“It’s always a bad time!” Ash yells. “When Keanu cock blocks you!”
“Wait, you know Keanu?” Tank asks.
“IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING METAPHOR!” Ash screams.
“She’s pregnant.” King nudges me and whispers, “Annie, because of his past and whatnot, he’s been… emotional, not to mention more difficult than usual.”
“Isn’t that her job? You know being pregnant and all?” I whisper back.
“One would think.” King chuckles, and then his face falls as if he realizes that isn’t going to be his future.
“Let’s go make a drink.” I elbow him.
He looks down at me. His eyes sad, dark. “Sure, whatever you want.”
That’s the problem.
I want him to be happy.
And I’m afraid that he thinks he needs me for that to be so.
Chapter Five
“I don’t suffer from insanity but enjoy every minute of it.” —Edgar Allen Poe
King
Drama, always the drama with my family, and I really wouldn’t want it any other way as I watch Del completely fall into step with the girls. Naturally, they win, and John Wick is the movie of choice. Fucking Keanu Reeves and his inability to age. He’s a vampire. I know it. I just need to prove it… you know when I’m not busy killing people and trying to stay sane while participating in an arranged marriage.
Truth, stranger than fiction. See also: My life.
“Such bullshit,” Ash says to my right while Junior grunts his agreement.
I smirk to myself. “Like you guys can talk, you’re getting sex on the regular, so what if Keanu turns them on? Just think about what happens when the movie ends.”
I really shouldn’t have said that since all it does is make me think of all the sex I’m currently not having when a year ago, I was asking my twenty-three-year-old tutor if she liked it when I pulled her hair.
“Sex,” Maksim says matter-of-factly and then starts to smile—correction, he smirks like he’s about to teach a sex-ed class and get fired in the process. “You know, it’s really interesting if you—”
“What the hell is wrong with people not understanding the whole boundary thing with sisters?” Ash wonders out loud. “At least Valerian’s stopped being—”
He stops talking.
We look in the direction he’s looking as Valerian has Violet pinned against the wall, her legs wrapped around his waist.
“GET A ROOM!” Ash shouts.
I sigh while Maksim pats Ash on the back. “You’re turning red again.”
“Why does nobody respect the rules?” he asks nobody in general.
I have no answer for him because I’m completely distracted by the beautiful girl laughing with Serena and Annie on the couch.
They’re watching Keanu like he’s the second coming.
And I can’t bring myself to be pissed about it, not when she’s smiling like that, not when she seems freer than I’ve ever seen her.
I can’t think back on that moment. The one that solidified our relationship. Where I told her father I would keep her and promised to kill anyone in my way, including her uncles.
I’m pissed her father saw a way into the Families that was almost too easy. Thank God he was dead—no love lost there, but the Buratti Family still wanted too much.
Myself included.
They wanted me. At the end of the day. I was also part of this bargain.
Whatever it took, though, to keep her safe.
She never told me if he put hands on her, but I could only imagine a man like that most likely saw nothing wrong with hitting a woman. I may be a son of the mafia, but one thing our parents always made sure we knew…
You respect women.
Your mom.
Your sister.
Your aunts.
The woman on the street selling her body.
It doesn’t matter who they are or what they do.
It’s your job to honor them.
Now that doesn’t mean a whole ton of us didn’t sleep around, but we were never cruel, and every single girl knew what they were getting: a piece of mafia ass.
I smile again as she throws her head back and laughs at something Serena says while pouring her another glass of wine. It’s impossible to be sad in her presence even though I want to be. I want to feel all my feelings. All of them. Even if they hurt so bad I can’t breathe.
It’s so hard when you want something and have a forced proximity of a choice that will never end with anything good. It’s like watching everyone around you full of joy and wishing you could be the same but knowing it won’t ever be okay.
“So…” Maksim elbows me, then grabs hold and pulls me to the side. “How are things?”
“Focus on yourself,” I say through clenched teeth, irritated that he can see through all my bullshit without even trying.
He rolls his eyes, so typical of Maksim. He’s either dead serious or belongs on SNL, nothing in the middle. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just do that because it relieves so much stress focusing on myself.” He glares. “Plus, I’ve got Izzy. I’m fine. I’m happy as a clam that just shit out a pearl.”
“That’s not the right phrasing.”
“What? They technically shit pearls.”
“I think what you mean to say is a clam that makes a pearl, like a baby.”
He stares me down then goes, “Nah, that’s not it. Hey Ash, do clams shit pearls or make them?”
“Duh, they shit them,” Valerian says, coming up for air long enough to actually speak words rather than maul his wife’s face.
“I WILL SHIT YOU!” Ash yells, then throws a cup in their direction like he’s ready to start a war all over again.
“Dude, they’re married. Let it go,” I advise.
Maksim just shakes his head. “Shouldn’t we be more concerned about his mental health than mine? She’s barely six weeks pregnant, and he’s picking a fight with everyone. Yesterday he yelled at the rooster.”
I do a double-take. “You have roosters now?”
“Not us, them. Chase finds it soothing in the morning, but really I think he did it just to piss everyone off, Ash included.”
I really have nothing to say to that, so I don’t say a word. I just shake my head and let the chaos around me implode to the point that hours later, everyone is either sleeping, watching TV, or having sex in some random part of the house I won’t ever visit again.
And of course, there’s Del.
She’s the only other one still up, sipping her wine, watching something on the giant screen in the theater room.
I’ve been with everyone but not really with them, not present, just watching things unfold, calculating, wondering what my future might look like since my responsibility will be all of this.
Sure, Ash is one of our leaders, and he always will be when it comes to the second generation of the mafia, but as far as authority?
That’s all me.
The pressure gets so intense sometimes I just want to run.
But what good would that do? Would that help my cousins? My best friends? Would that have saved Del all those months ago?
The answer is a resounding no.
So running would be to save myself, and from what?