She shook her head. “Real life’s not like that. Memories stay. People go.”
He hated that this was the lesson she’d gotten out of her childhood, and put his hand over hers. “What happened next?”
“I bounced around, and when I turned sixteen, I emancipated myself.”
Yeah, brave as hell, and he had a whole new appreciation for what she’d done with her life. But damn, he hated that she’d never really had a home to call her own. “Do you see your grandpa when you’re here?”
“No. Thinking about it, though. Maybe.” She met his gaze, caught the look on his face, and shook her head. “Don’t feel sorry for me. It wasn’t all bad.”
She’d been through hell and she was comforting him. His heart tightened at that. “Your family failed you.”
“They did the best they could. And I never had to go into the system.” She shuddered. “I know people who are still scarred from that life.”
He squeezed her hand. “Still, it couldn’t have been easy.”
“Yeah, but when is life ever easy?”
She was amazing and resilient, and he wanted to hold her. He wanted to do other things too. She was beautiful, and he was extremely attracted to her, but more than anything, he wanted to make her smile. Make her feel as special as she made him feel.
Kendra came by and gathered up their plates. “Your s’mores platter is ready when you are.”
Levi stood and took Jane’s hand, pulling her up. “Come on. They’ll serve it by the fire pit.”
There were six fire pits spread out on a snow-covered patio. The sitting arrangements were low benches. They claimed a spot by themselves and Kendra brought a platter that held three bowls filled with marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers.
“I’ve never done this before,” Jane said.
Levi smiled and handed her a spear. “You just load a marshmallow—” He broke off as she loaded not one, not two, but three marshmallows on her spear and held it over the fire, looking so excited that he laughed as he loaded his own spear. He held his marshmallow over the fire too and gently tapped it to hers.
She looked up at him from where she’d been deep in concentration on her marshmallow.
“Thanks for tonight,” he said.
“I haven’t been out in a long time,” she admitted.
“How long is long?”
She thought about it. “Maybe over a year. My last relationship was a long-distance one, and it didn’t work out.”
“What happened?”
“Long distance.” She lifted a shoulder. “I got a new assignment, and we weren’t serious enough to make it work.” She pulled her marshmallows back from the fire and beamed with pride. Perfectly golden. She carefully sandwiched them with chocolate and then graham crackers.
“Thought you’d never done this before.”
“Haven’t,” she said. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t always want to try.” She took a big bite, and he became enthralled with the dollop of melted marshmallow at the corner of her mouth.
“What happened between you and Amy?” she asked.
The question surprised him, but he supposed it shouldn’t have. He’d hesitated to tell her before, but he didn’t like the idea of hiding Amy. She deserved more than being a secret.
Jane narrowed her eyes at his long pause. “Did you cheat on her?”
“No.”
“Just checking. You don’t seem to have a lot of obvious faults, so I had to ask. Did you know your marshmallow’s on fire?”
“Shit.” He yanked his spear from over the pit and blew out the fire, eyeing the black lump that used to be a marshmallow.
Jane laughed.
He looked at her clearly enjoying his discomfort and had to shake his head. “See? Plenty of faults.”
“Uh-huh, and one of them is being good at coming up with distractions when you’re asked uncomfortable questions. You make crap s’mores. And you don’t have a poker face.”
She was still smiling, and damn if it didn’t bring out one of his own. “I have faults,” he said. “Lots of them.”
“Yeah? I’m all ears.”
“Okay . . .” He thought about it, not wanting to give away the farm, but wanting to be honest. “I hyperfocus on work and lose track of everything else. And when I’m in that headspace, I can apparently be . . .” He thought about the biggest complaint Amy and his few other shorter relationships had always had. “Distant.”
“Me too,” she said and bit into her s’more. Her moan cut through him. As did her next question. “So. Amy. What happened? You’ve known her since you were a kid, she told you that you were in a relationship, you went to college together, and then . . . ?”
“We got engaged.” The year after college, they’d played house and they’d been happy. Or so he thought. But then she started pressing for that wedding she’d been dreaming of since seventh grade. He made some agreeable noises and she’d been so happy, but he’d stalled on setting a date.
And then she’d died—without the wedding, which had been all she’d ever wanted.
These days he never made promises. Ever. He looked at Jane and felt a pang, because if he was the promising type, she’d be the woman he’d want to make promises to.
“Levi?”
Shit. Why had he pushed for deep tonight? He was allergic to deep. Maybe when he’d hit his head, he’d been more injured than he’d originally thought. Although it wasn’t his head aching now, it was his chest.
Something to think about.
But for now, there was no getting around this. “She passed away unexpectedly a year after we were engaged,” he said. “An aneurysm.”
“Oh my God.” She set down her s’more. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed—”
“No, it’s okay. And what was it you said? It sucks. Life sucks. But then you learn to live with it. You don’t necessarily forget, but you move on.”
Her eyes were warm. Regretful, but also understanding. She didn’t offer empty platitudes, for which he was grateful. She simply nodded and then went about toasting another perfect marshmallow. Then she created a s’more with it and handed it to him.
That was when he realized that the more he got to know her, the more real he wanted this to be.
“This was a very unusual date,” she said, eyes dark by the fire’s glow, mouth utterly kissable.
He smiled. “You said date.”
“Pretend date,” she corrected. “You promised me, remember?”
Right. He’d also promised not to fall for her. Guess he did make promises after all. Really bad ones. “I remember.”
She nodded. Stared at his mouth. “A very unusual pretend date.”
“Do you go on a lot of pretend dates, then?”
She shook her head. Nibbled on her lip, which was what he wanted to do too. He should be pulling away rather than wanting to extend the evening for as long as possible, but he didn’t want to go anywhere. What he wanted was to see her again. And again.
“I’m going to be gone soon,” she reminded him as if she could read his mind. “So are you too, right?”