No, I couldn’t completely lie to myself. I’d been intrigued by the things happening at the clubhouse from the moment I’d stepped through the door. The way I was feeling, the urgent need to reach out and touch him, to beg him to touch me, none of that could be blamed on the drinks I’d had. It was all me. And now I was going to stay here, with temptation within reach. If he asked me to share a bed with him, I didn’t think I’d have the strength to say no. I was far too curious about how it would feel to experience the things I’d seen earlier tonight, or the scenes I’d read in books.
There was only one motel in town, so Outlaw hadn’t needed the name, but I’d given him my key so he could have someone get my things. I still hadn’t answered his question about where I wanted to sleep. It hadn’t escaped my notice that this would be the perfect opportunity. I’d always been interested in learning about sex -- in a more personal way than reading -- but I’d never dared sleep with anyone. Even if I’d gone to another town, somehow my foster parents would have found out, and then I had no doubt there would have been hell to pay. Or they might have just kicked me out. I’d wondered more than once if they’d have pushed so hard for me to marry Garrison West if I hadn’t been a virgin anymore. I didn’t know if he’d have cared either way. All he wanted was a broodmare.
Being here with Outlaw, a man who definitely made my body come alive, was the perfect chance to lose my virginity. Guys like him had probably slept with hundreds of women, if not thousands. He looked like the type who would take what he wanted, and his name alone gave off that vibe. Not that I thought that was his real name. I’d read a book last year about a woman who fell for a guy in club like this one. Well, maybe not quite like this one. These guys made me think they didn’t care about the law much, but the ones in my book had kept everything legal. Still, they’d all had… what were they called? Road names. Yes, they’d had road names. I figured Outlaw was the sexy guy’s road name.
He was making dinner at the stove while I sat at the kitchen table, trying not to stare too long, or drool for that matter. He hadn’t put on a shirt and was only in a pair of well-worn jeans. The women I’d known most of my life all sighed and got giddy over a man in a suit. I’d thought men were handsome before, but Outlaw… Yeah, it seemed I had a type, and it definitely wasn’t a straitlaced businessman.
“Where were you going?” Outlaw asked without turning around.
I couldn’t help but admire his ink. His back was covered in tattoos, but I’d noticed none of them would show if he had on a shirt. His arms were bare of any designs, and while his chest didn’t have any either, I had seen something in script across his ribs. I wondered if the lack of ink in other spots was on purpose. Did he not like just anyone being able to see them? I’d also seen a lot of scars, some red and angry-looking, and I wondered where they came from. It looked like he’d been through hell.
“I didn’t have a particular spot in mind. I just needed to get away.” I still wasn’t sure I’d run quite far enough.
He hmm’d but didn’t remark other than that. I felt like I needed to explain myself to him, but I didn’t know why. What did it matter why I was leaving or where I was going? I’d told him about Garrison before I’d even really thought about it. Maybe it seemed like a ridiculous thing to him. Running off to avoid a man. It wasn’t like I’d been beaten or worse. I’d just felt stifled.
“Guess I seem kinda silly to you.” I twisted my fingers together in my lap. “The type of women who come here probably don’t run away just because their family wants them to marry someone they don’t like.”
“Wouldn’t know,” he said. “I don’t really have conversations with them.”
Oh. Well, that said plenty. I guess you didn’t really need to talk to someone to have sex with them, but it seemed a bit cold to me. It was another reason why I was still a virgin. Even if I’d been tempted to just get rid of my V-card, I’d wanted the moment to be special. While I didn’t think Outlaw thought I was the least bit unique, I did think he seemed like the type of man who knew what he was doing in the bedroom. Even if we didn’t have a lasting relationship, or any type of relationship, I’d be willing to bet I’d enjoy sex with him. A one-night stand with some random stranger wouldn’t ensure that I’d like the experience. But this particular man seemed sure of himself, like he knew exactly what he was doing.
“I haven’t been with a woman in a long time,” he said. “Not much use talking to one if I didn’t plan to sleep with her. I’m not exactly the type to give a shit about things like hair products, the best nail salon, or whatever the fuck else y’all talk about.”
I chewed on my lip, certain I should be offended, but I found him rather funny. It would be like a woman assuming all men thought about were car engines, sports, and beer -- and while all that could very well be true for this man, I couldn’t see Garrison West knowing the first thing about cars or drinking beer.
“Not all of us care about that stuff,” I said.
“No? Then what do you like to talk about?” he asked, finally turning to face me. He folded his arms over his chest, and my cheeks warmed as I felt my panties grow damp.
“Books. I love to read.”
He smirked. “I noticed. Don’t believe I’ve ever seen a woman come to the clubhouse and pull out a book. You seemed completely out of place.”
He wasn’t wrong. I wasn’t anything like those women. Or rather, I’d never been permitted to be like them. I couldn’t deny that I’d wanted to join their ranks tonight. Maybe not as a free for all with any and all of the men there, but if Outlaw was the one claiming my virginity? I’d be completely on board with that.
“Yeah. The lady at the motel suggested I stop by. Guess she thought that was why I’d come to town or something. You get a lot of women who drive here just to come to your clubhouse?” I asked.
He shrugged a shoulder. “Guess so. Plenty of local girls stop by too.”
It felt like my heart was racing, and I could barely breathe. There was so much I wanted to know, but wasn’t sure if I should ask. It would be rude to ask why he hadn’t been with anyone, wouldn’t it? If I made him mad, would he make me go stay with someone else? I didn’t know if they were as nice as he was. Of course, I could only go off the little interaction I’d had with Outlaw so far, but he hadn’t tried to take advantage of me when I’d been watching him shower. I’d never been so brazen in my life! I didn’t know what had gotten into me.
I squeezed my thighs together. Didn’t help. An ache was building again and I didn’t know what to do about it. Outlaw seemed to watch my every move. His gaze darkened and he couldn’t hide the fact his cock had gotten hard again, assuming it had ever gone down. The girls at church sometimes had whispered about the guys they’d been with and how it took them some time to recover after having sex. Even though Outlaw had only gotten himself off, he didn’t seem to have an issue getting hard again. As I thought about how sexy he’d looked stroking himself, I felt my nipples get hard and I got even wetter between my legs.
“Poor angel,” he murmured. “All worked up and you don’t know what to do about it, do you?”