Guess that is what love does to a man.
He loved her. Even when he left for Tabiq, he loved her. Even now, he loved her. The only thing that was preventing him from telling her, was the horrible timing. You can’t show up at someone’s house, treat them poorly, and then say, ‘oh yeah, by the way, I love you’. Why would she believe that? Love is not just a word, it’s supposed to reflect one’s actions. His actions today weren’t good.
It can’t be too late to fix it. Just what the fuck am I supposed to do? What do I say?
For Connor, this was uncharted territory. It wasn’t like the law, cut and dry. He might feel one thing for her, and she feels something entirely different for him. They might not ever be on the same page with their feelings. He’s seen it too many times in other people’s relationships. And just because he loved her, didn’t mean those feelings were returned. She never said them, nor did he. But they did have something, worth fighting for, baby or not, there was something between them.
He wished there was someone he could call who’d tell him exactly what he needed to do. Or maybe an article for recovering assholes.
As he sat in her driveway, the US postal truck turned in, and drove around him, heading towards the house. The mailbox was down by the road. She must have a package being delivered.
Connor beeped his horn and the mail truck stopped. He opened his door and walked over.
“Hi. You have a package for Dr. Chinto?” he asked.
“I do.”
“I’d be happy to deliver it. I’m going that way,” he said.
The driver looked back towards Connor’s car. “Looks like you’re going the wrong way then.”
So true. “I was just about to turn around.”
“Thanks, but I cannot give the package to anyone except for who it is addressed to.” He put the mail truck in gear and continued towards the house.
That sucked. It would’ve been the perfect excuse to see her again. What the fuck is wrong with me. I have the best reason there is already.
He was all done sitting and thinking. It was time to take action. Connor walked back to his car, turned on the ignition, and threw it into reverse. He just hoped this time his mouth didn’t do more harm than good.
Even in the rearview mirror, he could see Krista standing on the porch talking to the postman as he handed her a manila envelope. She seemed thrilled to be receiving it. Hopefully she was going to be just as thrilled to see he had returned.
The postman drove away and Krista stayed on the porch just staring at Connor’s car. It was a good sign that she hadn’t stormed back into the house, or picked up a rock and smashed in his rear window.
Move it Connor before she changes her mind.
He turned the car off and approached her house. Connor kept his distance, not because he wanted to, but she needed it, he could tell.
“Did you forget something?” she asked.
Yeah. To tell you I love you.
“I thought maybe we could try this conversation again. And this time, I shut my mouth and listen.”
Krista stayed where she was. “I’m not sure what you want me to say?”
“It’s not what I want to hear, it’s what you want to say that matters. I should’ve been here all along to listen when you needed someone to talk to, and to support you when you needed a shoulder. I’m sorry I wasn’t.” He waited, holding his breath.
Krista finally nodded and waved for him to come inside. His heart was doing all kinds of wacky shit. It even felt as though it was skipping a beat every so often. It wasn’t his life that was on the line, but his future, his happiness, their life together, if it was even possible anymore. Connor was a take control and make it happen type of guy. This wasn’t that situation. He needed to stop and turn that over to Krista.
When they got inside, Krista sat on one end of the couch and pointed for him to take the other. He did as she requested. But she didn’t seem ready to talk and he was bursting at the gut with things he needed to say. Guess this is a lesson in patience.
A few minutes later she said, “I’m not pregnant.”
“I know.”
“So why are you back here then? I mean, there is no reason for you to panic. You’re free to return to wherever you were.”
He needed to choose his words wisely. “I’m not here to talk about work.”
“And I already told you, you’re not going to be a father,” she said flatly.
Those words still hurt. It made no sense, but then again, what did since he met her? From the moment she grabbed his arm in New York, she had hold of him. Not physically, but something much deeper. Even if she sent him away, that hold wouldn’t vanish. And the thought of this being the end, the last time he saw her, that might just be enough to stop his heart completely.
“I know you won’t believe me, but I wish it had been true.”
She crossed her arms and shot him a look. “You wanted me to be pregnant? Why? You’ve told me right along how you didn’t want any children.”
“And you told me that you didn’t believe it. I guess you were right. I do want to be a father,” he said for the first time out loud.
“I… guess I’m happy for you then. I mean that you have finally figured out what you want. I hope…you get what you want someday.”
What I want is you!
“Me too. But sometimes life has other plans for you. I’m sure you understand that,” he said.
Krista nodded. “Yes I do. My plan right now is asleep in the nursery.”
“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked.
“She died. You were there when I got the call, remember?” she said snidely.
It wasn’t something he would ever forget. Both of them dealt with her passing differently. Connor did what he always did, buried himself in his work. And Krista, apparently did what came naturally. And saved someone.
But he needed saving too, just in a different way. Without her, he was…half the person he was meant to be.
“And now you are caring for her child?” he asked.
“Actually, now she’s…my daughter. I officially adopted her,” Krista said. He saw the joy in her eyes as she spoke the words.
“Congratulations. That little girl has no idea how lucky she is. But she will someday.”
“Lucky? I’m the lucky one. She’s…precious.”
“I won’t ever forget the moment you handed her over to me, all wrapped up in my shirt. I’ve never held a baby before. It was scary as hell, but I’ll never forget it.” Even though she wasn’t his, the moment was etched in his mind.
“That moment in time seemed to have changed both of our lives,” she said.
“I’m not one who believes in fate, but something brought us together that day. All of us. Not just me and you, but Miss Twanda too.”
“I know. And she sensed it too. Like the universe wasn’t going to let us go until we did what we were meant to do,” Krista said.
“I don’t think that it is finished,” he said.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean you adopted a baby. That’s a lifelong commitment. It’s never done.”
Krista let out a long exhale. “I know. And I hope I live up to Miss Twanda’s expectations.”