“Mmmmmm-ak,” he announced, handing Ava the book.
“Yes, this book is about Max,” she told him. “Do you want to read it again?”
“Es,” he said, nodding his little head up and down.
“Want to sit on my lap?” she asked hopefully.
He put his arms up in reply.
She lifted him and sat him on her knee, then began to read again. This time, he leaned back against her chest and absentmindedly twirled her hair around his finger as she read.
When she looked up, Dax wore a dreamy sort of expression, and his eyes were moist.
“Sorry,” he said gruffly. “It’s nice to see them with you.”
She heard his unspoken words. He had probably been picturing Jill across the table from him holding his son instead of Ava.
“It’s nice to be with them,” she told him sincerely.
“Well, I guess you probably want to get settled,” Dax said. “I never even showed you your room. You just jumped right into the trenches with us.”
“I like it in the trenches,” she said. “But sure, I’d love to see my room.”
“Absolutely,” he told her. “Hop down, Mason. I’m going to show Ava her bedroom.”
Mason industriously climbed out of her lap.
Dax placed Maddie down too and went over to a stack of soft blocks. “Want to play with blocks?”
The kids headed over and he closed a plastic gate around them.
“I try to keep them contained if I leave the room even for a minute,” he said. “Though they’ve gotten too smart for me.”
“How could they get out of that?” Ava asked, looking at the latch, which seemed to need an adult sized hand to release.
“Maddie has climbed on Mason to get over the top twice before,” Dax said, laughing.
“Twins are hard,” Ava said appreciatively.
“But fun,” Dax said. “And they’ll always have each other.”
He picked up her suitcase and she followed him up the stairs.
The stairway was dark and narrow and so was the hall above.
He led her to a room at the front of the house and when he opened the door, she saw it was sun-drenched and spacious with a view of the tree-lined street.
“Sorry, there are so many books and toys in here,” Dax said, indicating a play mat and a large bookshelf that seemed to be bursting with picture books. “The whole house is slowly turning into a playroom for the twins.”
“It’s very cheerful,” Ava said. “Thank you.”
“Well, spread out and relax,” Dax said.
“Will do,” she told him. “I’ll be down in a little while.”
“Take your time. And thank you for coming,” he said, his voice deep and grateful.
“It’s good to be here,” she told him again.
He nodded and stepped out, pulling the door shut behind him.
Ava took her shoes off slowly and decided to stretch out on the bed for a just minute.
Travel wore her out more than it used to. Everything seemed to wear her out.
But today it was a happy kind of tired. She was thrilled to see the kids doing well and Dax so relaxed and easy with them.
Helping him make a great plan for their future felt like the best use of her years of education and experience that she could possibly imagine.
As Ava drifted off, she heard the happy sounds of singing and laughter coming from the rooms below.
4
Dax
Dax dried the last dish and then looked around in satisfaction. The babies were sleeping, and the house was quiet. Another day was winding down.
The only trouble was that Ava had been up in her room since he’d shown it to her in the late morning.
He hoped she was okay. It felt odd to check on her like she was a little kid. Maybe she’d just been overwhelmed by all the action when she’d first arrived. He sometimes forgot that life with twins wasn’t what people were used to.
As if he’d called to her, he heard the click of a door upstairs and then water running.
It hit him that she hadn’t had lunch or dinner. He headed back to the refrigerator to fix a plate of leftovers to warm up for her.
She padded quietly down the stairs just as he was taking it out of the microwave.
“Perfect timing,” he told her. “Did you have a good rest?”
“Too good,” she said, looking embarrassed. “I’m really sorry I slept so long.”
“Don’t be silly,” he told her, placing her plate on the table. “I’m glad you felt at home enough here to get a nap. Especially with all the noise we make.”
“That’s happy noise,” she said smiling. “And I get worn out more easily these days because of the treatments. I used to be able to do more, but now a lot of things kick my butt.”
“I’m sorry,” Dax said. “That must be infuriating.”
He felt like a fool for letting her exhaust herself like that.
“Yeah, it is infuriating,” she said, with a twinkle in her eyes. “You know, most people just say, it must be so hard, as if all I could feel is sadness. But it pisses me off. I used to be a runner.”
Dax nodded. It had been the same when he lost Jill. He was sad, but also so angry.
“Maybe you’ll run again one day,” he told her.
“Maybe,” she said. But she didn’t sound convinced.
“Are you back at work?” he asked, sure that she’d be happy to talk about work. Jill had always said how dedicated Ava was to her job.
“Not yet,” she said. “I took a year of medical leave. I wanted to have all my energy to fight my illness. Now that I’m in remission, they don’t seem too eager to have me back.”
“That’s bullshit,” Dax said, shocked. “Is that even legal?”
“Probably not,” she replied. “Which is why they won’t say it out loud, but I get the message loud and clear. If I go back, they won’t be giving me a decent client load. And I guess the hours and stress aren’t good for me now anyway.”
“So what are you going to do?” Dax asked. “Find something less stressful? I have to say, when you have kids it’s nice not to clock so many hours if you don’t have to.”
She bit her lip. “I, um, I won’t be having any kids.”
He gazed at her, stunned. She seemed to love kids, she had gotten right on the floor with Mason and Maddie.
She smiled at him. “I know that sounds harsh. I like kids. But my treatment impacted my fertility. I’m not in a relationship, and I’m in my thirties, so chances weren’t great I would be having kids anyway - married to my job and all.” She gave him a half-smile.
He hated that self-deprecating humor. It was total bullshit that Ava couldn’t have kids if she wanted them.
“I know I’m not supposed to say you could adopt,” he said, searching for words, but needing to tell her how he felt. “I’m not really sure what I am supposed to say. I guess it was really easy to picture you with kids in your life, after seeing how great you were with the twins.”
“You said the right thing,” Ava said with a smile. “And your twins are exceptional - that’s on them - not me.”