I glanced at Puck, as doubts prickled. The last time, it had been the Great Prankster who had figured out the Elder Nightmare’s weakness. In his ridiculous Goodfellow way, he’d made the rest of us forget our fear by playing a battle tune on his panpipes and dancing around the Nightmare as it tried to stomp on him. Absurd as it was, it had been enough to turn the tables and bring the creature down.
That wouldn’t be an option here. Puck did not look up to playing a tune or singing a song now. The anger, despair, and grimness of this place saturated everything, killing any thoughts of hope or happiness. Even if Puck did manage to bounce back to his normal irreverence, I couldn’t see it having any effect on the Nightmare in front of us.
And then, another head appeared, twisted and crowned with antlers, as a second monster pushed its way through the gash. A third followed, snarling as it came into the light.
And a fourth.
“Oh, come on,” Puck groaned, and Meghan’s grip on my hand tightened. Four Nightmares. If even one of them got past us into the Nevernever, they would corrupt it and all the faeries they came across, just like the Monster did in Touchstone. Somehow, we would have to kill all four here, before they could invade the Nevernever.
I knew, with cold certainty, that we wouldn’t be strong enough. Not as we were.
The Unseelie within raged at me, furious and defiant. You can be strong enough, it snarled. You know the way. Give up your weakness. Embrace the darkness and become as you were.
As I was before. My hands trembled. I understood now, what was holding me back. If I wanted to use the power around me to its fullest, I would have to become pure Unseelie again. A full fey, with no human weakness or conscience to hold him back. It meant I could completely lose myself to the rage and violence around me, and that power would be mine.
It meant I would have to give up my soul.
Part of me recoiled in horror. I had gone to the End of the World, faced trials and monsters, endured tests that should have killed me, to become the first faery that was ever granted a soul. I’d done it so I could be with the woman I loved in the Iron Realm, for to gain a soul was to become human. But it also meant I wasn’t fully fey. I was something between, neither faery nor mortal, and I had given up a portion of my Winter glamour in exchange. Without a soul, I could become that Unseelie prince again, one that was even more powerful, who used anger and hate to their full effect. Who might even rival Mab and the rulers of the Faery courts.
But at what cost? If I gave up my soul, what would I become? Could I even return to the Iron Realm? If I lost Meghan, would my life be worth anything at all?
Across the ruins, the four Nightmares roared and bared their fangs as inky tendrils crept across the ground and began choking the life from the trees. At the edge of the pit, more things began crawling out, a whole new wave of enemies that filled me with hate and despair. This would never end. The nightmarish glamour in the ruins grew suffocating, drenched in rage, hate, and fear. And if you die here, the Unseelie side of me whispered, what would it matter? If the Nevernever falls, if these Nightmares kill you all right now, you’ve already lost everything. Being able to return to the Iron Realm will matter for nothing if there is no queen there to rule it.
Gazing across the ruins at the wave of creatures and the looming Nightmares, the dreams of a sleeping god, I set my jaw. What would I sacrifice for the ones I loved? I had risked my very existence to gain a soul so I could be with Meghan in the Iron Realm.
I would sacrifice it, and my humanity, to save her.
So be it. Ice flooded my heart, as I made my decision. Gently, I lowered Meghan back against a smooth rock, being careful not to jostle her wounds. “Wait here,” I told her. “I’ll take care of this.”
Her blue eyes met mine, anguished and desperate. “Ash, what...?”
I brushed her cheek. “Trust me.”
Knowing she would. She had always trusted me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I certainly didn’t deserve it, now. Glancing at Puck, who was watching us with a wary frown, I felt a brief stab of regret. I was going to betray him, too, in the end. “Stay with her, Goodfellow,” I told him. “I won’t need your help. Not this time.”
His green eyes narrowed. “What are you doing, Ash?”
“Ending this,” I said, and whirled, striding toward the Nightmares that waited at the edge of the portal.
21
STOPPING EVENFALL
This is what you always were.
I tried clearing my thoughts as I walked steadily across the chamber, preparing myself for battle as I had a thousand times before. But my thoughts were consumed with anger, and the only thing I could feel was hatred for the creatures before me. The desire to cut them into pieces and watch them writhe away into nothing. The horde of smaller enemies shrieked and bounded toward me, and my bloodlust soared, welcoming the inevitable slaughter.
You were always Unseelie. You were always meant to be cold and violent and ruthless. Hate is your legacy, and the power of Winter has always been fueled by anger. Become the Winter prince again and destroy all your enemies. Destroy everything that stands against you.
I reached out and the power was there, an endless well of fury and rage. It flowed into me, vicious and violent, a maelstrom that coated the pillars and the ground at my feet with ice. Casually, I raised a hand, and the first wave of enemies coming at me froze, turning to ice midlunge before shattering into fragments.
I felt a flat, chilling smile cross my face as the darkness within surged higher. Power and nightmare glamour swirled around me, whipping at my coat and freezing me from within. I could feel myself getting colder, like ice was spreading through my veins, freezing out all emotion or weakness. My skin had gone numb, all the warmth disappearing, and bits of ice began spreading across my cheeks and arms. It wasn’t painful at all, and the Unseelie within laughed in glee.
The Nightmares howled and stalked forward. Raising both arms away from my sides, I gathered more anger to me and sent a wave of Winter glamour out before me. Winds whipped into a fury, howling through the air as they became a shrieking blizzard, pelting the approaching mob with ice and snow.
Colder, the Unseelie hissed, as fury and bloodlust surged. The horde of nightmare beasts slowed as they crossed the ruins, fighting wind and driving bits of ice. Drawing my sword, I raised an arm and froze another wave, shattering them into tiny fragments, as the Unseelie goaded me on. Freeze your weakness. Destroy them all. Claim your destiny, and become the Winter King.
Deep inside, I could sense a tiny light flickering against the flood of power and darkness, growing dimmer as the rage and fury swirled around it. For just a moment, I faltered, uncertainty overshadowing my thoughts. Once done, there’d be no going back. If I took this final step, I could never return to what I was.
No. I would not waver. I would not back down. If I had to give up my soul to save the Nevernever, I would. If I had to become the Winter King to keep my family and my world safe, so be it. Let the rage and cold consume me; I was Unseelie. I was born in darkness, and my legacy was death. This was what I had always been.