The wedding with Brian. Ugh. Her stomach turned at the memory. And thinking of him only reminded her of a lie she’d told her best friends.
“You going to be okay? Like okay-okay, I mean?” Savanna tipped her head, her gaze switching from Ella to the window, Jesse and Griffin no longer in sight. “Physically, I know the guys won’t let anything happen to you. But emotionally, Jesse has already put you through the wringer.”
Now it’ll be a wedding wringer.
Ella stared at the fireplace in the living room, her eyes clinging to the flames as she considered Savanna’s words. “I’m tough. You know that.”
Savanna rose and stood beside Rory, both watching her with worried expressions.
“I have to tell you . . . something,” Ella blurted out as her face grew hot. “I haven’t had sex since Jesse,” she revealed the only other secret she’d kept hidden from her best friends and stood. “Not even with Brian.”
“Wait, what? You’re telling us you never did the hanky panky,” Rory began, talking with her hands, “with the man you were engaged to? I mean, y’all went to a tropical island together. I—I don’t understand.”
Ella covered her face with her palm and released an uneasy breath. “He wanted to. Trust me, he did. And no matter how much I tried to get over Jesse by dating Brian and even accepting his proposal, I—I just couldn’t give myself to Brian like that. Not after Jesse. I had hoped, after the wedding, I’d finally accept it was truly over with Jesse.” Tears welled in her eyes at the admission. It sounded absolutely insane when she said it out loud. And it’d been a major problem between them. “Probably why Brian pressed for a quick engagement. And when I still wouldn’t sleep with him even after I’d said yes to his proposal, he lost his mind.”
“Wow,” Savanna said, her mouth hanging open. “Why’d you tell us you two did sleep together?”
“So you wouldn’t think I was crazy, which clearly, I am.” Ella let her hand fall away from her face, which had to be beet red. “Brian was a dick, so I don’t feel all that bad, even if maybe I should. Because I knew in my heart, I was using him to try and move on from Jesse, and my plan failed.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have said yes to Brian, you’re right. But he was a jerk, so I just can’t feel sorry for him.” Rory circled the coffee table and reached for Ella’s hand. “But it’s also kind of a big deal that you couldn’t bring yourself to be with another man after Jesse,” she added in a soft tone as if worried someone would come inside the house and overhear them.
“Maybe you should tell Jesse? I know we’re not supposed to feel sorry for him because, well, hitman. But think about it . . . if Jesse wasn’t in love with you, there wouldn’t be a crazy criminal possibly coming after you.” Savanna grimaced when Rory looked back at her, and although Ella couldn’t see, she had a good idea what kind of look was on Rory’s face. “That didn’t come out the way I meant.”
“That doesn’t mean Jesse loves me,” Ella quickly said. “He just knows what the town thinks about us and what they’d say if someone came digging around for information. They’ve been rooting for us forever.” My dad cried. Oh, God.
“Well, I’m just saying, Jesse must assume you and Brian slept together, and that can’t be easy on him,” Savanna said.
Ella’s romance-book-loving friend was most likely trying to unpack this situation and find meaning in it. She thought about Jesse’s kissing remark, still unsure when the man planned to follow through on that. Kiss Jesse? There went her stomach again. Butterflies this time, and he didn’t deserve that from her.
Savanna was right though. Jesse did hate the fact Brian had kissed her, but maybe it was some weird alpha thing. Brian had something he didn’t, and it was less the fact that he—
“Why should we make anything easy on my brother?” Rory remarked, cutting off Ella’s thoughts. “He told Ella to move on. In fact, he insisted on it. She tried so desperately that she almost married a man she didn’t love just to stop the hurt of being in love with a man who refused her.” Now Rory was analyzing the situation, but she nailed it on the head. “Brian’s Jesse’s fault.” She tsked. “Fuck my brother. He deserves to assume Brian . . .” She let go of her words at the sound of the door from the kitchen opening.
Ella cleared her throat and backed up at the sight of Jesse and Griffin entering the room, Bear trotting between them. She nearly fell onto the couch when her thighs butted against it, forgetting it was behind her.
“Speak of the devil.” Rory shifted her focus to her brother and whipped her arms across her chest. She’d gone head-to-head with pirates and smugglers in the past, so why not a hitman?
Hitman. Ella’s gaze quickly cruised over the length of said “hitman,” taking in the sight of him in his black military boots, jeans, plaid shirt, and black ball cap on his head. He certainly looked like a badass operator instead of a cowboy, not that Jesse had ever looked or acted like the cowboys on her family’s ranch. But right now, he looked lethal, and it wasn’t his clothes. It was the look in his eyes. That hard, bladed jawline covered in a few weeks’ worth of growth.
But how was her Jesse an assassin?
When he was a Ranger, she never considered him a killer. When he took down that man inside Savanna’s home in October, it was in self-defense and to protect Savanna. The word “killer” never entered her mind then, much less “assassin.” But she googled the definition last night—a person who commits a targeted murder.
Murderer. Damn it. That word stung.
“You three okay?” Griffin interrupted her chaotic thoughts as well as the awkward staredown Ella had barely been aware was going on between her and Jesse.
Griffin strode across the room and pulled Savanna against his side. Whenever they were in a room together, it was rare for them not to be touching. They were magnetic. And Ella was so happy for her best friend.
Murderer, she thought again. Terrorists murdered Savanna’s husband in 2015. Those men were real murderers. Jesse’s not a murderer. She tried to convince herself she wasn’t about to marry a killer in that sense of the word. Fake marry, Ella. It’s fake.
“We’re as good as can be expected,” Savanna answered when no one else piped up.
Ella turned to focus on the happy couple and away from the man she wanted to punch for a number of reasons. If she looked at him any longer, she’d stare at his mouth and wonder when he planned to follow through with that promise he made last night and kiss her before their fake wedding.
“Carter, Jack, and Oliver are en route to D.C. They’re stopping there to pick up Sydney and Gray,” Griffin announced. “They should all be here by seventeen hundred hours.”
“I hate that Gray and Sydney have to leave on my account. Gray has a newborn niece, and Sydney has a son. That’s gotta be hard, especially since tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.” And wait, what? This isn’t my fault. Ella’s shoulders dropped. That didn’t make her not feel bad though.
“They understand it’s part of the job, always being on call,” Griffin said when Jesse remained silent.