I should feel more comfortable around him by now. Shouldn’t I?
I got the feeling that his dazzling smile was meant to put me at ease, but it only made dozens of tiny butterflies beat their wings in my stomach. It was thrilling, but it also made me slightly queasy.
With his strong, square jaw, glittering aquamarine eyes, and designer stubble that matched the perfectly mussed style of his sable hair, Niko was nothing short of stunning. The slightly windswept look he managed to effortlessly pull off should’ve made him appear a little messy, but in his sharply tailored suit, it only made him look that much more handsome: rough around the edges and rakish.
He was still trapping me in that heart-stopping smile, the hint of a knowing smirk tilting his sensual lips. The cocky confidence awoke a disconcerting warmth low in my belly, a reflexive feminine reaction that no woman could’ve stifled. Niko looked at me like he knew exactly what his overwhelmingly masculine presence did to my thought processes, and he liked what he saw.
An image of a hungry, predatory wolf flashed through my mind, circling its prey. I shifted in my seat and touched my locket for comfort.
I didn’t entirely dislike the way Niko made me feel, but I wasn’t sure if I liked it, either.
All I knew was that being around him—riding this edge of disconcerting physical desire—dulled the aching pain at the center of my chest where Max had crushed my heart.
It twisted at the thought of my dark protector, and I quickly shoved his breathtaking face from my mind. If I could obliterate him from my brain entirely, I would. Anything to ease the pain of the deep wound he’d inflicted.
I would’ve fucked you. The blood of your mother’s murderers runs in my veins, and I would’ve taken everything you offered me without saying a word about it. I am a monster, Allie. His final words tormented me, ripping me apart just as keenly as they had on that awful night.
I rubbed the back of my locket, seeking the soothing warmth of the smooth gold beneath my thumb.
I had to stop thinking about Max, or I’d start crying again. Mortification burned my cheeks at the horrific prospect of crying in front of Niko, who was all smiles and flirtatious banter. He was beautiful and radiant, and I felt as fragile as a withered rose.
His smile tugged up at one corner, teasing and tantalizing. His glittering eyes flicked to my locket, which was still clutched between my fingers. “What secrets do you keep locked away in there?”
His low, rumbling cadence implied that he already knew all my secrets, especially the darkest, most forbidden ones.
I fisted my hand around the locket in a reflexive protective gesture. I’d shared my secret pain with Max on that terrible night, and he’d used it to destroy me. I’d told him how the locket was all I had left of my mother, and how I felt guilty that I hadn’t tried to save her.
You think it’s your fault that she died because you didn’t run back into that fire to save her. But there was nothing you could’ve done. She was already dead. Your father started the fire to cover up her murder. Max’s horrific words were burned into my mind, and I clenched my fist tighter around the warm gold.
Niko’s eyes softened, and his smile dropped away. As his face settled into its natural hard planes, I realized for the first time that the stunning grin was practiced, meant to dazzle and conceal his true emotions. He’d never looked at me with anything but levity and cocky, masculine satisfaction. But now, I was getting a glimpse of the real man beneath the glittering mask.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his tone low and soothing. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was only teasing.”
I drew in a shaky breath and buried all thoughts of Max, shoving them deep into the hole in my chest. It wasn’t Niko’s fault that I now had traumatic memories associated with my beloved locket.
“It’s okay,” I replied, my voice hitching only slightly. “It’s just…” I hesitated, not ready to trust anyone with my dark secret ever again. I settled on a shadow of the truth. “I keep a picture of my mom and me in my locket.”
My eyes stung, and my cheeks heated with embarrassment as I blinked rapidly to stave off the tears. I’d look like a complete idiot if I openly cried while on a date with the most eligible billionaire in the city. We were in a swanky restaurant, surrounded by well-dressed, poised strangers. I’d noted more than one woman shooting longing glances in Niko’s direction. The press had already shown interest in our supposed relationship. If they caught wind of the fact that I’d become an emotional wreck while on a date with Nikolai Ivanov, the public would eat me alive. I’d be subject to online ridicule, judged by women—and men—who would love to be in my position right now.
Niko reached out, and I sucked in a shocked gasp when his big hand settled over mine. My skin tingled beneath his long fingers, and heat pulsed deep inside me.
I blinked at him, stunned all over again. This time, it was the sincerity in his pale blue gaze that struck me rather than his beautiful mask.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I know you lost your mother. I shouldn’t have teased you about it.”
I took another deep breath, and the burn behind my eyes eased. Instead, compassion tightened my chest. I turned my hand so that my fingers wrapped around his. “It’s okay. I know you lost your mom, too.” I’d been familiar with the broad strokes of his family history for years, since Mikhail Ivanov, Niko’s father, was one of my dad’s biggest donors.
I hastily dabbed the wetness from my lashes before my mascara could smudge. “Sorry,” I said thickly. “I didn’t mean to get so emotional, and I didn’t think about how it would affect you, too.”
His face went completely blank. “My mother died of an overdose. It’s not the same.”
Something hot flickered in his blue eyes. Anger?
Did he resent his mother for dying when he was young? I’d lost my mom in an accident, but an overdose… Niko’s mother had caused her own death. She’d been ripped away from him, but by her own actions. He’d probably felt abandoned, not just bereft.
I squeezed his hand. “Thank you for sharing that with me. And for caring that I was upset.”
“Of course, I don’t want you to be upset.” He blew out a sigh, and a less intense version of his smile slipped back into place, suitably muted for the somber moment, but still a mask, nonetheless. I’d caught a brief glimpse at the real man behind the dizzying wealth and good looks, but it seemed that was all he would allow.
I let the moment pass, forcing a small smile of my own. I barely knew Niko. If he didn’t want to make himself vulnerable on our third date, I wouldn’t press him. I hadn’t even kissed him. Vulnerability was asking far too much.
I didn’t want to offer him mine, either. I’d made myself vulnerable around Max, and he’d used my deepest emotional wound as a punching bag.
My smile strained at the corners, but I resolutely held it in place and forced myself to remain present with Niko.
“I feel like I’ve spent all this time talking about me,” I said, slightly apologetic. Niko had peppered me with questions about my studies and my internship, taking up most of our time together with conversations about my life. I’d been too overwhelmed and anxious to press back.