When we were ready to rumble, Bohannan ordered, “You girls get those seeds ready. We’ll go get the shovels and figure out where to dig.”
Clearly, this fixed gender allocation of roles should be addressed.
Except I didn’t know where the shovels were, it wasn’t my property we were digging on, and bonus to having men around during this ritual, I didn’t have to dig any holes like had been my job in the past because neither of my girls liked digging either, though I will admit, digging a hole wasn’t hard.
We’ll just say I selected acting and writing as my career trajectory for many reasons.
Therefore, I didn’t argue.
Before the men took off, though, Bohannan slid his arm around my shoulders, pulled me into him and gave me unofficial first kiss number two (which, as you can tell from my use of the word “unofficial,” I also wasn’t counting), he pressed his lips to the side of my head.
He then whispered in my ear, “Don’t put them in the oven yet.”
He pulled away just enough to catch my eyes and my confused but affirming nod, since dumping the stuff in the ground didn’t take that long at all.
Celeste and I cleaned the seeds, spread them on the tray, salted them and set the oven to preheat.
We then gathered the pieces of pumpkin at each station in newspaper, keeping track of whose was whose.
We went out and found the men leaning into shovels about twenty yards away from the pier, still in the clearing, but just. You could reach out and touch the first tree.
An excellent spot.
It wasn’t as much as normal, but mist was on the water again, even if the moon was bright, the sky was cloudless, and the weather was for once warm-ish.
Celeste and I handed out the parcels.
“Any words of wisdom?” Bohannan prompted.
“Just do you,” I said. “You want to say a few words, out loud or in your head, go for it. As for me…”
I stepped forward and dumped my bundle in the rather deep hole (another bonus to men around, I’d never put the effort into digging that deep of a hole, and what I had to bury this year needed to go down deep).
And there went Bob Fucking Welsh.
I knew, of course, he wasn’t gone. What he did wasn’t gone.
But I’d learned over the years there was strength and power in rituals like these, and this wasn’t the only one I participated in (it was just the only one I did with others).
And somehow, in my head, doing this lessened his hold on me.
Celeste went next, and she also dumped.
Bohannan went next, the same.
Jace dumped his, saying “Sayonara, bullshit.”
It was then, we turned to Jesse.
And it was then that I knew what Bohannan knew before we even walked out there.
I hadn’t taken it further.
He always did.
Jesse was frozen, staring into the hole.
“Son,” Bohannan murmured, starting to move to his boy.
He stopped when Jess took a step back but only to freeze again and continue to stare at the hole.
Everyone was silent.
Jesse broke it.
“I don’t want Alice in that hole.”
Celeste made a move, but I caught her hand. When I did, she stilled but held on so tight, my fingers hurt.
Jesse looked to his dad.
“I can’t bury her in with all that.”
“We’ll take her to the pier,” Bohannan said quietly. “We’ll give her to the fishes.”
“I don’t wanna let her go.”
Celeste made a moaning noise.
Jace was done and went to his brother, crowding him but not touching him.
Bohannan reached to his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, flipped it open and tugged something out I couldn’t see.
He showed it to Jesse.
“Movie stub. Her name was Laura. She was fifteen. I swiped it from her bedroom. I’ve carried it in my wallet every day for fourteen years.”
Oh my God.
Jesse stared at his father.
“Dad,” he said.
No one moved, except Bohannan, who was swiftly tucking the movie stub back into his wallet.
He’d just returned it to his pocket when Jess spoke again.
“Dad.”
That cracked in the middle.
That was when Bohannan caught Jesse on both sides of his neck and pulled him almost violently into his body.
Jesse’s frame heaved.
Bohannan wrapped his arms around him, and Jason moved to stand behind him. He then rested his forehead on Jesse’s back.
Jesse made an animalistic noise that punched right through me.
Okay, there was something that night that was official.
I’d fallen in love with this family.
“Let’s go,” I whispered to Celeste, starting to tug her around toward the house, thinking that Jess might not want her or me to see his emotion.
“No,” she replied, holding fast to my hand and not moving.
It might be good she was there, but I wasn’t sure I should be there.
The instant I had that thought, Bohannan turned his head and pinned me with his gaze.
Well, that answered that, though I didn’t know if it was a You’re one of us now or a You got us into this mess, you’re seeing it through.
I also didn’t know which one of those was scarier, considering I hadn’t even had an official kiss from the patriarch of this crew.
“Weak,” Jesse grunted.
“Strong,” Bohannan contradicted.
“I’m never gonna let her go.”
“She’s counting on that.”
Jesse’s head came up.
Jason stepped away, but not too far.
“What?” Jess asked his dad.
“You know,” Bohannan answered.
Bohannan’s back was to me, but I could see father and son did not lose eye contact for several, very long beats.
Jesse nodded and moved out of his father’s embrace.
Bohannan turned to Celeste and me.
Jace came to his brother’s side.
Jesse looked at me.
“Who needs therapy when they can go out and buy a pumpkin?”
Oh no!
Disaster!
“No, I didn’t mean—”
“Chill, Delly,” Jesse said softly. “I’ll tell her about this my next go. She needs to incorporate this shit into her regime.”
“Her” must be his therapist.
My smile was tentative.
So was his.
“Are the seeds burning?” Jace asked, and not for the first time I wondered if he was a medical miracle, and his brain could be found in his stomach.
“We didn’t put them in yet,” Celeste told him.
That made me look at Bohannan.
Jesse came and claimed his sister, and by that, I mean claimed. Her scream was fake and shrill when, even though he had his bundle of pumpkin bits tucked under one arm like a football, he tossed her over his other shoulder.
Because, obviously, after crying in his dad’s arms, he had to do something manly.
I’d give him that play.
Celeste gave it too.
They headed up to the house, sister hanging down brother’s back.
Bohannan came and claimed me with an arm around my shoulders and aimed us to the house.
“So, we gonna have a conversation as a family, you know, like pumpkin-carving extreme therapy, where you two announce you’re an item and what that means to all us kids?” Jason ribbed as he sauntered at our sides. “You know, Dad, like, how you still love us and we’re very important, but you might not be around as much because you’re getting it on with a super famous TV star.”