The pain struck me with the force of lightning, because it had become instinct, to feel this pain after allowing myself to think of the life we would never have.
Then I remembered what I’d learned tonight.
Hope flared inside me, and the force of it felt as if fireworks were erupting within my rib cage.
“Fortuna? What can I do? Talk to me. Please.”
I could tell from his concerned expression that Oliver hadn’t even considered what this new ability meant. That thinking of his own gain wouldn’t have even crossed his mind. And I wondered, not for the first time, how I had managed to create someone so pure in the darkest parts of me.
“I love you,” I said, the words coming more freely than they ever had before. They just… spilled out of me like a dam within my heart had broken.
A frown hovered at the edges of Oliver’s mouth. “I love you, too.”
All I wanted was to tell him what I was thinking, but something this big needed to be processed. What if I got his hopes up only to crush them later? What if I was wrong about this? I forced myself to take subtle, even breaths through my nose. That jittery feeling left me with every exhale.
Once I felt calmer, I lifted my head and met Oliver’s gaze. We were still on the ground, our knees touching. Our faces were so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. “Would it be okay if we stopped for the night?” I asked. “I should really get some REM sleep.”
“Of course,” Oliver said instantly, but his frown hadn’t faded. “This grove is big enough that we can find a site far away from this memory. Preferably not close to the water, though.”
I nodded, and he helped me up. Oliver never let go of my hand as we ventured away from the memory of my parents. Within minutes, we found a good spot. Oliver and I slid off our backpacks in perfect unison, neither of us saying a word, and started setting up camp.
As we built the tent, I caught Oliver looking up more than once. He was worried Echidna’s children would come back, I thought. We went inside our small shelter, and Oliver confirmed my suspicions by muttering, “At least we’ve got some branch cover. We’ll hear it if they try to come from above.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” I reassured him, but the words came out more suggestive than I meant them to. I’d been trying to keep it light, teasing. I needed some normality after all of tonight’s terror and emotional upheaval.
We both let our backpacks drop to the ground, another part of our routine, but Oliver’s expression had become strange. When I saw that, guilt drove out everything else I felt. What was I doing? I’d put him through enough. Oliver didn’t deserve to be treated like a toy, played with whenever I got bored or nostalgic. I withdrew into myself like a creature into a shell, adding, “We’ll have to use the space heater to dry our stuff again, huh?”
Oliver unrolled his sleeping bag. He didn’t look up at me as he said, “Hey, Fortuna?”
“Yeah?”
“So you want to fuck me, huh?”
His tone was casual, but I still froze. “Oh, God. Listen, Ollie—”
He grinned and waved his hand. “We don’t have to talk about it. I realized how badly I treated you before I left. All that said, though… it’s just nice. Knowing that what I felt wasn’t completely unreciprocated.”
My embarrassment faded, and a small, sad smile curved my lips.
“No,” I told Oliver, adding my sleeping bag next to his. “No, it wasn’t unreciprocated.”
After that, we got undressed and set our clothes near the heater. Each of us got into our polyester cocoons, and I quickly learned there would be no sleep for me tonight. Thoughts shot through my mind like bullets, impossible to stop. Oliver breathed behind me, and I listened to every exhale with the thrilling, terrifying realization that, someday, this could be happening. He could actually be sleeping beside me in my world. The biggest obstacle standing in our way might just… vanish.
But where would it leave them, if you made Oliver real? that vicious little voice asked me.
Two faces flashed through my mind. One with silver eyes and a wicked grin. The other with dark hair and a solemn gaze.
As much as I wanted to dismiss that I’d considered Collith, pretend that it was just a moment of exhaustion, I couldn’t. He mattered. He had left a mark on me.
Mark. Spell. Bind. I was Alice, falling down the rabbit hole, flailing through the darkness, unable to catch hold of anything. Except the objects around me were thoughts and memories.
She’s promised to him!
Åsa’s voice screeched through my head, and I grimaced. What had she meant by that? There was so much I didn’t know. Not just whether I could bring Oliver into the real world, but about the past. About the parents I’d loved and lost too soon. What sort of promise had they made, and why did it lead them to that red door? I tossed and turned.
Oliver’s arms came around me again.
Before I could tell him it was useless, I heard it. Music. It seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere all at once, gentle, subtle. The faint melody sounded like hope.
“Are you doing this?” I asked faintly. Oliver didn’t answer, which was answer enough. Concern gripped me. “You shouldn’t, Ollie. You should save your strength.”
“Don’t worry about me. Just listen, Fortuna.”
I could tell from his tone that any arguments I made would fall on deaf ears. Giving in far too easily, I sighed and closed my eyes. Oliver kept using what little power he had left to make me a lullaby. The horrific things I’d seen tonight were replaced by images the notes provoked. Cherry blossoms. Rain. Mist over distant mountains.
Within seconds, I fell asleep.
But when I woke up on the other side of reality once more, I swore I could still hear the music, playing faintly from the part of my soul where Oliver lived.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Lights flicked on and buzzed overhead.
As the insides of my eyelids turned red, Oliver’s music faded. I’d been trying to come awake gradually, but now I was aware of the scratchy couch beneath me. The lights were still buzzing, too. I peeled my eyes open one at a time. Ouch.
I was in the waiting room at Adam’s shop, I realized slowly. The owner himself turned the lock on the door, then flipped the light switch next to it. A sign flickered to life in the window.
“Did I seriously sleep an entire day?” I asked, squinting.
“Day and a half, actually. Must’ve needed it. But the drinking probably didn’t help.”
“Probably not,” I agreed. Adam must’ve been getting a late start, too, if he was just opening. I sat up and searched for my phone, biting back a moan. “Emma must be worried sick. Oh, God, I was supposed to be bugging everyone for their hourly updates.”
“Your family is fine. The werewolf told them you were here. If you want to keep sleeping, you can use my bed.”
The offer made me smile. Something wistful and weary stole over my thoughts. “I wonder what my life would be like if we’d kept dating,” I mused.
“Wouldn’t have worked,” Adam said, pulling up the shades. They made a metallic sound.
Sunlight poured inside and I shielded my eyes. “Why not?”