It only took me a moment to figure out what he was trying to say—Finn was asking about the day I’d ended up in the hospital. We hadn’t talked about it, I realized as I shifted on the floor, trying to hide my distress. In all the time that had passed since the terrible day I’d made my unforgivable request to Cyrus, Finn and I had never actually acknowledged it. We’d started to, but I’d let my pain and fear get in the way.
I swallowed the shame rising up my throat. “That was wrong of me. In more ways than one,” I told him.
Finn visibly struggled for a moment. Then he managed to say, the words guttural and halting, “Promise me. Promise you won’t…”
“I promise,” I said. I didn’t hesitate, despite the bloody lessons I’d learned these past few months. Actions and choices had consequences, even ones like this. Promises were heavy things, and few people were truly prepared to carry the weight of them. Myself included.
But my wolf had been trying to protect me for so long, and at every turn, I’d done the opposite of what a pack member should. I swallowed and added, “No more deals with demons, no more dragonfire. No more trouble in general. From now on, I’ll behave.”
Finn’s eyes softened. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You like getting into trouble, I think.”
It took me a moment to realize that he’d actually made a joke. It was weak, but a joke nonetheless. A smile bloomed across my face. I put my hand next to his, our pinkies almost touching. My mind raced to think of a new topic. Something that would bring him hope and combat the darkness inside.
“We’ve never talked about it, you know,” I ventured gently. “About what you want to do after this, I mean. Damon is going back to school and Emma is thinking about opening a dispensary, God help us all. But what about you, Finn? What are your dreams?”
“You,” he whispered, his eyes closing. “Just you.”
I smiled and dared to touch his cheek with the tip of my finger. Finn didn’t move. “You can’t follow me around for the rest of your life.”
“Why not?” he asked, still not looking at me.
I drew my hand back over the chalk boundary. “Because you deserve more, silly wolf.”
“I know what I deserve.” Finn’s voice sounded less pained now. Less faint. He opened his eyes, and they were sharper than before. Unease crept through my veins, but I still wasn’t prepared when he said, “I want to make the Blood Vow.”
I didn’t pretend to misunderstand. The thought of binding someone else to me, even Finn, created a knot of anxiety in my stomach. “It doesn’t mean anything, Finn,” I insisted. “What Gil and I share was a result of desperation and fear. I was just trying to stop a newborn vampire from killing—”
His eyes turned black again, and a jolt of terror cut me short. I stared at him. Finn’s body quaked, and then his eyes were back to brown. “Can’t fight it much longer,” he growled.
At some point, I’d risen to my knees. When Finn started shaking again, I became frantic, my hands hovering near the chalk boundary. Words spilled out of me, mindless. “Let’s make a deal, okay? Hey, are you listening to me? I’ll exchange the Blood Vow with you if you keep fighting that thing. Savannah is looking for a way to get it out, so we just need to buy her some time.”
“Kill me,” Finn gasped, wrenching at the chains. “Kill me before I hurt you, Fortuna!”
The thud-thud-thud of footsteps burst through the stillness. A moment later, Savannah rushed past, crossing the chalk line at a sprint. She released a string of Enochian and slammed her knee down onto Finn. She crushed a fistful of wolfsbane into his snapping mouth, her wiry arms standing on end as he writhed. Once the herb practically covered the entire lower half of Finn’s face, Savannah threw herself backward.
“Sorry I’m late,” she panted. “I had to go farther for the monkshood this time. Good news is, I got a bigger haul, so it should buy us another day.”
I barely heard her; my eyes were glued to Finn. Fury ripped through me when he whimpered. Not at Savannah, but the demon causing so much torment. My hands clenched into helpless fists. I couldn’t do anything but watch as my friend twisted and flailed, his spine bending at unnatural angles.
After a few more agonizing seconds, Finn’s body slackened. I settled just outside of the circle again, and I could taste the bitter tang of tears on my tongue. I glared at Finn’s tense, slumbering face as if I could see the creature inside him.
“Are you listening to me, you pathetic worm?” I said the words in a whisper, but my voice shook with rage. “You will pay for this. You will pay for this.”
“Did I come at a bad time?”
I didn’t react at the sound of Laurie’s voice. “Not now,” I said flatly.
“I want to show you something,” he said above me, ignoring this. “Why don’t you take a break?”
Still, I didn’t move or take my eyes off Finn. I could see Savannah hovering near us. “I’m not leaving him, Laurie.”
“Zara always uses the good stuff—your werewolf won’t wake for hours yet.”
“I’ll stay with Finn, Your Majesty,” Lyari interjected.
When had she gotten here? I pushed myself up and turned in a burst of impatience, ready to argue. Lyari looked back at me with that same steadiness she always seemed to emanate, and the words in my throat faded. We both knew her word was as good as steel. Some of the tension left me, and I thought about how I’d hardly left this basement these past three days. Slowly, I tore my gaze from Lyari and refocused on the Seelie Prince, who was resplendent as ever in a suit of blue velvet. I gave him a barely perceptible nod.
His sharp eyes didn’t miss a thing. In an instant, he extended his hand toward me in a wordless urge. Let’s leave this place.
As I put my fingertips in the center of his palm, I thought of the firelit room we’d once shared. I shoved the memory back into the darkness, furious with myself for thinking of anything other than Finn, even for a second. He was going through this because of me. If he hadn’t met me, or become part of my life, Belanor never would’ve given my werewolf a second glance.
Walking past Lyari and Savannah, Laurie and I went upstairs. I was surprised when he didn’t sift. In the entryway, Laurie watched me pull on my coat and boots. Normally, I would find his lack of commentary unnerving. But not today. Not with what was happening in the basement below us.
Once I was ready, Laurie opened the door and moved aside. My shoulder brushed against his chest as I stepped into the cold. The sky overhead was a deep blue. The waning sunlight, as it burned through the spaces between trees, had the look of a hungry flame. All oranges, reds, and yellows. I shoved my hands into my pockets and started toward the path I’d once taken multiple times a day.
Laurie didn’t try to fill the silence. We walked beside each other, together and apart, and the only sounds were my footsteps over sheets of ice and stretches of hardened snow. The only sign of life we encountered was a small cabin, its edges alight with small lights.
It was almost Christmas, I remembered with a rush of dismay. I’d been so distracted that I hadn’t even begun thinking about presents, and this year there were a lot more people to shop for. Shit. What the hell was I going to get Gil? A year’s worth of hair gel, maybe?