an easy crier, but this was a bit ridiculous, even for me.
He cocked an eyebrow and looked more concerned than angry. His mouth parted as if he were going to offer me comfort, but instead, he shut his lips, reached into his front pocket, and handed me his perfectly folded handkerchief.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, blowing my nose in it. I held it back out to him.
He grimaced. “Keep it. Now, for the last and final time, can you move away from my car?”
I stepped to the side.
He climbed into his car and slammed the door behind him. Then his window rolled down, and he looked at me. “If it makes you feel better, it wasn’t even good,” he remarked before raising his window back up.
His driver drove away, leaving me standing there on the curb, surrounded by nothing but crumbs as the reminder of the oddest interaction. The interaction that I, clearly, made uncomfortable.
I did my best to pull myself together even though my nerves were shot. Then I climbed into my car and drove to my next destination. The part of my day that I was dreading the most. I wished I could’ve simply gone back to bed and skipped over the remainder of the day, but life did not come with pause buttons. Sadly enough, each day continued—no matter how much a person needed a break.
2
Stella
* * *
I hate this.
Kevin would’ve hated it, too.
“Throw me into the ocean and let the mermaids take me away,” he’d said to me when I was a kid. It was right after Mom’s funeral, and the sadness seemed too much for him to handle. Kevin wasn’t one to show much emotion, but I’d never witnessed something sadder than his breakdown after Mom’s passing.
Since they were so close, I always assumed it was like him losing a family member of sorts. Now that both were gone, I felt a bit homeless and uncertain about what to do without the two people who raised me. At least I still had Grams.
I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to make it since Kevin’s passing without her. I struggled with waking up for the past few mornings. It seemed that each daylight led to darker nights.
You ever felt as if something reached into your chest, pulled out your heart, repeatedly slammed it against the ground, took a sledgehammer to it, and then sent it through a paper shredder? Then they had enough nerve to place it back inside of your chest, completely shattered and damaged beyond repair. That was what grief felt like to me. It felt like a slammed, hammered, paper-shredded heart.
First Mama and now Kevin.
Kevin Michaels was like a father to me. He went above and beyond to be there for me, and now he was gone. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Most of the time, I felt as if I were living in a state of denial, trying my best to search for the silver linings in life. Still, some days it was harder than others.
“Breathe, darling,” Grams said as her hand fell to my lower back. The bit of comfort her touch brought me was very much needed, as I was seconds away from crumpling.
“You’re not listening,” Grams repeated, rubbing her hand in a circular motion. “I said breathe.”
I let out my breath.
Even though I held much love for Kevin, I knew Grams’s love for him ran deeper. She’d known him his whole life. She was his second love, after his own mother, being his nanny from the first month of his life. When Kevin was too old for a nanny, his family hired Grams as their house manager. Grams said a house manager was just a fancy way to say maid, but she knew they called her that out of respect.