In the afternoon, I get a message from Yujun.
YUJUN: I feel like I’m always saying I’m sorry these days and I am sorry but I’ve said it so many times the word has no meaning. I miss you. This will all work out. Once these projects are finished and the contracts are signed we will have more time. The holidays are coming. We’ll do something special, just the two of us.
The holidays, meaning Chuseok, are over a month away. I guess it’s not that long, in the grand scheme of things.
ME: I will block the long weekend off for you. I miss you too. Love you.
I add the Hangul version for extra sincerity. I let Wansu know that I won’t be home until late. Spitefully, I don’t tell her what I’m doing. I hope she thinks I’m having mad sex with Yujun at his apartment, but she probably knows he’s working. Hell, she could be sitting next to him in some conference room right now.
Am I jealous of my birth mother? Is that what I’ve been reduced to?
The thing is, before the encounter in the park, I sort of thought Wansu was overreacting. She’s protective of IF Group, in part, I think, because she married into the company. From what little I know, there was conflict between the way that Wansu thought the company should be run and the way Choi Yusuk believed it should be run. Yujun backed Wansu over his father. Yujun doesn’t regret this but he feels burdened by guilt. He said once that the argument they had put Choi Yusuk in the condition he is in now.
Objectively, I don’t think Yujun believes he caused his father’s stroke and slide into a comatose state, but one’s head isn’t always in control. In his heart, Yujun carries grief over this mess, which is why he works himself to the bone. If the company is successful, then he can justify his behavior. If the company fails, then his bold stance, his non-“Sim Cheong” behavior, would have been for nothing.
“Turn the music off,” Jules orders.
I look up from the binder of karaoke songs in my lap to see Jules, Anna, and Mel staring at me—or in the case of Jules, glaring. “Are you waiting for me to pick a song?” I blindly point at one of the selections. “Here. I’ll sing this one.”
“ ‘Ohmona’? That’s a trot song from”—she lifts the sheet closer to her face because the room is dark and it’s hard to read with only strobe lights spinning around—“2007. Do you even know it?”
I barely know what trot is other than it’s hugely popular now. Every station has at least one trot musical show on every night. “There’ll be lyrics on the screen.”
Jules snatches the binder from my hands and tosses it aside. “You haven’t been with us the whole night.” She knocks a fist lightly against the side of my head. “What’s going on in there?”
“Did you have a bad day at work?” Anna asks.
“Right. Very busy. Work is piling up.” I nod repeatedly.
Jules snorts, as she knows this is a big lie. “It’s about Yujun.”
She sits back with her arms folded across her chest like she knew I was going to be in this position at some point.
“It’s not about him. Not exactly.”
None of them look like they believe me.
“Do you guys think I’m closed off?”
All three nod simultaneously.
“How can you say that?”
“You didn’t tell us why you came to Korea. When you left for your father’s funeral, you kept that to yourself, too,” Anna reminds me.
“I asked for you all to help me find my birth mother! How is that closed off?”
“Only because you suck at Korean,” Jules retorts.
“Fine. I’m closed off.” I fold my arms across my chest.
“See?” Jules points at my posture.
I throw my hands to my sides. “Whatever. Let me ask this. If you had a chance with Yujun, would you take it?”
“Yes.”
“No question.”
“Jules?” I prompt, since she hasn’t answered.
She makes a face. “If I didn’t like someone else, then yes.”
Anna and Mel show no signs of surprise at Jules’s admission. She must’ve told them she was seeing Bomi.
“Speaking of Bomi,” I begin.
“No, we were speaking of you and Yujun and your emotional constipation. Let some of it out before you explode,” Jules says in exasperation.
“That’s a stunningly bad visual.” I shudder.
“You know what? I’m not pushing anymore. If you don’t want to talk about it—”
“I was shunned last weekend,” I burst out.
Jules puts down the remote. “What do you mean?”
I tell them about the park. “This is a place where manners are important. I have to turn to the side to drink my soju when I’m sitting next to Sangki because he’s older. This girl would not bow or shake my hand but actually backed up like I had a communicable disease. She was disgusted.” I drag the last word out as if it’s ten syllables. “Yujun wants it all. He wants his friends, his family, his successful company. He wants us. I want that, too, but there seem to be a lot of people who think we’re foul. What if that kind of distaste is transferable and eventually Yujun thinks I’m icky?”
“There are bitches and assholes everywhere,” Jules said. “If Yujun wants to make it work and you want to make it work, then it will happen.”
“Do you really believe that?” Because she had stormed out of the bar when Bomi talked about the obstacles to the two of them dating.
“If you’re referring to me and Bomi, the situation is entirely different. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“That’s not true. She wants to be with you but she can’t be open about it, not with her family.”
“Would you be willing to live like that with Yujun? You’d never be able to marry him or have kids. You’d always be known as his sister, and someday he’d get tired of that and find a woman he could have a normal, ordinary life with.”
“I thought you said that if Yujun and I want to make it work then it will.”
“But Bomi doesn’t want to make it work,” Jules nearly shouts. “That’s why it’s not happening for me, but if you give up, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough. If you want to be with Yujun, then fuck everyone else. He doesn’t have younger siblings like Bomi.” Jules reaches over and grabs the songbook. “Yujun’s friend must be one of those strict traditionalists who is offended her rich friend isn’t hooking up with one of her rich friends. Anyone would be offensive to her.”