“Collith…” I said his name on a sigh. A sigh that said a thousand things I couldn’t say with my tongue. Too much had happened in the brief time we’d known each other. It was the sort of strife that most people experienced over a lifetime, but ours had been shoved into a matter of weeks. Confused, wary, and dozens more feelings that filled my veins and sent my heart pounding, I shook my head. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth, Collith? You had every chance. I was right there. Every single day, I was right down the hall.”
It was his turn to look away again. The stage lights tinted his skin and highlighted his tight jaw. “Because I’m a coward. All right? I’m a fucking coward.”
Collith’s words sparked a memory, and I remembered what Lyari had once said about Collith. His Majesty may have a noble soul, but he also has a heart full of fear.
I saw it now. Collith was always so well-guarded, and the doors to his mind slammed shut. But there was fear in the way he rubbed his eyes and gave up waiting for my response. Fear in the way he couldn’t wait any longer for my response and spoke in a rush. “I realize this is an impossible concept to someone who fears nothing—” Collith started.
I cut him off with a sound that was supposed to be laughter, but it came out strange and sharp. “You think I don’t have fears? Is it because I’m such a monster, you assume I don’t feel every emotion as powerfully as you do?”
Collith’s nostrils flared, and I knew he sensed my fear. I kept forgetting that he possessed a Nightmare’s abilities now. “That’s it, isn’t it?” Collith said sharply. “That’s what you fear most. You really do think you’re a monster.”
“Because I am one, Collith. I liked it. What I did in that clearing. Not just the power, but the pain I was causing. The screams were… delicious.” I winced as I heard the word leave my mouth, and I lowered my eyes in a rush of shame.
Collith didn’t leave me hanging in suspense.
“I won’t deny that Nightmares have a predatory nature,” he said slowly. “Now that I have a taste of what it’s like to be one, I understand the temptation of using this power. It will always be part of what you are. But it’s not who you are, Fortuna, which is how I know you’ll never become what you fear.”
He sounded so certain. It was tempting to believe him. “And who am I?” I asked.
Collith looked into my eyes and said, “You’re the sort of person who would risk your life to save me from that dungeon, even though you loathe me.”
I don’t loathe you, I almost said. The words stuck in my throat.
Of its own volition, my focus dropped to Collith’s mouth, which was set in a tight line and slightly downturned, then my gaze snapped back to his. Everything between us brightened in a slow smolder of ice and fire. Images whispered through me, moments from the last evening we’d spent together. I remembered every detail as clearly as the crystal chandelier above our heads. At the time, I’d thought it was one of the best nights of my life.
“Do you know how much it took for me to trust you?” My voice broke. “And how much pain it caused when I found out the truth?”
Collith sounded like he was on the verge of breaking, too. “I do know, because I feel the same pain.”
“It’s not the same. After what happened at the crossroads, I was so afraid, Collith. I thought I’d never be able to enjoy someone touching me again. So that first night… when you and I…” I swallowed. “Your lie tainted it. Now I’ll think about the first time I had sex with someone and only be able to remember the manipulation. The power you took from me without my consent. All those years, I protected that piece of myself because I wanted it to be…”
“You wanted it to be a good memory,” he said.
I nodded, my mouth trembling. “Just one good memory, after so many bad ones. I guess that was too much to ask for, though.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I took that from you.”
I actually believed him. The truth would always remain that Collith didn’t deserve my forgiveness. But I hadn’t deserved Cyrus’s forgiveness, either, and he had given it freely.
Collith and I stared at each other, and in spite of everything, in spite of the words that still floated between us, I felt it. That relentless, inexplicable heat that he always seemed to cause in me, as if his proximity stoked a bed of coals resting at the bottom of my stomach.
Kiss me, I thought.
After everything Collith had done, I was too proud to admit I wanted him. But if he kissed me, I could still pretend. I could deny my weakness and questionable choices.
Our hearts thudded once. Twice. Three times. Collith didn’t move or speak.
It was impossible to decipher whether it was relief or immense disappointment that filled my heart. Hoping he hadn’t seen anything in my eyes, I stood from the chair and moved toward the exit. “Well, everyone has seen us together, and Laurie is probably—”
With the speed of a creature that hadn’t been born in this world, Collith grabbed my skirt and pulled me to him with such force that I caught my balance on his chest. In the next breath, we were kissing, our mouths so hungry and frantic that it felt like we’d have no other nights but this one. We wouldn’t, I told myself. We moved into the shadows, and my back pressed against a wall covered in drapery and padded velvet. Collith tasted like wine; he must’ve had a glass before meeting me tonight. I moaned into his mouth, the sound covered by the crescendo of a singer below.
Collith didn’t bother removing my dress—he just lifted the voluminous skirts. Before I realized what he was doing, he pulled my panties to the side, got down on his knees, and ran the tip of his tongue through my folds. I almost let out a gasp that would’ve surely alarmed people in the boxes around us. My legs were already threatening to give out.
But I knew there wasn’t enough time to reach that peak, and I wanted to remember what it felt like to have Collith inside me. I reached down and cupped his jaw, wordlessly tugging him upright. He got to his feet and I kissed him again. As we consumed each other, I used both hands to undo his belt.
Collith figured out what I wanted and helped me with the stubborn prong. Then he stopped and said, “I don’t have a condom.”
“I do. In my backpack.”
He sifted before the words had fully left my mouth.
Collith was back in less than a minute. I hadn’t moved. I watched, breathing hard, as he opened his pants and put his hand inside. The belt jangled, but I didn’t care if anyone heard, especially when Collith’s length sprang free. He was already hard and ready. He reached for my legs, probably to pick me up, but something stopped him. Collith searched my eyes. In a silent answer, I put my arms around his neck and drew him even deeper into the darkness.
A wrapper crinkled and I stood there, listening to the opera while Collith put the condom on. Then, acting as if we had time, he moved my skirts aside and dragged my underwear down, sensually kissing bits of bare skin as he went.
I was about to urge him on when Collith lifted me and held my legs against his hips. He positioned his erection at my opening, which clenched and unclenched with tingling anticipation. The second I felt the tip of his cock, I expected Collith to be rough and abrupt. Instead, he sank inside me slowly. I stifled another groan, burying my fingers in his hair like I’d been wanting to all night. I kissed him again and flattened my chest against his.