“Even if it means fighting me,” he finished.
“I don’t want it to come to that.” I stared at the sun glistening off the writhing sea. “I think Victor’s attack broke something in you. Even though you seem okay now, I know it’s still there, just waiting under the surface. In the battle to come, I don’t want you to lose yourself,” I told him, remembering Maru’s words. “Nothing is worth that sacrifice.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” he confessed, threading his fingers into my hair and pulling my head to his chest. His chin rested on me, his warm breath fanning the fine hairs that frizzed where my hair parted.
“I don’t want to be lost again.”
As the day faded, the closer we got to Nassau, the choppier the water became. The winds gusted over the water and ship, whipping hair and tearing hats from the sailors’ heads. Apparently, Titus was getting in the sailors’ way, so he took the hint and found me in Enoch’s quarters.
“How do you think you’ll feel when we find Abram?” he asked bluntly.
“Like punching him in the throat.”
Titus nodded in agreement. “That’s fair.”
“What about you?” I asked.
“Like ramming a sword through his stomach and throwing him off a tall building.” Eve whistled, raising her brows. “He deserves worse. Terah’s been scarce lately,” Titus observed. “She’s laying low, but I don’t know if it’s her idea or Enoch’s. The sailors all know what she did to that man – William, and they’re eager to leave the ship.”
“Do you think they’ll sail with him again?”
He shrugged. “Depends on whether Terah is on board or not. If it’s just Enoch, they might. But if she steps one foot on board, he can forget it.”
“I can’t really blame them,” I admitted. “Do you think Abram will jump with us?”
Titus craned his head back and looked at the ceiling. “I honestly don’t know. Part of me thinks he’ll want to try it just to get back home, but the other part thinks he’ll fight us about it just because he’s a dick.”
“He’ll fight because I’m involved.”
Titus scrubbed his hands down his face. “Probably. His common-sense train jumped its track years ago.”
There was a scuffle outside as two crewmen shoved and cursed at one another. Enoch quickly broke it up by just walking toward them. “We’re almost at port. Calm yourselves,” he demanded. The men were quick to comply, and we watched through the windows as they parted ways. Enoch turned and glanced inside. His eyes found me first, then slid to Titus. Emotionless, he strode away.
“He really hates me. I thought I was a likeable enough guy, but apparently not.”
I brushed it off. “You are.”
Titus raised his brows. “He doesn’t want me near you.”
“Too bad,” I retorted. “You’re my teammate, but beyond that, you’re my friend.”
Titus smiled proudly. “Thanks.”
“Thanks for slicing me open when I need it,” I volleyed, rotating my hand so he could see the blue-green glow beaming through my skin. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did.”
“Ha, ha. Seriously, though. Where did you used to go at night when you snuck out of the Compound?”
“I met up with a friend I started the Asset program with. He got injured during the program, and while he healed okay, his arm was never the same. He was placed in the military unit, assigned to the night shift. He was adamant that he could handle himself, and I’m sure he could, but it felt good to put my training to use. I had his back and he had mine.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. I suspected that was what you were doing.”
“There were other perks. Military chicks are hot.”
I rolled my eyes. He was such a guy sometimes.
“I saw Maru out there a few times.” He watched me to gauge my reaction.
My brows rose. “Now that surprises me. Maru likes to follow the rules.”
Titus laughed. “He makes sure you follow them. You’re his charge, his responsibility. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t crave a little adventure once in a while.”
“I would have gone with him.”
Titus shook his head. “He wouldn’t risk you getting hurt. Beyond that, Victor would’ve killed him for risking you. You were too valuable to the Asset program.”
“No more valuable than you.”
He gave me a look that said he disagreed. “You and I both know that’s not true.”
“If anyone thinks that, it’s not because of me. It’s because of Enoch. He’s the target. He’s the one I was changed for, so I could be a formidable opponent for him.”
“And what an opponent you are,” he responded without a hint of sarcasm.
“None at all, it turns out.”
Titus shook his head and laughed. “You have no idea how much power you have over him.”
He had no idea how much Enoch affected my every decision; how much I wanted to stay with him instead of jumping home. Not that Victor wanted me to return home, anyway. If his scathing words pre-jump hadn’t gotten under my skin, the absence of a built-in return code screamed his displeasure with me throughout time.
“You feeling okay?” Titus asked, startling me from my thoughts.
“Yeah, just thinking.”
“While you’re doing that, think about something for me.”
“What’s that?”
“Can you remember any of the upgrades? The procedures themselves?” He crossed his arms and watched me quietly.
I glanced around the room, grasping at anything. “No. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember even walking into the Med Ward, but I must have. I don’t remember going in, and I don’t remember walking out. You’d think I would remember the room and nurses, both before the upgrade and after, but all I remember is Maru’s reactions to the ones that took – in the training room.”
“So, you weren’t awake for any of them?”
“Hell, no. I’m pretty sure I’d remember that.”
He pressed his lips together and nodded.
“Do you remember them?”
“Not really,” he muttered.
However, I knew Titus well enough to know there was a reason why he asked the question. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He swallowed and pinched his eyes closed, choosing his words carefully. “When you were sick after you landed here, I watched you thrashing around in that bed with your eyes open, speaking like Kael was with you. It seemed like more than a dream, like you were re-living a memory. And if it was, he –” Titus shook his head and pursed his lips together.
“He what?” I prodded.
He shook his head again, unable to speak.
“Titus, what did he do? Tell me what he did.”
“He goddamn tortured you, okay? He didn’t sedate you. Didn’t even allow you a local anesthetic, from the sounds of it.”
The wind rushed out of my stomach like he’d punched me. But I don’t remember it. It must have been a nightmare. “I’m sure it was only a dream, Titus. That’s all. I don’t remember ever feeling pain from one of the upgrades.”