“He loves you.” Del’s sleep-filled voice fills the air.
I don’t look up. “Is there a reason you slept by the door?”
“Of course,” she says. I expect her to say that Roman was closer, that everything’s done, that I don’t get a few more days or that she was sick of me even though we had one of the best nights I can remember in my entire existence. “A good queen guards her king. A good knight doesn’t just fall asleep on the job because they feel safe; they extend that safety to the person who needs the most protection.” Her hand presses against my shoulder. “You.”
I grip it. “Is that the real reason?” I want to believe her. God, do I want to believe her, but I don’t know anything anymore.
I’m lost.
I’m a ship at sea ready to be wrecked against the rocks screaming for help, and nobody can hear me.
Maybe because it feels like nobody is listening, and the only man I want to hear can’t.
He fucking can’t.
I start to hyperventilate for a minute, and then Del’s pulling me from the bed onto the floor. She lays my head in her lap, and she starts to sing.
It’s a song I remember my mom singing when I was little. “Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home.” Her voice is beautiful; it’s perfectly pitched and easy to listen to. “Swing low sweet chariot coming for to carry me home.” Her voice catches. “I looked over Jordan and what did I see, coming for to carry me home.” A knock sounds at the door.
I don’t move.
The door opens.
And she keeps singing. “A band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home.”
Footsteps sound against the hardwood. I can tell it’s more than one person. I can feel the sadness in the air; I cling to her still.
I need her more than the next breath my lungs are attempting to breathe, more than the next beat of my heart. My hands instinctively go to her clothes and tug, I tug because I need something to hold on to, and she lets me. She holds me closer, pressing my head against her chest.
A tear falls down my cheek.
Hers, not mine. “Swing low, sweet chariot coming for to carry me home.” Her breath catches.
Someone sits next to her; someone else follows until I feel the air around me move.
“Swing low sweet chariot coming for to carry me home.” She almost can’t finish it. I can tell something is happening; I feel it in the wind in the room; I feel it in how each breath tastes.
“If you get there, before I do.” A new voice joins her. Serena, I think, maybe Izzy, and then it isn’t just them, it’s every one of my friends, my cousins sitting around us. “Coming for to carry me home.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as they continue. A hand presses against my back; it’s massive, so it has to be one of the guys.
I look up, and Maksim is hovering near me, both hands on my back rubbing, and he’s singing, tears in his eyes. “Tell all my friends I’m coming too,” he whispers. “Coming for to carry me home.”
Tears stream down my cheeks because I know the only reason every single one of the second generation would be in my bedroom in the morning and why it would be so quiet despite the singing.
Why she would have slept by the door despite her original reasons.
Protecting me until it was time.
Slowly, I rise to a sitting position and whisper, “Tell me.”
Junior can’t meet my eyes. Ash is holding onto Annie hard, his typically arrogant face pale.
Valerian and Tank are with their wives in the corner watching.
Serena’s on the floor, looking down.
But Maksim, my best friend and brother, Maksim is the closest; he grabs my hand and slowly pulls me to a standing position. “We’re not sure he’s going to make it.”
Pain like I’ve never known sweeps through me like a roaring fire, lighting up my blood in an attempt to singe my soul. I don’t know if I can breathe. I don’t know if I can do anything but stay in that position with Del behind me and Maksim in front, gripping my hand.
“Leave,” Del says in a harsh whisper. “Leave them.”
Nobody blinks; they simply get up and start walking out. Del is the last to go; she puts a hand on my shoulder and whispers. “I’ll be right outside.”
“Okay.” It’s all I can really get out.
The minute the door closes behind her in a soft click, Maksim is pulling me into his arms and holding me.
I lose everything.
I’ve lost everything.
I sob into his arms, and he holds me against his chest even though my tears don’t make anything better.
“Come on, Dad, I’m super strong, just like you!” I laughed and tossed the football into the air, then tackled him to the ground.
With a grunt, he shoved me off and glared. “Wanna fight fair?”
“Oh, please.” I laugh. “You’re an old man now.”
“Old man? Old man?” He looked ready to murder me; his eyes narrowed. “You’re only sixteen, you little shit, so come at me!”
I do.
Because I was sixteen and a little shit.
I ran full speed toward him, then tackled him to the ground, not realizing that he let me until he pinned me to the ground and pulled my arm around so I couldn’t reach him, his knee digging into my thigh. “Do you give?”
“Never!” I announced with a laugh.
He shoved me away. “Should I give you five seconds to make a run for it?”
“NO!” I yelled. “Last time, I nearly broke my arm!”
“You were fine; it was a flesh wound.” He ruffled my hair. “You’re getting too tall, too arrogant—”
“Too good looking?” I added in.
“Don’t push it.” He pulled me to my feet then shoved me, only to trip me. “Sorry, bad habit.”
“And I’m the little shit.”
“Language.” He pointed at me. “Just don’t tell your mom.”
“Our family.” We started walking. “And all our fun secrets.”
He suddenly grabbed my arm. “You have to accept that you will always be blanketed by them, but you’ll also be blanketed in love. If you learn nothing else, know that family is everything, blood is everything, no matter what happens.” He swallowed and then said, “Until it ends.”
“Come on.” I shoved him. “It won’t end. We have the great Tex Campisi as our leader, and he’s not afraid of shit.”
Dad looked away. He always made eye contact when we talked, so it was strange that he would look away. I remembered the moment I finally realized that he wasn’t invincible when he whispered, “Nobody lives forever.”
“You will,” I insisted. “Right?”
He put his arm around me and held me close as we walked toward the house. “I’ll try, son, I promise you one thing, I’ll try with everything I have—to live, for you, for Mom, for these Families. I’ll try to live.”
I nodded and, for some weird reason, added, “Until it ends.”
He stopped, turned me toward him, and repeated, “Until it ends.”
“How long?” I ask Maksim.
He hasn’t stopped holding me, his grip tight. “Nikolai is on the jet right now. We just need a miracle. We need him to wake up.”