“No,” I gasp.
“Yes.” He smirks in return.
“But it’s too soon, Carter,” I cry out just as the doors open. “We can’t. People will see. They’ll know.”
“Things have changed. Leap of faith, Grace. Remember?”
That’s all he says before planting a kiss on the corner of my lips, right here in broad fucking daylight I might add, and then sauntering off like he has zero fucks to give, and cares are only meant for the weak.
Still, I’m smiling in a way I’m positive I never have before as I step off the elevator, store my stuff in my locker and hit the floor.
But the moment I round the corner, going for the nurses’ station to find who my patient is, Janet is standing there waiting for me with a self-satisfied gleam that is not to be ignored.
“You’re done here.”
I roll my eyes, plowing past her, leaning against the counter of the nurses’ station while scrutinizing the board. Except my name is nowhere to be found on it. Not with Westerfield. Not with Carter. Not anywhere. What the fuck? Then again, neither is Janet’s.
What the fuck is going on?
“I saw you. With Carter. Last night. I finally caught you.” She’s the cat who ate the canary, bones and all. “I was leaving the building and saw you kissing in the parking lot before he helped you into his car. Did you honestly think you could hide your illicit doings?”
I nearly snort at that. Where has she been? I walked out of here wearing red—sans undergarments—with the man in question by my side and no one so much as batted an eye. Likely because everyone has suspected for months without directly asking. Teasing. Poking. Prodding.
I never let them go anywhere with their teasing.
Because what he and I were doing was unethical.
I forced Carter to keep our secret, positive we wouldn’t last and then I’d be attendingless and called one of the many stupid, archaic, female bashing terms. My career, respect from other physicians, all of it would have suffered greatly. No one just gets involved with a Fritz without repercussions, not even me. Especially when said Fritz is your boss.
Now everything is different. I’m living with him. He’s my boyfriend. I’m carrying our child.
But by withholding our relationship, both of Carter’s and my reputations are in jeopardy—mine more than his. Let’s face it, I’m not only a woman, but I’m also a resident.
I rest my hand on the counter, trying to steady my breathing and rapidly beating heart.
“I’d say it was nice knowing you, but it wasn’t,” she continues, sidling up beside me and dropping an elbow onto the blue Formica while enjoying her front row seat to my horror show. All she needs is some popcorn and candy. “I’ve told the head of the department about your affair. They’re meeting now about it. Carter, I’m positive won’t lose his job but you will.”
No. Likely not. Carter and I aren’t the first of our kind. When you spend sixty to eighty hours a week with someone, stuff happens. The problem comes from us hiding it. From me not switching supervising attendings when I had the opportunity. Still, likely nothing more than a slap on the wrist and a review of my work?
I don’t know. There might be wishful thinking in that?
Especially when the smug grin on Janet’s face has me rethinking everything.
I’m in my third year. I’m pregnant with my attending’s kid. No other program in this city or even the surrounding areas will take me on as a transfer resident. Especially not with a tarnished reputation. The only thing I can do now is come clean about my relationship with Carter and let the pieces fall where they may. Leap of faith, he said. It’s time I learn how to trust again. How to be the woman, the doctor, I want to be.
“You know what’s sad?” I ask rhetorically, staring into her dark eyes. “You getting off on hurting others. You think what you’re doing means you won? The truth is, Carter and I are very much together. That secret hasn’t been much of a secret because he and I weren’t very good at hiding our feelings for each other. Whether I’m here or not, that won’t change. No matter what, you’re still a less-than-mediocre doctor, requiring your parents’ money to get you places, undercutting fellow residents when you could have been a friend and colleague, learning to be a top-rated doctor on your own merit. You set women back too many centuries for me to count.”
“Grace, Janet.” Carter pops out from the corner. Speak of the devil. “Can you both come with me?”
“Sure,” I tell him with a confident smile I don’t quite feel. I’m scared. I love my job. I love this hospital. I love working with Carter. But at the end of the day, I know I’ll be okay.
Janet’s self-satisfied smile is still there, but her eyes show a different story than the one she initially tried to sell me. What an ugly world when women try to destroy each other.
“Of course, Carter.”
Carter. His first name when he’s only ever been Dr. Fritz to his face before.
“Can you please make a note that both Dr. Johnson and Dr. Hammond will be unavailable for the remainder of the morning?” he asks one of the nurses as she walks back to the station. She agrees and then he spins back around without checking to see if we’re there.
He doesn’t say anything as we walk. Offers nothing in the way of an explanation for this… I have no idea where we’re going. It doesn’t matter. I have no defense. I love my career, but I love Carter too. More. I love him more.
So I guess that means I’m willing to fight for this. For him. For us. For my career.
I take his hand in mine, not even caring anymore. I’m claiming him, right here for him to see and feel, and for everyone else to acknowledge. No more hiding. No more playing it safe.
He’s worth the risk.
His surprised eyes find mine, his eyebrows at his hairline, but there’s a smile there too he’s trying to hide beneath his serious countenance. I give him a squeeze and he squeezes back, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing my knuckles before releasing me.
Janet hisses something under her breath but doesn’t comment further. Her footfalls slap hollowly against the harsh floors, soulless and dejected as she now ambles behind Carter. Her confidence has waivered and whatever scheme she’s playing at won’t end how she wants. I open my mouth no less than ten times on our short journey, only for no sound comes out. I can only hope Carter won’t be affected, but with Janet here, I can’t ask.
“Right this way,” he instructs, pointing down the hall when I go toward his office. “We’re in one of the conference rooms.”
“We?”
He doesn’t reply.
“In here.” Carter opens the door, waving Janet in.
It’s the room where we hold M&M’s (morbidity and mortalities), resident meetings, small conferences, and occasional pharmaceutical peeps trying to sell us their wares. Today is a different matter.
“Not you, Grace. You need to wait out here until we ask for you. They want to speak with Janet first.”
I blink rapidly, sucking in a choppy breath. I can’t see who is at the table inside. Both Carter and Janet are blocking my view. “Carter?”
“It shouldn’t be too long,” is all he says, but he’s in total business mode. His expression is shuttered. All he does is point to the wall behind me indicating where I should wait, and shuts the door behind him and Janet. That’s it. I’m forced to stand out here while there is a meeting on the other side of that door deciding my fate. And if Carter’s wooden features are anything to go by, none of this is good.