Sometimes Denise would ask me to clean things up, and before I knew it, more chores would magically show up.
I shook my head, confused. “I already did that?”
“Is that a question or a statement?” she asked, snapping her fingers at me.
“A st-statement,” I muttered, my voice shaky. Kevin was off at work, and I hated when he went to work because then I’d be left alone with Denise. She was good at acting nice when Kevin was around, but whenever he’d leave, it was as if she’d take off her nice face and be really mean to me. Even though I never did anything mean to her.
“Then speak clearly, Stella, and stop with the mumbling. Good heavens, I am shocked Kevin even allows you to act the way you do. Now, get this trash out now,” she told me.
I grabbed the trash bag quickly and scurried away. I ran outside and tossed it into the trash bin. I turned to go back inside, but my heart was racing fast. Instead, I bent down next to the trash bins and wrapped my arm around my legs as I rocked back and forth.
“Do better, Stella, just do better,” I said to myself, feeling my stomach hurt as I realized it was because of me that Denise was upset. I did something wrong, and now she was mad at me. I didn’t want her to be mad at me because maybe she’d tell Kevin, and I didn’t want him to be mad either.
Be better.
Not only did my stomach hurt, but my chest did, too. I started breathing heavily, rocking faster and faster as I rubbed my hands up and down my arms. My nails scratched into my skin as things became blurry.
It felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest as tears fell down my cheeks. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel like this?
Do better. Be normal. Be what Denise wants.
My hands became sweaty, and I rubbed them against my pants legs. My hands were shaky, but I shot up to my feet when I heard my name.
“Stella!” Denise screamed from inside the house.
My chest still hurt, my stomach still felt gross, but I ran as fast as I could to get back inside the house. I had to be fast. Otherwise, Denise would yell at me for being slow. The moment I made it into the kitchen, she was staring at me with stern eyes. In front of her was her smoothie lying in a mess across the floor.
“Look what you made me do, Stella!” Denise remarked.
“I…I…I…” I stuttered, feeling shaky.
“You what?”
“I wasn’t i-in h-here,” I spat out. It couldn’t have been my fault. I wasn’t around. Was it my fault? How did I do that? What did I do wrong?
Do better.
Be better…
“Yes, you did. Everything is always a mess when you’re around. Everything is your fault. Now get down there and clean it up,” she ordered, throwing a rag at me.
I did as she said, and she watched me with a smirk on her face.
“This is why you need to go to boarding school, like I told Kevin. You are a complete headache to everyone you encounter. I mean, truly, how could you be such a mess?” Denise scolded me.
“Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?” a voice said, breaking in on Denise’s words.
I looked up to see Kevin standing there looking our way. My hands were covered in Denise’s red smoothie. Kevin hurried over to me and helped me off the floor. “What are you doing, Stella? You don’t have to clean this up.”
Denise’s whole persona shifted into the nice lady she pretended to be. “Sweetheart, what are you doing here? I thought you were working late.”
“I figured it would be nice to have dinner with the family tonight,” he said to her.
Denise kept smiling. “Of course. I can make us reservations and—”
“Denise,” Kevin cut in.
“Yes?”
“You need to pack your bags and leave this place right now.”
“Excuse me?” she remarked, looking stunned.
“You heard me. I heard how you were shouting at her. I would never allow something like that to happen, and for you to think it’s okay to speak to my daughter like that, then you are out of your mind,” Kevin said.
“Your daughter? Please. Kevin, she’s not even your kid.”
I moved behind Kevin’s leg, still shaking like I did outside.
“Stella is more mine than you will ever be,” he remarked. “Now, get your things and leave.”
They argued back and forth for a while, but by the end of the conversation, Denise did pack her things and leave. Kevin told me to go take a shower to get the smoothie off me, and I did as he said. When I came out, he was waiting in my room to talk to me.
“You okay, Stella?”
I nodded, even though my stomach was still in knots.
“Is that the first time Denise has spoken to you like that?” he questioned.
I shook my head.
He muttered a word under his breath that I wasn’t allowed to say, then brushed his thumb against his nose before looking at me. His eyes watered, and he sniffled.
“I’m sorry I made you sad, Kevin,” I told him.
“No. No, you didn’t, sweetheart.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. “It’s my fault, you know. I’m sorry I even brought that woman into our house. I guess I’ve just been searching for something in the wrong people.”
“What are you searching for?” I asked.
He parted his mouth as if he was going to talk but then closed it fast. He had something to say, but still, he didn’t say it. Instead, he replied, “How about we go get some dinner? Just you and me?”
“Maybe Grams, too?”
He smiled. “Yes, of course. Her too.”
22
Stella
Present Day
* * *
“You can’t be serious,” Jeff remarked, standing flabbergasted after I broke things off with him. “After all I’ve done for you, you have the nerve to break up with me?”
“All you’ve done for me? Jeff, you’ve cheated on me for three years with my coworker. You’ve lied straight to my face. And heaven knows who else you’ve been sleeping with.”
“So, I make one mistake, and you throw me to the curb?”
One mistake? Was he serious? A mistake was burning a pizza, not repeatedly screwing my friend. That wasn’t a mistake—that was a choice. One he felt very confident in making.
Thinking back on all the times the three of us were together, I felt like a fool. I’d been overthinking if there were any signs that they were sneaking behind my back. Clearly, there had to have been, seeing as Damian was so quick to pick up on the scandal.
I wished I’d been able to read people as he had. I would’ve probably saved myself a lot of heartache.
“This isn’t a one mistake thing. You betrayed me,” I explained.
He rolled his eyes. “Give me a break, Stella. This whole good girl act is exhausting. I’ve been nothing but good to you. I’ve put up with your emotions for ten damn years. I’ve dealt with your massive weight gain and still screwed you. I dealt with your weird obsession with talking to the ocean like a freak and listened to your stupid dreams. I’ve supported you! And then you have enough nerve to throw me to the side like a used puppy as if you’re just this innocent victim?”