Levi looked at his mom, who had the good grace to wince. He shook his head at her, then smiled at Peyton. “Hey, sweetness. And there’s no wedding on the horizon.”
“That’s okay!” The six-year-old beamed at him, her two front teeth missing. “Hospitals smell bad. Like medicine and burnt toast and Grandpa when he forgets to spray after going potty.”
“Peyton,” Tess said, sounding like she was holding back a laugh. “You can’t possibly smell all those scents at once.”
“Actually, you can,” Levi said. “The human nose can distinguish at least a trillion different odors.”
His mom, dad, and sister stared at him, but Peyton laughed in delight. “Is a trillion a lot?”
“A lot, a lot,” he said.
“More than the stars in the sky?”
“In our galaxy, yes,” he said. “But not in the universe.”
His dad tossed up his hands. “He gets his head bashed in, but can still cite weird random science facts.”
“That’s why he beats you at Trivial Pursuit,” his mom said. “It’s also why he can fix anything and everything. It’s how he’s wired, Hank, you know that.”
Levi had taken a lot of teasing over the years for being the family fix-it guy, but he hadn’t been able to stop Amy from dying, or keep his sister from getting dumped by her asshole husband, Cal. And no matter how hard he’d tried, he hadn’t been able to fix the emptiness inside of him that he was beginning to be afraid was just a part of him now.
Peyton patted his IV-free hand and smiled at him so sweetly and adoringly it almost hurt. “Mommy told me I can pick a candy from the ’chine!”
Tess looked pained. “Every time I say no, she hears ask again. Giving in was the path of least resistance.”
Peyton tried to climb up onto his bed. Tess attempted to stop her, but Levi leaned over and gave Peyton an assist. It hurt his head, but hell, so did life.
Peyton sat on his bed at his hip, her smile slowly fading as she got a closer look at him. “You haz an owie!” she said, pointing at his head.
“It’ll heal.”
She nodded, then leaned over and gave him a very wet kiss on his cheek. “I bring you candy from the ’chine. Grandma! We haz to get him some candy!”
“I’ve got something better.” Levi’s mom sat in the corner chair and started going through her bag. “Power bars. I made them myself . . . where did they go . . .”
Tess sighed and shifted closer to Levi. “Thanks for the car ride over here with her, by the way,” she whispered.
“Oh, I’m sorry, was my near-death experience inconvenient for you?”
His mom raised her head with her ultrasonic maternal ears that could probably also hear his heart rate. “Your near death?” she repeated, eyes wide.
“He’s just kidding,” Tess said.
Levi risked his head falling off by nodding.
“Let’s talk about Jane,” his mom said. “Where is she?”
“She’s been released.”
“Released . . . Well, for goodness sakes.” She sat down, removed her contact lenses while muttering about how annoying they were, and then slid on her bright blue glasses. “Why isn’t she at your bedside? And how come you’ve never mentioned her before? How did you meet? Is she from here or San Francisco? What does she do?” She was looking around as if waiting for another bed to miraculously appear, and suddenly the hairdo and makeup made sense.
She’d dressed for Jane.
Making up a girlfriend had definitely not been a good son moment. It’d seemed so logical when he had been staring death in the face, but now . . . “Listen, about—”
“Oh, no.” His mom put her hand to her mouth. “You were dumped.”
“No—” He blinked. “And why would you think I’d be dumped?”
She had the good grace to wince. “I mean . . . it happens to everyone at least once, right?”
“I wasn’t dumped. I made her up.”
His mom dropped her hand from her mouth to her heart. “Are you telling me you’d rather lie to my face about not having a girlfriend just so that you don’t have to introduce her to me? You’re that ashamed of us?”
There wasn’t enough pain medication for this.
“All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy,” his mom said softly with the threat of tears in her voice. “And you having someone in your life was the best news I’ve had in a long time. It means everything to me.”
He exhaled slowly and felt himself cave like a cheap suitcase. “Jane’s not been in Sunrise Cove for long. And as for what she does, she’s a nurse.”
“A nurse,” she repeated, sounding impressed. “I’d so love to meet her, and before you say no, I promise to not embarrass you.”
“Mom.” He reached for her hand. “You don’t embarrass me.”
“Good. Then you can invite her to our big fortieth anniversary dinner.”
The regular Cutler family dinners were a mixture of bickering, disagreeing, and once in a while, a good food fight to boot. Holidays were regular family dinner times two. His parents’ fortieth anniversary dinner, four weeks from now, would be exponentially worse. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. “Mom, that’s really not necessary—”
“Oh no, you don’t.” She sucked in a deep breath, her eyes sparkling with sudden tears. “You think I don’t know that you’re underplaying what happened last night? How we could’ve lost you? With Jane, you’ve finally moved on from Amy’s passing and are ready to live your life, and in one fell swoop it could’ve been over.”
There was a single beat of uncomfortable silence. The Cutlers didn’t do emotions well. No one, not his dad and certainly not his sister, wanted to discuss feelings. Ever.
Levi wasn’t much better. Yes, Amy had been the first person in his life to understand him, to get who he was, and he’d adored her for that. With her, he’d never had to explain himself or his differences. She’d actually been a lot like him, and while he’d never been as convinced as she that their genuine affection and love for each other meant that they were in love or that they’d make good life partners, he was afraid he’d never find that easy acceptance again. Thinking about her gave him a definite ache, but after two years, he’d finally gotten good at dealing with his shit. “You didn’t lose me, Mom. I’m right here.”
“I know, and I’m grateful for that. And I love that you’re finally seeing someone,” she said in that fierce mama bear tone she’d been using with a hundred percent success rate on him since birth. “All I’m asking for is a chance to meet the woman who brought your big, beautiful heart back to life.”
His so-called big, beautiful heart pinched. Calling home last night had been beyond stupid. But more, it’d been selfish.
“I thought we’d lost you,” she said quietly, desperately.
“I’m really okay—”
“I meant when you left Tahoe. We hardly ever see you anymore.”
Okay, true. But that hadn’t been just about losing Amy. It’d also been because he’d felt . . . smothered here. San Francisco had been good for him, really good.