“Trust me, I won’t be making that mistake again,” I muttered, “Being human was more terrible than I’d anticipated.”
I saw the edge of Laurie’s face move as he frowned; the firelight was almost completely gone now. His voice was sharper as he said, “Usually I find self-destructive behavior entertaining, but what you did was worryingly stupid. Hopelessly moronic. Shockingly idiotic—”
“I get it, Laurie.”
“From the moment you stepped foot in the Unseelie Court, you began making enemies. It was almost impressive. Truly, I’ve never seen someone cause so much uproar within so short a timeframe. With every admirer drooling at your feet, there was an assassin at your back, holding up a knife. You had one advantage over them, one thing that kept most of those killers at bay, and you threw it away because of a lover’s quarrel. I knew you were impulsive but I never thought you were a fool.”
I bristled. “Excuse me? You call total betrayal a lover’s quarrel?”
“No, I call total betrayal just another Tuesday. And you didn’t answer my question.”
“Annoying, isn’t it?” I countered. I glared at Laurie for a moment, but even that took too much effort. I was still so tired. What time was it? Why was Gil’s side of the bond so quiet?
I was trying to ignore Laurie, but it wasn’t working. He just laid there, looking at me, waiting for an answer. It was hypocritical, really. Any time I asked him a question, he danced around it as though life were a strange waltz and he was the only one who knew the steps.
Sighing, I relented and gave Laurie what he wanted, because one way or the other, he’d get it anyway. “Learning the truth about Collith felt like a breaking point. I didn’t go on a murderous rampage because of a lover’s quarrel, it was because of everything. Every shitty, horrible thing that’s happened to me or my family since Jassin took Damon from his garden. I’m not saying it’s rational, but I started thinking of it as the solution to all my problems—getting rid of the Nightmare part, the Fallen part. Separating myself from that world entirely. I was convinced being free of it would ease the pain. That constant, eternal, fucking relentless pain. So I went to a friend and asked him to help me. It was the most selfish, most reckless thing I’ve ever done, and I think I regretted it from the second I saw the look in Cyrus’s eyes.”
There was a pause. Nervousness twisted in my gut; I didn’t know how Laurie would react to the unexpected vulnerability I’d handed him. He wouldn’t mock me, of that I was sure, but what if he tried to make my pain seem small? What I considered trauma, Laurie probably considered inevitable. He was a faerie, and for them, violence was just foreplay.
After another moment he said, the bed shifting beneath us, “And I bet you regretted it a moment later, too, when the flames got to you.”
I waited, but Laurie didn’t lecture me again, or ask me anything else. He got out of the bed, and then there was a click. Lamplight flowed over the room.
“In my defense, I didn’t think it would literally burn me,” I said, blinking to help my eyes adjust. “I figured it was just—”
I caught a glimpse of Laurie’s firm backside before I hastily averted my gaze. My cheeks burned. How had I missed the fact that he’d been naked the entire night?
Acting as if I hadn’t stopped mid-sentence, Laurie reached for a silk robe and casually draped it around his flawless body. “Contrary to popular belief, I think the Fallen feel things more powerfully than humans,” he said abruptly. “Think about it—if a human gets angry, there might be an argument or a fistfight. But when one of us loses our temper, there are wars or piles of dead bodies. If a human is grieving, there are funerals and months of quiet pain. When a Fallen creature grieves, there is retribution and years of despair. It stands to reason that, if you keep yourself on such a tight leash, you’re eventually going to rip free and do something you regret.”
He strode into the bathroom, using the adjoining door. I sat up, holding my knees. I knew I should go check on Gil, but I was reluctant. It felt like once I left this bed, the chaos would begin again, another cycle of terror that would add a new nightmare to the ones already wandering the wilderness inside my head. A light turned on and spilled through the open doorway.
“Spoken like someone who has a regret or two of his own,” I ventured.
Laurie reappeared and leaned his hip against the doorjamb, crossing his arms. He was still only wearing only his robe, and he didn’t seem to care that the flaps fluttered at his sides, leaving everything underneath… exposed.
Before I fixed my attention firmly elsewhere again, I confirmed that Laurelis Dondarte’s cock was just as big as his mouth.
I knew I wasn’t imagining his faint smirk as he said, “The past is the past, Fortuna. I’m only interested in the here and now.”
I snorted softly. “You’re either lying to me or yourself, because part of you does live in the past. Quite frequently.”
I didn’t need to say Collith’s name—I could tell from how his eyes narrowed that Laurie heard it anyway. He pushed off the doorframe and went back into the bathroom, moving out of my sight. I stayed where I was, and in the quiet, I finally noticed the slow pressure of anxiety rising inside me. We were wasting time talking about Collith, and the dragonfire, and whatever else we’d been whispering in this darkened bedroom. We had to steal Finn back and get all of us out of this palace.
“Are you ever going to reveal the plan for our grand escape?” I called, the irritation I felt seeping into my tone.
Laurie’s voice floated through the stillness, echoing off marble. It was accompanied by the sound of running water. “I already told you, weren’t you listening? Tonight, Mother dearest is throwing a party on palace grounds. We will take the opportunity to present you to the Court. When they see me at your side, it will lend you some protection, flimsy though it may be. Belanor will not be able to seize you in public, at least. It would be considered rude to claim another faerie’s guest.”
“Rude?” I echoed, disbelieving.
“Indeed.” More splashing. “However, if we attempt to leave in the same manner we arrived, I’m sure Belanor will invent some excuse or other to arrest you. Probably treason, if I were to guess.”
“Treason?”
Laurie came into the room again, rubbing lotion into his hands. “Yes, now hush. I’ve given this some thought, and what a puzzle it’s been. Using my abilities is out of the question, because if I were tied to any rumors of treason, it could be exactly what Belanor needs to have me executed. He’s been trying to do it for years, and I quite like my head where it is, thank you very much. I considered another obvious angle, which would be creating a diversion. Then I asked myself, what is the opposite of what my lovely brother would expect of me?”
“Why do you sound like you’re enjoying this?” I demanded.
“Because it’s Belanor,” Laurie said, as if this was answer enough. He crossed the space and opened a wardrobe. I blinked when he pulled some clothes out; I’d expected King Laurelis Dondarte to have the world’s biggest, most ridiculous closet.
“He may be a twat,” Laurie continued, pulling on a pair of crisp slacks. “but he’s not a complete idiot. He’ll be prepared for conventional tactics. Fortunately, I am anything but conventional.”