“Nope. So apparently I went on the crying jag for no reason.”
“Have you considered that maybe…”
“What?”
“Maybe…you’re just not ready.”
“I’ve considered that from the moment this started. Believe me, it’s in the forefront of my mind at all times. But I fell fast, and I fell hard. And you know what? It’s pretty amazing. It’s pretty amazing that I can feel anything, Aspen.”
She nods, but in her eyes I see the truth. She’s not buying it.
“You may be surprised,” I tell her. “You may be able to feel something after all.”
“Not going to happen. If the thought of Hugh Jackman can’t get me moving, nothing can.”
“I can’t get Hugh Jackman for you,” I say. “He’s been married for like forever, but don’t sell yourself short. I believe in you. I believe in all of us.”
“You sound like Macy.”
“You weren’t at group the other day,” I say. “But Macy said something that really stuck with me.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. She said you don’t have to wait until life is no longer difficult to be happy.”
Aspen doesn’t reply. She stares at her coffee cup, which is now empty.
“You want another?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
I still have a little bit of my latte left, so I finish quickly. “You’ve had enough social hour, haven’t you?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Is it that obvious?”
“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I just wanted to… Hell, I don’t know what I wanted to do. I guess I just wanted a friend.”
She smiles then. “Okay, you’ve got one, then. But is it okay if we have different feelings about different things?”
“Of course it is. What would life be without different opinions? Pretty boring.”
She nods. “Maybe I’ll have another coffee after all.”
11
LUKE
What do I do with this degenerate now?
As much as I want to make him pay with my bare hands—or with my knife or my gun—I can’t go back to that place.
Damn… I want a drink.
Pollack has alcohol here.
He admitted it. I could easily go into his kitchen and find the booze. Just a sip. A sip would take the edge off.
One sip wouldn’t send me back down the hole.
Except one sip is all it would take. Fuck, alcoholism is hard.
My muscles tense, and my thighs are ready to take me into a stand, walk me to the kitchen.
It’s body versus brain.
Which will win out?
My body is craving alcohol right now, craving it as if I’m starving on a desert island.
Man… Almost craving it the way I crave Katelyn.
“You look like you could use a drink, man,” Pollack says.
Fuck it all. Does he read minds now?
My fingers tighten around the gun. “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”
“Easy… You just look a little tense.”
Tense? I wish for tense. This is so beyond tense that I may shatter into pieces if I so much as move.
“So what do I do with you now?”
“Let me go?” He lets out a nervous chuckle.
“Yeah, that’s going to happen.”
Seriously, though, what do I do with him now? If I let him go, the first thing he’ll do is call the cops on me. I can’t have that because I need to get to LA and take care of things. I have a lot of red on my ledger, and I can’t be worthy of Katelyn until I erase it.
Which will probably also mean erasing my life.
What I need is insurance. Insurance that this derelict won’t go running to the cops. Insurance that he will continue to help me.
“You and I are going to make a deal,” I say.
“Best news I’ve heard all day,” he replies.
“I’m going to tell you who I truly am,” I say, “because when you find out, I’ll know for sure that you won’t cross me.”
“I already know who you are. You’re Lucifer Raven, a drug lord from California.”
“Right. You know that. But what you don’t know is the extent of my power.”
“Who says I don’t?”
“Because if you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here now.”
His mouth drops open.
“Watch out for mosquitoes,” I say.
He presses his lips together, his jaw rigid.
“You know my street name is Lucifer Raven, and you know I used to be involved in the drug business.”
“Isn’t that enough?”
“No, it’s not, because if you truly knew who I was, you could’ve destroyed me.”
“Oh?” His eyes widen.
“But you won’t. Because now I know who you are, and I have connections that you can’t even imagine.”
He visibly shudders once more.
“I sit here, and I hold a gun on you. I could easily shoot you right now. I’ve done it before, you know. Just the fact that you ever harmed Katelyn is enough to make me want to blow your head off. I’m not going to. I’m not going to for one simple reason. I need you alive, for reasons I’m going to keep to myself for now. You need me alive, because without me, your protection goes out the window.”
“You’re offering me protection?”
“No, I’m offering you a deal, and here are the terms. I will protect you, see that no harm comes to you, and you’ll do the same for me.”
“Why would I want to do that?”
“Because if you don’t, I’ll have you sliced open.”
He opens his mouth but then shuts it, clearly thinking better of arguing with me.
“You’re right. My street name is Lucifer Raven. But my real name is…Lucifer Charles Ashton the third.”
His eyebrows nearly fly off his forehead. “You’re related to that producer?”
“Do you think a lot of people are named Lucifer?”
“I just assumed it was part of your street name. Your real name is Luke something.”
“We’re not all that different, Pollack. Except that I never visited that island with my old man. I never did those horrible things that you did to women.”
“Exactly how are we similar?” he says.
“Not in any way that I’m proud of. That’s all I’ll say. But here’s what I will tell you. My connections go much farther than some simple drug lords. I know the people with the real power, both in the underground and in real life. My old man could have you offed in a second. So could the drug kingpins in LA. All it would take is a simple phone call from me. And…if anything happens to me? They have their orders.”
His lips tremble. “What orders?”
“Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.”
He inhales. Exhales. A shudder racks through his body. “Fine. You have a deal.”
“Good enough. Since you won’t tell me what you did to Katelyn, I won’t push it. You’re going to give me something in return for not pushing it.”
What I don’t tell him is that I’m almost glad he won’t tell me. If I truly knew? I’m not sure my newfound mental health would keep me from gutting him right here and now.