I watched the queen meld into the crowd, and I realized this was the creature Collith had probably fallen in love with. The creature that had crooned, cajoled, threatened, and bargained her way to the throne. Strangely enough, I couldn’t blame my ex for loving her, however psychotic she’d turned out to be.
Viessa came back, pouting. “You’re not dancing with me!”
I hesitated, looking toward the crowd with an uncertain frown. “I guess I’m not in the dancing mood,” I said after a long pause.
“If I fetch you a pregnancy test, right now, will you dance with me afterwards?” the queen asked bluntly.
Hearing my secret come from someone else’s lips felt like a slap. I gaped at her, struck speechless for once. There didn’t seem any point in lying, so when I recovered, I didn’t try. “How did you know?” I said.
Viessa arched a brow. “You didn’t really think I’d miss the shot, did you? You’re a terrible liar, dear.”
She didn’t say anything else, and I realized the queen was waiting for a response to her offer. My stomach churned. It was just fear, I knew that, but I couldn’t ignore the tiny voice wondering if my upset stomach was something more. Collith and I hadn’t exactly been careful during our… recent encounters. A baby was all-too possible.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to take a test,” I confessed, trying to keep my voice down. I didn’t want the entire Seelie Court getting wind of this.
“Have I discovered what the great Fortuna Sworn is afraid of?” Viessa asked, dramatically widening her eyes. “The Slayer of the Undead cowers from the truth?”
I wasn’t amused. “I don’t know how that one caught on. All I did was burn my fucking house down with some zombies inside it,” I muttered.
“Sometimes the facts don’t matter,” Viessa countered. “Why else would stories still hold so much power?”
“Are all faeries such chatty drunks?”
She raised her frost-tipped eyebrows at me. “Face your fear, Nightmare. You’re no coward.”
As annoying as I found her just then, the queen was right. I needed to stop running, not just from this, but all the things I was afraid of. “Where are we supposed to get a test at this time of night?” I asked, resigned.
Everything happened quickly after that. Viessa got some tests from her friend, who apparently carried them around in her purse, and the queen marched us into a bathroom. She didn’t turn her back as I did my part, and I bit back a biting remark that could get me in trouble. Afterward, I set the test on the edge of the sink, and we prepared to wait. Viessa didn’t fill the silence; she was peering at her phone with narrowed eyes.
Then my results appeared on the grainy screen.
“It’s negative,” I said, frowning. I stared down at the tiny line, struggling to believe it. I’d been so certain…
“Do another one. I don’t want you to have any doubts,” Viessa instructed.
I didn’t argue. Driven by a tide of feeling I couldn’t define, I reached for the second pregnancy test, and we did it all again. Another straight line appeared. Negative. Seeing it, Viessa strode to the door, her heels clipping against the tiles.
“Now for your end of the bargain,” she said, pushing it open. Light and sound poured into the room. The faerie stood there, waiting with an expectant look.
Letting out a sad breath, I tossed the tests into the trash and followed her through the crowd.
Music made the air vibrate and pound. At first, I was unenthusiastic, distracted. Viessa was charming, though, and she knew how to set others at ease. Soon enough, she’d convinced me to move my arms and sway. The room was so hot that sweat slid down the skin between my breasts. Someone brushed against me, and I instinctively edged away, unable to hide my cringe. Viessa didn’t miss a thing. She moved closer and put her lips next to my ear, her body still moving in time to the beat. “There’s no shame in what you are, Nightmare,” she said. “Would you tell a lion not to hunt, or a wolf not to howl?”
She stepped back, her expression knowing, and I rolled my eyes. A broad-shouldered human pressed against her back, daring to skim her sides with his hands. I waited for Viessa to turn him into an ice sculpture, but she merely turned and pressed into the male, rolling her groin against his. His teeth glowed in the neon lights as he grinned.
The next time someone’s skin touched mine, I forced myself not to recoil. Instead, I danced closer, allowing it to happen again. The human was a delicate-boned girl with so many freckles on her face they resembled stars in the sky. A flavor coated my tongue, distinct and floral—lavender. There were her everyday fears, the manageable phobias most people had. Dogs, deep water, needles. Then, beneath these, a well of terror beckoned to me. I peered into the darkness and saw the faint beginnings of her memories, the days and moments that had shaped who she was.
Time lost meaning. Viessa and I kept dancing, and the tide kept changing, bringing new morsels with it. I drank their fear like it was wine, small sips from an ever-filling glass, and soon I was buzzing. Buzzing, and I hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol.
It got to the point that I felt nauseous and dizzy. Knowing that I should be alarmed by this, I leaned close to Viessa, who was dancing with her curly-haired partner again.
“Be right back,” I shouted. The queen nodded, flapping her hand to indicate she’d heard me.
I turned and fought through the crowd again, heading for the doorway closest to me. An EXIT sign glowed above it. Slamming my palms against the long, metal bar, I stepped into an area clearly meant for smokers. High above us, a tarp was strung across the space between the buildings, shielding clubbers from heavy, fat raindrops. The cold was merciless, already numbing the tip of my nose and ears. After I’d taken several deep breaths, I hugged myself and looked toward the street, wondering if I should just text Viessa and leave. The frigid temperature had brought me back to myself, and now I couldn’t stop thinking about those pregnancy tests. It deflated any desire to go back inside.
“Fortuna.”
The voice made me shriek, and I spun around.
“Collith.” I let out a breath, my muscles turning to liquid, before I remembered where we were. A group of humans that stood nearby were staring. My eyes narrowed at the faerie who’d appeared beside me, wondering if he was shielding himself from sight. I probably looked like I was talking to the air. Annoyance clung to my voice as I demanded, “What are you doing here? Have you been following me?”
“Look inside my head,” Collith said by way of greeting. Drops of rain nestled in his hair and eyelashes, and a black coat protected the rest of him. “See for yourself whether I’m telling the truth. You should have no difficulty finding anything—most of my memories are wrapped in fear.”
“I’ve been inside your head. I’ve got enough to talk to my therapist about,” I retorted. Collith was silent now. He stood there, waiting, and there was resolve in the set of his jaw. Blazing from his hazel eyes. He’d probably just keep showing up, wherever I went, making the same demand. I swallowed a sigh.
“I’ll make you a deal,” Collith said, unaware that I’d been about to give in. “The same one I offered a lifetime ago, when you let me win that game of Connect Four.”