Sobs poured out from deep inside of her as she buried her face in my chest. I held her up when I felt her knees give out. All those years, she’d carried such a burden on her shoulders. I hated myself for not knowing. How in the hell could I not have known? Or had I known deep down and just never wanted to admit it?
“What’s his name?” I asked.
Bishop and Kyle both stood and walked over to Aiden. Bella drew back from me. Her eyes immediately went to my three best friends, all standing to the side.
They’d clearly told her not to tell me his name.
“Arabella—what’s his name?” I asked again.
She swallowed hard. “Why does it matter, Hunter?”
I let out a laugh that sounded void of any and all humor. “Because I’m going to track him down and kill him.”
Bella’s eyes went wide as saucers. “What?”
Jack clearly felt the tension in the room because he stood and walked over to paw at me, then looked at Bella.
Kyle walked up and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Hunter—”
I jerked away from him, then spun around and glared. “You all told her not to tell me, didn’t you?”
Jack stood next to me and barked. Kyle looked down at him and then back at me.
Aiden walked up and stood between me and Kyle. “Hunter, you need to calm down.”
Something inside of me snapped right then. The anger I felt in that moment was like nothing I’d ever experienced.
“You need to get the fuck out of my face, Aiden!” Turning back to Bella, I shouted, “What’s. His. Name?”
She jumped, and Abby moved to her side immediately, along with Jack. He sat next to Bella and stared at me as if I’d lost my mind.
My chest burned as I fought to hold back my own sobs. Sobs of anger, despair, guilt. Fuck, I wanted to hurt someone. “I want his fucking name. I need his name, Bella!”
Bishop put his hand on my chest. “Dude, you need to calm down. It doesn’t help that you’re upsetting her like this.”
Staring at him, I said in a voice so desperate I didn’t even know it was mine, “I want his name, Bishop! I’m going to kill him for taking her from me!”
Aiden pushed me back and got in my face, his teeth clenched as he kept his temper in check. “You’re upsetting Arabella, you need to calm down. Stop this.”
Jack jumped back up, and I heard him growling. I wasn’t sure if he was aiming it at Aiden or me.
“Jack, back,” Kyle said, but Jack wasn’t about to listen to another handler.
I quickly turned my head and saw Bella crying in Abby’s arms. I somehow found my voice. “Jack, down.”
Jack instantly laid down. I bent and gave him a few pets, then said, “Go to Bella.”
He jumped up and immediately went and laid at her feet.
“Let’s go outside for a minute, okay?” Kyle said, tugging at my arm. “Dude, come on.”
Nodding, I caught Bella’s gaze. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. That I loved her. That I would do anything she needed me to do. But all I could hear was her screaming during one of her nightmares.
Everything made sense now. Her nightmares. Her panic attacks when I was on top of her on the sofa. The way she flinched whenever I touched her.
It all made sense—and I had known it deep down inside but was too much of a coward to ask her.
When the cold air hit my lungs, I dragged in a deep breath.
I jammed my fingers into my hair and shook my head. “Oh my God. I think I always knew. I always knew deep down.” Tears blurred my vision and I placed my hands on my knees and tried not to get sick. I lost the battle and leaned over the rail and puked.
Kyle—or someone—was right by my side, rubbing my back. I puked two more times, until I had nothing left to throw up. I stumbled back and into a chair on the porch. Tears streamed down my face.
“Hunter, none of us knew,” Bishop said. “Hell, Abby was the only person Arabella ever told. She just now told her folks earlier today.”
I stood and paced. “I knew. I think I’ve always known.” Another wave of nausea hit me. “Oh my God…she’s been dealing with this for almost ten years. Alone. Fucking alone!”
“Yelling isn’t going to help you or Arabella, Hunter. You need to calm down,” Aiden said.
Turning to face him, I heard the pleading in my own voice. “I need his name, Aiden.”
He sighed and looked away.
“I know you can get it. I want it!”
“Then what are you going to do, Hunter?” he asked. “Go after him? Kill him? In case you’ve forgotten, you’re a cop.”
“I don’t give a fuck! He raped my girlfriend! He stole ten years of our lives! I want him to pay.” My hands cramped as I balled them into tight fists.
Bishop walked up to me and placed his hands on my upper arms. “Dude, you need to calm the fuck down. I get it—you just found out some pretty heavy shit. But right now, the only thing you need to focus on is Arabella. She’s going to need you to not lose your mind—and not go to jail.”
My entire body was numb.
“Did you hear me?” Bishop asked, giving me a little shake.
I felt pricks at the back of my eyes. I couldn’t even form tears anymore. “Yeah,” I whispered, suddenly more tired than I’d ever been in my entire life. Was this how Bella always felt? She’d said it more than once, how tired she was.
I closed my eyes. Oh God, Bella. I’m so sorry.
I stumbled back a few steps and looked at the three of them. Suddenly, the tears came. “I was supposed to protect her. Keep her safe. Be there for her when she needed me.”
The sadness in their eyes was too much to handle. I looked away.
“I wasn’t there for her. I wasn’t there for her. I just walked away and gave up.”
An image of Bella, the scarf I’d bought for her stuffed in her mouth, being raped, hit me. Before I knew what was happening, I collapsed to my knees and let out a strangled cry.
Someone dropped down next to me. Strong arms engulfed me, holding me as I rocked back and forth and cried. My guilt hit me so hard, it nearly stole the air from my lungs. Sobs ripped from my chest as I cried out, “Oh God, I wasn’t there for her!”
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, Hunter. I promise, because you are here for her now,” Aiden said, keeping a tight grip on me.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the front porch of Bella’s cabin. Someone had gotten my jacket from the car, and at some point I was hauled up off the floor and onto the swing. I wasn’t sure if I was numb from the cold, or the emotions running through my body.
I was so angry at the asshole who’d raped Bella. I was angry at myself for not realizing the truth that day she’d broken up with me. I was angry at Bella for not trusting me to do the right thing. And I was so fucking sad knowing she had dealt with this on her own, all this time.
The screen door to the house opened with a creak, and I glanced over to see it was Kyle.
“Is Bella okay?” I asked hoarsely.
He nodded. “Aiden and Christina, one of the counselors at the center, warned her you might react with anger. Though Abby said Bella broke down again when she heard you out here crying.”
I sighed. “I shouldn’t have lost it like that.”