She drops down on the unmade bed, making herself comfortable. “Oh yeah? Where are you going this time? You can’t get much farther away unless you leave the country.”
I continue stuffing clothes into my bag. Didn't even fold them. Just took them straight from the hotel dryer to the bag. “Don’t tempt me.”
Rina grabs one of my shirts and begins folding it. “Kentucky wasn’t far enough, so you went to Texas. Texas didn’t work, so you came to California. When will you ever stop running, Sawyer?”
I glare at the nagging intruder on my bed. “I’m not running.” I stuff some more shirts in, but Rina pulls them all back out. “What are you doing?”
“Folding your shirts. They’ll be covered in wrinkles.”
I toss the one in my hand down and turn away, running my fingers through my hair. I’m not running.
“You can’t hide from memories, Sawyer.”
“I’m not hiding.”
“It’s been over two years now. Don’t you think—”
“Stop!” I raise my voice, holding my hand up. “I don’t need this right now. My leaving this state has nothing to do with Taylor. Things just didn’t work out here.”
“You got a job. You seemed happy when we talked a couple days ago. You actually laughed, which surprised the hell out of me.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, “surprised the hell out of me, too.” It’s been awhile since I’ve actually felt happy. I’m not a complete downer, but I felt like my life was in shambles and I had no idea what was coming next. Five days ago, I had the best day I’ve had since Taylor died. I was excited for wherever this thing with Mira was going. I had a really good job prospect. I was on top of the world. Four days ago, it was all taken away. It was taken just as fast as Taylor’s life was.
One minute you’re feeling like all the pieces of the puzzle fit, and the next, you realize one is missing. Then you know it will never be complete. So, it’s time to start over.
“Who was she?”
I walk over to the mini bar and pour myself a drink. “Who?”
“The woman who made you happy for that short amount of time.”
I lift the glass to my mouth and take a sip of my scotch then clutch it in my hand. “What makes you think there was a woman?”
I can feel Rina coming closer. She stands beside me, wanting to read my face. It’s what she always does. I wear my emotions and she knows it. “I’ve known you your entire life. I know these things.”
“Doesn’t matter. She’s not who I thought she was.”
“My guess is, you’re not who she thought you were either.”
I set my glass down or slam it rather. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I’m just saying that you’ve changed, Sawyer. I miss my brother. The one who had a contagious smile. Told really crappy dad jokes, and snorted while he was telling them. The guy who wore ugly Christmas sweaters with blinking lights on them.”
“I’m still that guy. I’m just...I’m on a journey of self-discovery.”
“Well, you about done yet? Because we’re all ready for you to come home.”
“We’re? As in you and someone else?” I lift my glass and tip it back, taking every last drop before placing it in the sink. It hits the other glasses with a clank, but I’m pretty sure they're all still intact.
“Mom and Dad miss you, too.”
I go back over to my bag. All the shirts are now folded inside of it so I zip it up. “Doubtful. I’m sure they’re pleased that they don’t have to deal with my moping anymore.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re stubborn?”
“Yeah,” I chuckle, “you.”
“When they told you that it was time to move on, you lost it, Sawyer. You took it out of context and blew the entire thing up. You know they love you. We all do.”
Staring at my bag, I grip the sides of it so hard that my knuckles turn white. I hate talking about this shit. I know Rina, though, and she won’t stop until I tell her how I feel. “It was only six months after Taylor died that they told me I needed to pull myself together and start living my life again. That I needed to move past what happened. Do you know how that felt? It felt like they were telling me to get over it and forget about her.” My voice rises with each word. “How was I supposed to move on after only six months? Knowing that my wife was dead because of me. If I wouldn’t have rushed her out the door so we weren’t late for dinner, she would still be alive. If I’d just slowed down and stopped at that stop sign, Taylor would still be here.”
Rina doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. The thing is, I’ve accepted that Taylor is gone. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she is never coming back. I also know that she’d want me to be happy. I’ve always known it, but it wasn’t until recently that I believed I was worthy of that happiness. None of this is about Taylor. I’ll always love her, but the betrayal I feel is because of Mira.
I loosen my grip on the bag and straighten my back before turning to face Rina. “Look. None of that matters. I’ll still go home for the holidays. Eventually, I’ll talk to Mom and Dad and we’ll move past this. Right now, though, I’m just searching for peace.”
“Ok.” Rina nods. “I get it. I’m glad your anger with them is easing up. I still don’t get why you’re leaving here, though.”
There’s a knock that has Rina and I both eyeing the door. “Just ignore it,” I tell her.
“That’s so rude!” She walks toward the door, but I jump in front of her. With her behind me, I look out the peephole. It’s Mira.
I turn around and whisper, “Listen. I really don’t want to talk to the person who is out there. So just let it go and don’t answer the door.”
Rina is a royal pain in my ass and she’s hellbent on sticking her nose in my business. Always has been, ever since we were kids. “Fine. Go in the bathroom and I’ll tell her you’re not here.”
Do I dare trust her? I probably shouldn’t, but I do. With a heavy sigh, I walk quickly to the bathroom. I push the door closed, but leave it open a crack so I can listen.
I can hear the sound of the door sliding open against the carpet. My stomach twists in knots because this can go one of many ways. Rina is the queen of interfering.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know...I’ll just go.”
The sound of her voice sends a ripple of emotion through me. Part of me wants to run out there and demand answers. The other part—the rational part—is keeping me right where I’m at.
“Wait,” I hear Rina say.
There’s silence. Too much silence. When I hear the door close softly, I look out the crack in the door. Sure enough, they’ve stepped out in the hall.
Damnit, Rina.
I slam the bathroom door shut and figure I can use this time to shower because Rina also has the ability to turn a one-minute conversation into an hour-long story.
I crank the lever to hot and let the water run for a minute before dropping my gym shorts and taking my shirt off. The mirror is completely steamed over so I dial down the heat a bit before stepping inside.