Sawyer shoves between me and the wall, forcing my chin up.
“Is it that terrible being close to me?” His handsome face fills my vision, his tie at an angle as if he was yanking on the fabric. “You didn’t used to hate it.”
“You can get up on stage and rip into those people because you don’t need them. But this is my life, Sawyer. You can’t tell me to stand up for myself and everything will be okay. Because you don’t understand, and you gave up the right to care.”
“Tell me anyway.”
My eyes are burning. “My family’s splintering apart, my dad’s business is crashing down and he’s trying to hold it together but he doesn’t believe in his own daughter. Everything I thought I knew is crumbling. And you’re the one who made me see the cracks.”
Sawyer grabs my shoulders, his fingers digging in until my flesh hurts. “Olivia…”
I shove him, hard.
He trips backward a step before straightening. His steady hands adjust his shirt collar.
“Again. Come on, sweetheart.”
I do, not because of the invitation but the endearment.
How dare he care?
He deleted our texts, our history, our relationship.
We aren’t anything.
This time, he hits the wall.
A rainbow of emotions—concern, regret, something that makes his eyes gleam—are scrawled across his face, and my heart skips.
His gaze drops to my throat for a beat, two.
Then he tucks my head under his chin and wraps both arms around me.
Out there, the world is fucked but everyone pretends it’s not.
Here in Sawyer’s arms…there’s no hiding. There’s only truth and strength.
His fingers play with my hair. He leans his forehead against mine, holding my face with both hands.
He smells like alcohol but every part of me aches to beg him to hold me again, to tell me everything will be fine, to blanket me with his reckless confidence.
“You said you’re not what people expect. So what are you?” My breath trembles between my lips.
His eyes lighten, honey tones dancing in the dark chocolate. It should soften him.
It doesn’t.
“A man who hates himself almost enough he can’t sleep at night, but not enough to stay away from you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut against the traitorous thudding of my heart.
We could get out of here. Run for the street, deal with the consequences later.
It’s even harder than I expect to pull away when he’s holding me. “I need to get back.”
I return to the ballroom, checking my makeup in my compact mirror on the way.
“Nice hair,” Emma says as I retake my seat.
It’s not until I feel the side of my head that I realize Sawyer took all the pins out.
5
Sawyer
“What?” I bark as the speaker in my Mercedes’ notifies me of an incoming call.
“Sawyer, it’s Tate. Apologies for missing the fundraiser. I heard there were some top partner prospects there.”
“You mean suits with more money than brains? Sure. Give them chandeliers and open bars, they’re good to go.”
Now that I’m on my way back from the city, I’m glad Tate wasn’t there. If he’d come, he would’ve seen a man consumed by thoughts of a woman.
After Olivia left me in the hallway last night, I returned to the ballroom for the requisite glad-handing. But my head was only half in it.
The only future I cared about was one that involved wiping away her tears until I could make her laugh, reminding her with my lips and words and body that she’s enough and it’ll all work out.
I wanted to help her, in my own fucked up way, but instead I made things worse.
“Your remarks seem to have made an impact.” Tate’s voice cuts into my thoughts.
“It was an introduction.”
“We need to be careful not to piss people off.”
“Is that why you called?”
“No.” He sighs. “Talent acquisition. If we’re going to start our new firm as scheduled, we need hires.”
“We are the talent. Look at the top companies in any industry; what’s lacking is vision, not manpower. Steve Jobs revolutionized communications, not an army of yes-men.”
“I’m not talking about yes-men, I’m talking about engineers. Ten at least to get us started. You can’t do all the work—you don’t have the time or the expertise.” He pauses. “I’m guessing this was part of the problem at your old company.”
“The problem at my old company was my cofounder was severely limited in his ambition. Graham cared more about the bottom line than pushing the frontier.”
My gaze drops to the stone watch on my wrist, a stark contrast to my ex-cofounder’s shiny oyster Rolex.
“It’s not either-or, Sawyer. We need to keep the lights on and pay the bills. Being the first mover is hard and expensive. The second mover, the one who follows close behind, gets the spoils.”
“But he has to look himself in the mirror at night and know that he was second.” I let that sink in. “We’ll get people from your firm. You’re a Senior Vice President for fuck’s sake.”
“They won’t walk without the assurance of a bigger payday.”
“I can try to interest people from my former firm. There are a few who might move with us. I’ll make some calls.”
After hanging up with Tate, I pull over to the side of the road and find my contact list from the old company.
Thirty minutes later, I’ve spoken with three former colleagues. None of them expressed more than a vague interest in moving.
This is a problem.
I click off and shove a hand through my hair as the road flies past my window.
I wanted a fresh start with a former rival, making the best tech on the planet. The rush of living on that edge, having money for R&D, not watching my ass or worrying about who else is.
Now, we need to attract new talent, too. I mentally scroll through names in my class roster. I know their faces, but next to nothing about their lives.
I don’t know who they are, or what they want.
When I get back into town, I don’t bother stopping at home but go straight to campus and up to my office.
I pull up my dad’s academic files from past years. He used to assign a short paper on why students wanted to be engineers. Sure enough, I find most of my students in there—including Madison, Royce, Adam, and Olivia.
My cursor hovers over the last one, but in the end, I ignore it and open the others.
If Tate and I are going to be able to recruit a team to support the work we’re planning to do, one of us needs to be able to bring junior engineers on staff and mentor them once they’re there.
I should’ve spent less time thinking of Olivia and more thinking of the rest of them.
That changes today.
6
Olivia
Liv: Can I get today’s class notes from you?
Adam: Sure. But you owe me ;)
The first Monday after fall break, I skip engineering class.