God, I hope so, I thought to myself, feeling those walls around my heart quake and buckle just a bit more.
Twenty
Stella
Later that evening, I sat on the edge of West’s bed, the memories of the day playing out in my brain like a movie projected onto a screen.
Not only had he organized having my car returned to me, but he’d also gotten my purse back for me when someone had located it in the parking lot of the bar and turned it in to lost and found. Sure enough, as soon as I unsnapped the false bottom, the money clip I’d jacked from the skinny guy at the bar was right there.
When we’d gotten home, he sat me on the couch in front of the TV with Rollie and the remote, and headed into the kitchen to start on dinner. That had been three hours ago, and now I sat in his bedroom, behind a closed door, all by myself, trying to wrap my brain around the day I just had.
Those walls of mine were getting harder and harder to maintain. He didn't even have to try to take a battering ram to them. One look, one smile, one gentle touch, and I was quickly losing myself to this man.
What Sage had said earlier had been playing over and over in my head. Just go with it.
Swinging my legs back and forth, I stared at the phone in my hand, the phone I had because West had gone out of his way to get me a new one.
Tapping the screen to bring it to life, I scrolled through to see my contacts were the same as they had been on the old phone. I found my sister’s number and hit go, lifting the phone to my ear and listening to it ring until the call finally connected.
My sister’s soothing voice came through the line. “Hello?”
“Hey it's me.”
“Stell Bell? How did you get a new phone?”
“West got it for me.”
I could hear the cheekiness in my sister's voice as she asked, “And how are things going with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Sexy?”
A smile wreathed my face as I looked at my lap, tugging at a loose thread on the hem of my shirt. “It’s a bit . . . complicated,” I answered truthfully.
“How so?” she asked, not bothering to hide the concern in her voice.
“I'm feeling . . . things,” I stressed.
“You're feeling things?” she asked in confusion.
“Yeah,” I answered. “He makes me feel . . . untethered. When I'm with him, he's all I can think about. It's dangerous. I don't want to stay here and end up forgetting what really matters.”
My sister remained quiet for a few seconds, trying to wrap her head around everything I just said. “Stell Bell, you know it's okay if you're into this guy, right?”
I fell back onto the bed with a huff, staring up at the ceiling fan as the blade slowly rotated in circles. “How can you say that? Especially with everything that’s going on with our family right now.”
“I can say that because I'm your big sister, and it's my job to look out for you. That includes telling you to remove your head from your ass when you’re into a guy and trying to convince yourself that’s a bad thing.”
“It is a bad thing,” I exclaimed. “I mean, I'm still wearing the bruises from O'Brien’s henchman. The longer I’m here, the easier it is to forget what’s still hanging over our heads.”
Serenity blew out a sigh through the line, her exasperation with me ringing clear as a bell. “Fine. I'm not going to try to talk you into anything with this dude, so why don't you tell me how the past few days have been? How are you feeling? What have you been up to?”
I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes and filling my lungs with the scent of West that still lingered in the air. “I feel good,” I answered. “My ribs still hurt a bit, and the bruises are still there, but everything is slowly getting better.”
Rollie chose that moment to decide he was over the doggie bed resting on the floor by the bay windows, and hopped up onto the mattress, plopping down beside me and resting his head on my thigh with a whuff.
“And the roomie situation?” she queried. “How’s everything going on that front?”
I ran my fingers through the dog’s silky fur as I told her, “It’s good. I mean, aside from the fact that he won’t let me out of his sight because he’s worried about O’Brien or one of his assholes finding me.”
“Oh, the horror,” Serenity said sarcastically. “Being stuck with a sexy beast of a man twenty-four/seven because he wants to keep you safe. That must suck so bad.”
“All right, I get your point,” I deadpanned. “Anyway, I went out for the first time today. West took me to his office because he had a few things to take care of, and you were right, sis, the guys there . . .” I trailed off just to mess with her a little. “You’d have been so jealous of me today,” I teased. “They were insane. This whole damn town is like the holy grail of hotness.”
“And you didn’t take pictures?” she snapped accusatorially.
“I didn’t have my phone until after,” I said on a laugh. “West was having one of the other guys set it up.”
There was a brief pause. “So let me get this straight. Sir Hunksalot not only bought you a new phone, but he also had one of his band of badass brothers set it all up for you so you didn’t have to deal? Oh, and he’s all über protective of you in a way that makes me all kinds of jealous?”
“That’s about right,” I replied sheepishly, knowing exactly what my sister was getting at.
“And you haven’t slept with him?”
I squeezed my eyes tight, swallowing past my suddenly parched throat. “No,” I croaked seconds later.
“Why in the ever-loving hell not?” Serenity shouted through the line.
“Because this is all temporary,” I whisper-yelled back, not wanting to raise my voice and risk West hearing me.
Serenity blew out a raspberry. “All the better then.”
I groaned in frustration and pushed myself up to sitting. “No, you don’t get it. This whole thing is temporary, but how I feel about this guy . . .” I inhaled, trying to calm my nerves and piece my thoughts together. “It would hurt when it ended, and I don’t think I could handle that. I mean, look at how I was with Jason, and he wasn’t even a quarter of the man West is. In the time I’ve been here, West has cooked every single meal for me, he’s made sure I take my pain pills when I start to hurt, even when I try to act like I’m fine. It’s like he’s got this sixth sense, he can just read it on my face when I’m in pain and he gets up, gets my meds and a drink, and brings them to me.”
“Yuck. He sounds terrible,” Serenity deadpanned.
“Be serious,” I chided.
“Okay, okay. Sorry.” She cleared her throat like she was about to impart some super awesome, big sister wisdom on me. “Have you stopped to consider that maybe it won’t end?”
“It will,” I threw back immediately.
“But what if it doesn’t?”
“It will.”
“How could you possibly know that?” Serenity asked.
“Because I’m not good enough for him.” I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but once the words flowed past my lips, there was no pulling them back.