“I face it every day. Every single one since the day she went missing—was stolen—and I can’t believe you’d think otherwise.”
I let out a long breath, looking my mom directly in the eyes and seeing the panic and devastation there. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I know you live with this every single day. We all do. But Hadley…she never got a chance to be free. To run wild like the rest of us did. She was too young before the kidnapping, and after…” I didn’t look away, needing my mother to really hear this. “There was no normal. No sleepovers or riding bikes to the store with friends or even high school parties if an adult wasn’t present. Beck and I understood why, and Shy didn’t want to do any of that anyway. But Hadley, she wanted all of it. And she never got it.”
My mom slid into one of the empty chairs. “I was scared.”
I stood and rounded the desk, taking the seat next to her and grabbing her hand. “I know. And I hate that for you. It kills me. But if you don’t give Hadley some room to be who she is, you are going to lose her.”
Mom sniffed. “I know. But sometimes I just get so angry that she doesn’t give me a little empathy.”
“I think she does. She’s just not willing to give up who she is so you don’t worry.”
My mom was quiet, clearly mulling it all over but not being willing to admit that she might be wrong.
“I’m going to have an officer stationed outside her house each night, okay? Would that make you feel better?”
“Yes. I just want her to be safe.”
I pulled my mom into a hug. “I know you do.” But for the first time, I could really see just how stifling that might be. And I knew I had to keep myself from doing the same to Everly.
36
Everly
I moved around my kitchen, finishing the last few dishes from last night as Chip chowed down on a small bowl of nuts. “I hope you know how cushy your life is.”
He let out a little chatter in response. It better have been in agreement. The little guy pretty much lived in the lap of luxury.
The breeze from the window picked up, swirling my hair around my face and rustling the branches of the trees outside. God, I loved the silence here. And for the first time in weeks, I was truly alone.
I might have come to appreciate how Hayes’ overprotectiveness showed his care, but that didn’t mean I was used to having people around all the time. I’d been on my own since I was eighteen. Never had roommates, even if it meant living in a shoebox of a studio apartment. And I valued that solitude.
Now I had to find some balance. I took a deep breath of pine air, letting it center me. I reached for that ever-elusive peace. It felt closer than it had in the past. I could grab it for brief moments; I just needed to find a way to get it to stay.
It didn’t help that I knew Ian was walking the streets now, having decided to shell out bail instead of waiting out the wheels of justice. Hayes had made a trip down to the vet’s office to tell me. I had my restraining order, but I knew that piece of paper was useless. It was only kindling to Ian.
The only way it would help was if he broke it and got jail time. And if that happened, it would likely be too late. The damage would already be done. A shiver snaked up my spine, even though the air was warm enough for a tank top.
Tires on gravel sounded, and I checked my watch. Just about quitting time for Hayes, but I still moved to the corner of the cabin where I’d put my gun locker and pulled out Betty. Lifting the curtains a fraction, the tension in my shoulder blades eased as I saw the lights atop his SUV.
I placed Betty back in the locker and shut the door. Taking another deep breath, I reached for that calm again. I pulled open the front door just as Hayes reached the bottom step. “Are those flowers? And takeout?”
He almost looked a little bashful. “I haven’t had the chance to take you on a proper date yet. I thought I’d remedy that.” He handed me the brightly colored blooms and pulled me close.
“They’re beautiful.”
Hayes bent his head and took my mouth in a slow kiss. “Missed you today.”
“You saw me in the middle of the day.”
He pulled me in closer, inhaling deeply. “Still missed you.”
My arms rounded his body as I burrowed into his hold. “I missed you, too.” More than I wanted to admit. Something about Hayes grounded me. The frenetic energy that normally ran through me eased just a bit around him.
“Glad to hear it. It would be a real bummer if you were fine without me.”
I grinned into his chest, but at the same time, a lick of panic flitted through me. Because I would never be fine without Hayes. But I might have to learn to live that way anyway.
I released my hold on him and stepped back. “Come on in. Whatever’s in there smells amazing.”
“How do you feel about a Mexican feast?”
“I feel great about it. Hey, where’s Koda?”
“He’s with Shy today.” We moved into the living area, and Chip scurried back into his hidey-hole. “I’ll never get used to that dang thing.”
I pulled out some plates and cutlery. “He’s cute. Admit it.”
“He’d be cute if he lived in the barn.”
“Too late now, he’s domesticated. He wouldn’t survive out there with that limp. And he was my first friend.”
Hayes lifted a brow. “Your first friend.”
“I wasn’t sure what the welcome would be like when I got here. I was bracing for a full town shunning. I thought he might be my only friend.”
Hayes set the bags of food on the counter. “Come here.” I walked into his open arms, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. “I’m sorry you were so scared. And even more sorry that I was such a grade-A jerk when I came up here that first time.”
“That first couple of times, you mean?”
He grunted. “I was an idiot.”
“It takes a real man to admit the truth,” I said with a chuckle. Then I tipped my head back so my chin rested on Hayes’ sternum. “But you’re forgiven. You don’t need to keep apologizing.”
“I do when I feel like an ass.”
I slipped a hand under the hem of his untucked work shirt, running my fingers along the golden skin and taut muscle. “You learned from it. That’s all any of us can ask for. Hope for.”
He brushed the hair away from my face. “I’ve learned a lot from you.”
“Really?”
“Yup. Come on, I’ll tell you over dinner.”
“Want to eat on the back deck? I got a new table from the secondhand shop after work. It’s all set up.”
He frowned at me. “I would’ve helped you with that.”
I rolled my eyes. “I can handle a table and a few chairs.”
He felt my biceps. “You look so tiny, but you’ve got muscles.”
“I have to lure my enemies into underestimating me.”
Hayes chuckled. “I’d say you’ve got that covered. Come on, let’s eat.”
I put the flowers in some water and then followed Hayes out to the back deck. He’d already set up an elaborate display of food, enough to feed at least eight. “Are we celebrating something I don’t know about? Having a party?”