He pressed his face between my breasts, and I kept up the head massage.
“You’re doing it. Being here. Going through this with us.” He wrapped his arms around my form and held on. “Just your presence is enough to help me get through this.”
I leaned over and kissed the crown of his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He sighed and I held on until Hope came screeching down the hallway. “Who wants to go to the park!”
Kyson laughed, lifting his head as I smiled down at him.
“Me!” I called out. “Dying to go to the park!” And I kind of was because that was one thing I’d never had the opportunity to do—take a child to the park and watch them enjoy it. “Come on, honey, let’s grab a blanket, pack a lunch and have a picnic in the park with our girl.”
I didn’t realize what I said until Kyson shifted back and grinned. “Our girl?” he reiterated.
I held my breath and then nodded.
He smiled so wide it made me lean forward and kiss it, teeth, lips and all.
* * *
We showed up at Hope’s favorite park around noon. I severely underestimated how long it took to get a six-year-old ready to get out of the house. Not to mention packing sandwiches, cutting up fruit, prepping drinks and ensuring we had some fun things with us. We brought a Frisbee, a jump rope, bread for the ducks, sunscreen and hats.
Finally, Kyson found the perfect spot under a huge shady oak tree closest to the play equipment. That way we could lie about while Hope went for the toys, but still be able to keep her in sight.
I lay on the blanket on my stomach, sunglasses over my eyes, gazing at Hope, who was dashing up and down this castle-like structure with another girl around her age. She was happy, winded and free as a bird. I enjoyed watching her long brown hair float in the breeze and I dreamily imagined another little girl with red hair toddling after her big sister.
A heavy arm fell over my lower back as Kyson nudged my shoulder with his nose. “What you thinkin’ about?”
I grinned. “You don’t want to know.”
“Try me.”
“Hmm...”
“Seriously, tell me what you were thinking about? No secrets, baby.” He reminded me of what we’d agreed upon.
“I was thinking about how happy and free Hope looked.”
“And?” he encouraged.
“And how maybe one day it might be nice to see a little red-headed girl chasing after her big sister,” I admitted rather boldly.
Kyson hummed and bit down on the ball of my shoulder until I squeaked and laughed.
“Not a bad visual. I’d love to give Hope siblings. Always wanted a big family. Things just got...derailed when Veronica lost it.”
I nodded. “I never had a big family until now, so it’s always been a dream of mine.”
Kyson rubbed his chin over my shoulder. “How many you want?”
I pursed my lips and watched Hope run, waving her arms in the air like an airplane. “If they were like Hope, I’d take as many as you wanted to give me.”
He chuckled against my arm. “She’s pretty special but I’m thinking maybe two more.”
“I could live with two more. One girl, one boy?” I queried.
Kyson shrugged. “Don’t care how they come just as long as they are healthy.”
Before I could respond, his phone rang in his back pocket and he groaned playfully. Then his brows knitted together as he stared at the screen and barked, “Turner?” into the phone.
He listened a moment and then jumped up to standing. I rolled over and sat up, watching him as his body went ramrod straight and his muscles twisted at his forearms, making the veins bulge.
“How dare you come to the house, to the school, without calling me first. Have you lost your mind? No, that happened when you up and left over three years ago!” He grated into the phone.
Oh, no. He was talking to Veronica.
Kyson’s form got tighter and his shoulders climbed up toward his ears, his jaw so firm it looked like he could chomp down on glass with zero problem.
“We are not married. The judge granted me a divorce a year ago. No, I have the papers with the judge’s name signed on the bottom to prove it. You also lost your parental rights. You see, you can’t up and disappear from a toddler’s life and expect to walk back into it and still have a claim.”
He listened for a minute and then roared, “You abandoned her!”
I stood up and checked on Hope. She was now on the swings. She waved at me and I waved back. Then I got close to Kyson and put my hand on his back. Instantly, the tension seeped out, his shoulders came down and he let a long breath of air out of his lungs.
“You want access to Hope you’re going to need to go through me. None of this showing up unexpectedly.”
I could hear a whisper of a response but didn’t know what she’d said.
Kyson spoke through clenched teeth. “I want proof you’re clean before you ever step foot in front of my daughter again. No, she’s my daughter. Not ours. I’m the one that’s been taking care of her the past three years. Hell, I did it before you disappeared for good. Now, if you want to have a relationship, you’re going to have to prove to me that you’re clean, your heart is in the right place and you genuinely plan to stay in her life. I’m not going to put her through meeting her birth mother and wishing you were a part of her life if you just end up disappearing on one of your benders again.”
I rubbed my hand up and down his spine, being there the only way I knew how.
“First step, you and I meet. We’ll talk. You’ll tell me why you came back and what you’ve been up to. The truth, Roni. Not some bullshit lies you made up. I don’t care how ugly it is or what you had to go through to get to the place where you suddenly want to be back in your daughter’s life.”
He shook his head and laughed harshly. “No. You and me are done. Dead. My love for you died the day you walked out on our child the last time. There’s no going back.” He groaned and ran his fingers through his hair as though he was beyond frustrated. “No. I got a woman in my life. A woman I love. A woman I plan to have in my life and Hope’s life forever, so don’t even try to go there. I’ll call you back next week when I’ve had time to think on meeting up with you.”
I put both of my hands on his shoulders when he barked out, “Fuck, no. You wait until I call. I need some time to think about you being back and how I’m going to address that with Hope. Until then, you can wait.” He pressed a button on his phone and then roared up into the trees. Years of frustration and anger leaked from his system in a tumultuous burst of emotion.