“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You forget I know you? Lie to yourself all you want but save it because I won’t believe you.”
“You’re wrong!” I felt as though I’d choke on the words.
“Gabriel!”
“Leave it.”
“I won’t leave it. If you’re not in love with her, why are you going to all this trouble?”
“I’m trying to give her wings, no scratch that. I’m trying to help her find her wings so she can fly on her own so that I don’t have to worry so that when I’m not there, she’ll still be safe.”
“When you’re not there? Where are you going?”
Don’t start that again.”
“Bullshit, Gabriel, tell me what’s going on with you.” I refused to look at him, and he moved around to stand in front of me. “Even after all this time, you still won’t tell me? I don’t hide shit from you; you won’t even allow me to, so how is it that you get to keep whatever this is bottled up inside, and I can’t do anything about it.”
“Lancelot!” He sounded genuinely hurt, which, no, not him and not her. I’ll protect those two with my dying breath. But I can’t involve him in this. Bad enough, I plan to leave him soon; I won’t jack up his life before I go. I flung my arm around his neck and pulled him in close to kiss his temple.
“You’re not to worry about me, understood? I do the worrying for all of you; you just…live the best life you can always.” He was staring at me as if trying to read my mind, then he just shook his head and leaned it on my shoulder.
“You do know that works both ways, right?” Maybe, but I don’t deserve it.
There were lots of eyes on us, but no one dared mention our open show of affection. They hadn’t since about the seventh grade when I had to check a few of them. My eyes went to Gianna, whose smile was getting brighter by the day. Now they know that I have two under my wing that they dare not mess with.
“Are you nervous?” The plane had just landed not too long ago, and we were on our way to her grandma’s house down a very long and winding driveway. The place was amazing, and we hadn’t even seen the house yet. The grass was still relatively green for this time of year, and the ranch-style fencing that went on for miles looked pristine white against the hilly green backdrop.
There were horses everywhere, mostly off in the distance, with a few closer to the driveway. She’d been staring out the window on mute ever since we left New Hampshire, all but sitting in my lap on the plane. Even our song wasn’t enough to get her to loosen up, so in the end, I’d resorted to kissing her to distract her.
It started out as a distraction tactic alright but became so much more by the time I let her up for air. Lancelot is right; she looks at me like I’d hung the moon. That look, that hopeful innocence, was like a tear in my gut. I wanted so much to answer the questions in her eyes, to give in just a little bit more to the need that has been keeping me awake each night when she climbs into my bed.
I’m not sure how much more strength I have left in me to resist her. How much longer I can fight my own needs, but I know I won’t take advantage of her in this vulnerable state. Last night she’d been extremely restless in bed, tossing and turning, until I had to throw my leg over both of hers and hold her just a little bit closer before she’d settle down. Now her hand was tense in mine, and she seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.
“I don’t know what I am. I’ve spoken to grandma and the aunts more this week than I have in the past ten years or so combined, but somehow coming here feels so much different to that.”
“I’m right here; no need to worry.” Her hand squeezed mine that was wrapped around it, and she went back to looking out the window.
I, too, was doing my best not to show my own angst. I’ve regretted the decision to bring her here this soon, plenty in the last week. What secrets is she going to discover? And how broken is she going to be behind them? As much as I want her to have this, I dread what coming here, hearing her mother’s side of the story, will do to her soft heart.
GIANNA
I’m more nervous about this visit than I expected to be. I keep getting the feeling that my world is about to change, my life turned upside down. I’m still dealing with the visit home and the weirdness in the air. How odd Becky was acting and why she and Victoria seemed so afraid the whole time we were there.
I wish I’d been paying more attention while Gabriel was talking to them, but dad had been so involved for the first time since forever that I was enjoying his attention too much to care. As long as Gabriel stayed next to me, I was fine.
I knew the second we walked in after dad fainted, that is, that Victoria had gone all out to get Gabriel’s attention. Whenever she’s interested in someone of the opposite sex, she always goes overboard with the makeup, and her skirt gets shorter. It must burn her to no end that Gabriel hadn’t seemed to notice.
The other thing that had stayed with me was dad’s little bombshell about keeping mom's things in storage. All this time, I was afraid there was nothing left of her, that Becky had succeeded in erasing her completely. “You’re shivering. Do you want me to tell the driver to turn around?”
“No-no, it’s okay, I’m okay.” The house came into view just then, and lots of fond memories came flooding back.
“Don’t… you know what? Cry all you want; I’m right here.” He pulled my head into his chest and held me while I released all the pent-up tension, I didn’t know I had while my family stood on the top step of the massive front porch waiting. The chauffeur came to open the door but Gabriel’s gruff, ‘close it’ had him retracting.
“We can leave and come back later if you need more time.” Somehow his matter-of-fact attitude lightened my mood, and I eased away from his chest with a grin. “No, they’ve waited very long for this. Let’s not make them wait any longer.” When he lifted my hand to his lips and looked at me in that way that only he does, I was no longer afraid of what the weekend might hold.
GABRIEL
The tears started before we made it to the door. In fact, as soon as I helped her out of the car, four women, with the grandmother leading the pack, came rushing down the steps, well, as much as society mavens rush. To be frank, the Russo billions are about a hundred, a hundred- and fifty-years tops. Her maiden family looks like the type who brought theirs over before the state was even named.
I could smell something in their blood that surpassed blue; these people are the real deal. “Oh, Gianna, my beautiful Gianna.” I had to bite my tongue not to tell grandma that I was the only one allowed to call her that. I didn’t hold back to make a good impression or anything like that; I just didn’t want to put a damper on her first visit.
So, imagine my surprise when she did it for me. “I go by Gia.” She still had a death grip on my hand, so maybe she’d felt me tense up when the old lady used her name. Don’t ask me why I won’t let anyone else use her name. Maybe it’s because no one stepped in when she was robbed of it; now they can keep calling her what they allowed someone else to dictate; they don’t deserve the privilege.