“One day at a time.”
“Slow.” He smiles before angling to kiss me. Reaching for his hat, I toss it to the floor beside us and bury my hands in his hair. His hand slides behind my neck, and he deepens the kiss, his tongue slipping past my lips. With slow, leisurely strokes, his tongue glides against mine.
It’s the slowest, most sensual kiss of my life. I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to prove to me that he can go slow. That is what we decided just mere days ago, but he should know that he can’t kiss me like this and expect the same old rules to apply.
He pulls back and rests his head against my chest. We’re both breathing heavily. I continue to run my hands through his hair, memorizing the feel of the silky strands through my fingers. We stay in this position for so long I lose track of time. Hell, it could be mere seconds, but it still feels as if a lifetime has passed. When he raises his head to look at me, his blue eyes are swirling with desire.
For me.
“I’m sorry.”
All the happiness I was just feeling settles like lead in my stomach. “What are you sorry for.”
“I promised you no kisses until tomorrow.” The corner of his mouth lifts into a smile, and the happiness is back.
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Name it.”
“Never apologize for kissing me again.”
“I should probably do something to make up for that, huh?”
He doesn’t give me the chance to answer before his lips are on mine once again. He moves closer, his body molding to the length of mine, and I toss my leg over his. I can’t get close enough.
He kisses me slowly, as if we have all the time in the world, and although my body craves more, I’m okay with this speed. As long as his hands and his lips are on my body like they are now, I can handle the pace. Besides, I know that we need to slow this down. My head is telling me I gave in way too easy. My heart tells me this is the right thing. That there are no set standards for the timeline of a relationship.
“You’re thinking too much,” he says against my lips.
“I’m sorry. Sometimes I get lost in my head.”
“What are you thinking about?”
I debate on blowing him off, but I want this to work. I want this to be more for both of us, and I know hiding what I’m thinking isn’t the way for that to happen. “My head’s telling me we need to stop.”
“Okay.” He eases back, but I grab onto his shirt and pull him back to me.
“My heart and my body, they’re telling me that this feels right.” I brush his shaggy brown hair back from his eyes. “That you and I feel right.”
“That’s because we are.”
“This is really soon.”
“I’ve been trying to get you to give me the time of day for weeks.”
“But the time we’ve spent together, it hasn’t really been all that much.”
He nods. “We do this your way, Parker.”
“You know, my grandma has this saying. It’s something my parents said to us a lot growing up, and me and my sisters, we try to live by it.”
“What’s the saying?”
“Always speak from your heart.”
He rests his hand over my heart. “What does your heart want to say, sweet pea?” he whispers.
“That it’s falling for you. That it’s scared because everything I thought I knew about you seems to be opposite of who you are.” I pause, collecting my thoughts. Holden stays quiet, sensing I have more to say. “I’m scared. I know you can’t believe the media. I grew up with it, so I understand the gossip of the business. I watched it with my parents and still with my sister. Every moment that I spend with you has me craving that many more. I want to let my heart take over, but I don’t want it to be shattered when this, whatever we label it to be, ends.”
“We said we were exclusive,” he reminds me. His voice is soft, almost as if he’s afraid I’m going to jump up and run out of the house. That’s the thing. I probably should keep running, but I just don’t want to. Not from him.
“I know.”
“Then why did you say whatever we label it to be? We’re us.”
“I know,” I say. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Everything is all jumbled in my head. I guess my head is looking for a guarantee that my heart is not going to be broken, while my heart is all in, regardless of the outcome.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know that too.”
“And why do you think this is going to end?”
I smile up at him. His blue eyes are dark with concern and maybe worry. “Because you’re too good to be true, Holden Bailey.”
He moves closer, his lips hovering over mine. “I’ve never been a romantic man, Parker. I never gave myself the time to get to know someone to fall for them. I never wanted to. With you, everything is different. It’s more than want at this point. Do I want you? Hell yes, I do. With the passion of a thousand fucking suns. But I also have this… need. I can’t explain it. I’ve never thought about a woman this much before in my life. I’ve never thought ahead to what I could do to make her mine. I’ve never wanted to whisper to a woman that she’s my everything. You’re not the only one wondering what the hell is going on. This isn’t me. It’s not who I am. However, it turns out it’s who I am with you. You’re changing me.”
“I don’t want to change you, Holden.”
“I know that. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are. Before you, it was all physical. I couldn’t care less about hanging out, grabbing takeout, and just spending the evening lying on the floor in an empty house surrounded by empty packages.” He grins. “But here we are, and there is no place I’d rather be.”
I roll to my side and face him. “I want to be here too. And by here, I mean wherever you are.”
This time it’s his heart that his hand is covering. “Your words do some crazy shit right there,” he says, tapping his chest. His voice is low, and dare I say, laced with a tad bit of vulnerability.
I smile. “Good. Now you know how it feels.” I lean forward and press my lips to his.
“Let’s recap this,” he says when I pull away. “We’re together, you and me. As in, I’m going to call you my girlfriend. You good with that?”
“Do I get to call you my boyfriend?” I ask. “Why do I feel like I’m in middle school with this conversation?” I laugh.
“Yes. You do. And those titles they seem insignificant for what this feels like, but I think it’s a good place for us to start.”
“Agreed.”
“Come here, beautiful.” His arms snake around me, and he pulls me close, and then his lips capture mine.
We spend hours on his living room floor, making out like teenagers. It’s fitting because this giddy feeling he gives me makes me feel like a girl with her first crush. By the time he drops me off at my place, it’s well past midnight. I almost invite him in to stay but decide it’s best if I don’t. Instead, I let him kiss me good night and close the door behind me.