Merrin’s jaw tensed, as she sensed every pair of eyes behind her homing in on her back. She concentrated on keeping her head held high, realising that no matter how hard she tried to pretend, how much she perfected her sweet laugh of indifference, this was how it would always be: she was the jilted girl of Port Charles, and no matter what her future held, she doubted she would ever be able to leave it behind her. In this church and this village, it seemed others were loath to forget or let her move forward. It was a bitter blow. She looked at the dark-tiled floor and wished she could drop right through it.
Darkness was falling as Merrin realised she had not managed to secure a minute alone with her sister during the whole exhausting day, although her parents had, throughout the celebrations, felt the need to check on her constantly.
‘If you are finding things tricky, my little love, no one would think any less of you for slipping away . . .’ her mum had whispered in her ear as they queued for the ladies.
‘I’m fine, Mum, really.’
And, ‘Merrin, don’t feel sad today, darling, you will have your day. I am sure of it . . .’ Her dad had squeezed her arm when she bumped into him at the buffet table.
‘I don’t need “my day”, Dad! God, I’m fine!’
‘’Course you are, my little one.’ Maddeningly, he had ruffled her hair.
Judging from the wide smiles on their faces at the end of the evening, Ruby and Jarvis had, thankfully, had the day they wanted. As Merrin and Bella prepared to leave, the newly-weds were falling against each other on the dance floor at the back of the pub and had barely noticed any of their guests exiting.
‘Look at her face.’ Bella leant on her as the two watched the slow dance. ‘Reckon she’s the happiest I’ve ever seen her.’
‘Me too.’
‘I’m glad she’s stopped punching things; reckon we’ve got Jarvis to thank for that.’
‘Good old Jarv.’ Merrin knew he was the kindest soul.
‘Yep, good old Jarv,’ Bella concurred. ‘Seeing as he’s now married your sister when he was once so sweet on you, is it weird at all?’
‘Is what weird?’ Miguel bounded over and overheard the tail end of the conversation.
‘Having a sister who is a married woman!’ Bella replied as quick as a flash and rubbed briskly under her nose with her finger.
Miguel grabbed Merrin’s hand and twirled her around, before pulling her in for a kiss.
‘Oh, get a room, you two!’ Bella mimed retching.
‘We have got a room, but it’s got two single beds in it and a selection of dolls staring at us, not to mention Ben within five feet with an axe close to hand . . .’ Miguel pulled a face.
‘Half your luck, I share a room with a fidgety baby who snores like a drunk and who wakes up demanding food every couple of hours!’
‘Sounds a lot like Miguel.’ Merrin laughed, her eyes fixed on the newly-weds, as Miguel went to grab his jacket so they could leave. ‘And no, Bells, don’t be so bloody stupid! Me and Jarv were just kids; I never had feelings for him and I don’t want it mentioned again. But then there’s lots I don’t want mentioning, which seems like too much to ask in Port bloody Charles!’
Bella stared at her, as if a little taken aback and a whole lot lost for words. This kind of outburst was rare for her and Merrin felt sapped by it, as if the emotionally tiring day was finally catching up with her.
Bella stepped forward and placed her hand on her arm. ‘Are you all right, my love?’
‘God! For the last time today! I’m fine! Absolutely fine!’
Bella leant in and kissed her cheek. ‘You’re not the only one who’s found today tough. I thought Luuk and I might get married, and look how that’s turned out. I miss him.’ She bit her bottom lip and swiped the tears that filled her eyes. ‘But life goes on, Merry, it has to.’
‘It does, my darlin’.’ She regretted snapping at her wonderful friend, who had her own shit to deal with. ‘And for what it’s worth, if the Flying Dutchman doesn’t know how fabulous you are, then he isn’t worth losing a moment’s sleep over. Love you.’
‘I know. Love you too.’ Bella wiped the remainder of her lipstick from her mouth on the back of her hand.
Merrin turned on her heel, keen to get some fresh air. It had been a pretty wedding, a fabulous day and Ruby was in her element, but in truth she couldn’t wait to get in the car and drive back to Thornbury, away from the Port Charles gossip, the sharp winds that blew inland, her family’s well-meaning, challenging stares and Miguel’s apparent inability to pace his booze intake. His overindulgence had, according to reports from her dad and Robin, led to him vomiting over the harbour wall on his way home from the Old Boat Shed the previous night. She cringed at this image of him. It was not the Miguel she knew and loved, preferring the sedate version of him who turned up to work every day looking sharp.
She thought about Bella’s words and considered the possibility that she might indeed be treading water. If there was the smallest chance it was true, it threw up two questions – first, what did that say about her? And second, what the hell was she going to do about it?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
MIGUEL
Vera Wilma Brown was loaded up and ready to head off. Miguel slammed the boot shut and watched Merrin hold her mum tight in a drawn-out goodbye that felt like an intrusion to watch, before kissing her sister briefly on the cheek. It warmed him to see the displays of love so freely offered and put a pang of regret in his stomach that his own family was not that close or that demonstrative. He would have liked it.
‘Goodbye from me, Mrs Cardy!’ Ruby shouted, giggling at the novelty, and Bella howled her laughter as she stood with baby Glynn in her arms. He watched as she and Merrin, who was, if anything, a little subdued, held each other tearfully – this despite the lingering party atmosphere from the previous day’s wedding.
Ben walked forward and reached for Miguel’s hand, shaking it vigorously. ‘What a weekend, eh? One we won’t forget in a hurry!’
‘My liver certainly won’t!’ He winced at the memory of the hangover, one of the worst he’d ever had. ‘Thank you for your hospitality, it’s been incredible.’
‘You take good care of her.’ Ben pointed at him, smiling, but his finger was ramrod straight and almost in his chest.
‘I will. Although she’s keen to remind me that she can look after herself.’
‘Don’t make me get that axe now!’
Miguel laughed, wondering who had let him in on the joke.
‘And don’t always believe her, Miguel. She thinks she can look after herself but she’s made of glass as well as steel.’ Ben held his eyeline.
With Merrin preoccupied in goodbyes, Miguel coughed to clear his throat and did his best to control the tremor in his voice. ‘I do . . . I . . .’
‘Spit it out, boy!’ Ben slapped his back.
‘I guess I just wanted to say, to reassure you . . .’ His gut flipped with nerves.
‘Sweet Lord.’ Ben patted his pockets, as if looking for his wallet. ‘It’s not money you’re after, is it? Because I’m a little short after this weekend’s knees-up!’