Suddenly, guilt tightened around my chest. I knew things about Zander I didn’t think he would want to share with me. We were supposed to be a one-night thing, and now our lives were entwined and I was more curious about him than ever.
I also wasn’t too happy about the fact that he didn’t seem to take very good care of himself. It must be a pattern if Ross mentioned it. I knew what it was like to not always have enough food in your belly. Was that a struggle for him? If so, then… “You offered Zander not to pay rent, right? Told him it was a rental of mine that I was letting you boys use until you get on your feet?” Ross had ridden with me back to his place. Zander had his car, so he was driving over himself, though I was beginning to wonder if he would be a no-show.
“Yeah, obviously. What, did you think I was going to pocket the money?”
“No, of course not, I just…”
“He’s like that. He doesn’t ever want to seem like he’s taking a handout. It’s important to him to do everything on his own. I’m honestly surprised he even agreed to room with me. He must be worried about making things work for that to be the case.”
Shit. I had a feeling about that. He reminded me of—
“He’s a lot like you that way,” Ross cut me off, verbalizing my thoughts.
“He sounds like a good kid.” Oh, fuck no. I couldn’t think of him that way. It was creepy and gross. “Man—a good man.”
“You’re being weird.” Ross eyed me.
“No, I’m not. I’m just interested in him, is all. You’ve been talking about him for over a year, and…” Christ on a cracker. What if Ross had feelings for him? What if they’d slept together? As far as I knew, Ross was straight, and he knew he could tell me if he wasn’t. I never made a secret about being bi, and his godfather—my best friend, Warren—was gay and married. But sometimes what you were told or what you saw didn’t matter. You could know everything would be okay, but that didn’t always make it easy to admit something so personal to someone you cared about. “The two of you are just friends, right? You know it would be okay if you’re more.”
Outside of the fact that I knew what Zander’s cum tasted like.
“I know.” He sounded leery, though I didn’t think it was because he didn’t feel like he could trust me, but more because he was surprised by the question. There was a knock at the door just as Ross continued, “We’ve been open about this kind of thing for as long as I can remember. I’d always feel comfortable sharing my sexuality with you. I’m curious enough that there might be a time I try it, but I haven’t yet, and it wouldn’t be with Zander. What would even make you think that?”
Ross opened the door, the person in question standing there. Sheepishly, he came inside, but kept his gaze off me. Ross looked at Zander, then back at me, and…I saw it then, the pieces beginning to form in his head. “You told me you went to a bar last night.” His statement was directed at me, and then he turned to his friend. “You said you met a guy at the bar who…who took you back to his hotel… Dad didn’t stay here. You said he was older, and it was the best sex of your life, and… Oh my God. Gross. Why did you tell me that!” Ross shook his head, tugged on his ears exaggeratedly as if it would make him forget what he’d heard. Not gonna lie, I was stuck on the best-sex-of-his-life thing, while trying to tell myself that wasn’t what was important. “Please tell me I’m wrong.” Ross dry-heaved, and I rolled my eyes. Ross had always been a bit dramatic.
“Okay, that’s uncalled for, Ross, don’t you think?”
Zander had yet to say a word. He was pacing, and by the looks of it, wanted to bolt.
“You’re not telling me I’m wrong.” Ross turned to Zander. “Tell me I’m wrong because…ew. I know details of things my dad did to you.”
Also, I was curious about those details Zander had shared.
“Why didn’t you tell me your dad is gay?” Zander threw his hands up.
“Bisexual,” I said. “There’s a B in LGBTQIA for a reason.”
“Now isn’t the time, Dad,” Ross replied. “Dude…my dad.”
“I didn’t know,” Zander replied.
“He’s still a dad!” Ross countered.
“Hey, I’m not that old,” I interjected, realizing that for most of this conversation, I sounded as if I were their age…which was a reminder that Zander and Ross were the same age, and they would be roommates… “Oh God.” I plopped down on the couch.
“See what I mean?” Ross said. “It’s…weird.”
Those words snapped me out of it because what was important right then was Ross and Zander. “I’m sorry, son. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known.”
“I’m sorry too,” Zander said. “I wouldn’t have done it either. You never said, My dad is a bisexual hottie, so be careful meeting guys at the bar when he’s in town.”
My gaze snapped to Zander, and I couldn’t help but grin. He was looking at me, his pupils wide as if he hadn’t realized what he’d said until now.
“You want to do it again!” Ross exclaimed. “You both do! I can tell by how you’re looking at each other.”
“What? No!” Zander rushed out, but his ears were pink. “Fuck, man. I really do apologize. I didn’t know.”
Ross sighed. I could see by the way his shoulders loosened that he was settling down. He sat on one of the armchairs, his leg bouncing up and down. “I’m not mad. I’m freaked out. I can’t really look at you without picturing things I don’t want to picture, but I’m not mad,” Ross said, and I couldn’t help the pride I felt. Ross might be a little spoiled and used to getting his way, but he was a good man who cared about people. He wouldn’t blame Zander for this. “Anyone have any brain bleach?” he asked. The room was silent for a moment before all three of us let loose a loud round of laughter. It started deep in my belly, filling my chest and making my cheeks hurt.
When we settled down, the discomfort was back in the room like none of us knew what to do or say.
“I mean…I haven’t seen Zander smile that big in a long-ass time, maybe ever.”
“Gee, thanks.” Zander still wouldn’t look at me when he spoke.
“Let’s just pretend this didn’t happen, or that I don’t know it happened. I don’t want details. From this point on, I’m on a need-to-know basis, and sex with my dad is something I’m aware happens, but I don’t need to know.”
“We’re not hooking up again!” Zander turned his gaze on me. “Tell him we’re not going to fuck.”
“Nope,” Ross said. “Not even that. Too much. I don’t want to hear you and fucking and my dad together in a sentence.” He put his fingers in his ears. “Lalalalalala. I can’t hear you. Please don’t ever tell me if it happens again. I’m gonna play dumb. If I see you two together? Dumb. I know nothing. Now can we eat before Zander dies and so I can forget this conversation ever happened?” He turned to his friend. “Zander, this is my dad, Harrison. Dad, this is Zander. I’m so glad you’re finally meeting!” Ross looked at me expectantly.