“Maybe she wants a family?”
She has one. It’s the two of us against the world. We don’t need anyone else. Why would I want to add someone who, in the long run, might leave us? I can’t put my child through the loss of another person. Not again.
“Or maybe she feels like you need someone to lean on?”
“I’m okay. We’re fine with the way things are.” My voice comes out a little too harsh.
“Do you think there’s somebody out there who you could love the way you loved your husband?”
“I…” I’m not sure how to answer.
Chapter Eight
Zach
I hold my breath as I wait for Autumn’s answer.
Persy is the one who ends the long pause. “You might not believe it now, but one day you’ll meet someone.”
“Why would I want to meet anyone, for that matter? You know what they say, lightning never strikes the same place twice. It’s the same with love.”
Persy turns to look at Ford, who shrugs. I wish I knew what that meant. I hate when people just glance at each other and have an entire conversation. I have that with my brother, of course. It’s a twin thing, but when couples do it, it’s weird. I never had it with Callie. There are so many things that Callie and I never shared. Guilt strikes me again. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, or I was too busy working to pay attention to her.
Callie said it several times. Work and my family absorbed all my time. I barely paid attention to her.
“You’re so young,” Persy continues. “What if there’s another person out there for you? Someone who will take away your heart and say, ‘you’re safe with me. Let me love you and grow old with you.’ You’ll know you can trust him not only with your heart but with your extraordinary kid.”
There’s another long pause, and I hang by the silence. By the words being said.
Is it even possible to love someone again?
“What was your husband’s name?”
“Paxton…we never married. We were young. Too young when we found out about Matilda. We decided to tie the knot after she was born, or maybe when she was walking so she could walk him down the aisle. It wasn’t important. What mattered to us was that we were starting a family, and we loved our baby. I see a lot of him in Matilda, though my family swears she’s just like me.”
I remember Paxton. Paxton Blackthorne. He was a junior when I was a senior in high school. I had no idea he and Autumn dated. The kid was okay—as okay as a Blackthorne can be.
“I bet she has the best of both of you. She might have the best traits of him, and that’s why she reminds you of him and maybe why you don’t miss him as much.”
“I still miss him,” Autumn whispers. “He had a way to make everything magical. It didn’t matter how bad things were. He reminded me that it was just a bad moment, not a bad life. That the next day, things would look different.”
“He gave me…”
And when she says it, I whisper it, “Hope.”
Like a bright light, I see it, the hope. The one I’ve been searching for the past couple of years—the light within the darkness. The fog of mindless despair that numbed me when Callie died begins to dissipate.
“Sounds like you two had something special,” Persy says.
“I want to think it was, or maybe it wasn’t, and I’m just holding on to an illusion.” Autumn’s voice is losing its strength. “At this point, I don’t know if my memories of him were real or fantasies of a girl who had to deal with a lot since she was sixteen. Do I want to…?”
She chokes, or maybe she’s sobbing. I’m not sure what’s happening, and I wish I could get to her so I can protect her from the memories.
“I think there’s a lot I have to think about after this conversation. I don’t know if I want you to air this,” she says.
“We’ll send you the release form, and you can sign it at your leisure, Autumn. The last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable. Though, I want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here.”
She laughs. “Sure, I’ll willingly call you to tell you how much life sucks and how hard it is to keep afloat.”
“I meant off the record.”
After a long pause, Autumn finally speaks, “Thank you.”
When Persy takes off her earpieces, I finally say, “Wow. You know, I’ve been listening to you for years, but I never paid attention to your show until now.”
She arches an eyebrow. “I don’t know how to respond to that.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I tune in every week either at home, work, or…when I drop by. The point is that I never listened closely to them—to you. I get what you’re doing.”
Her eyebrows knit together as she stares at me.
“You’re using your mad counseling skills on her and anyone who dares to call you,” I state.
“I’m what?”
“You were shrinking her,” I insist. “You went from your child emailing to trying to get her to talk about her dead husband. I don’t know how to feel. I mean, maybe you helped her, but you made her feel uncomfortable.”
“I was trying to help.”
“Sure, but at what cost? You made her vulnerable in front of all your listeners. Why would you do that?”
She narrows her gaze, studying me. “Don’t get me wrong, but why are you here?”
“I came to visit,” I say casually.
Her suspicious glare tells me she doesn’t believe me. At this point, I don’t care much about it. I don’t like what she did with Autumn. No one is on the other end of the line ready to hug her and make her feel better after she had to bare her feelings to a stranger. I want to jump on a plane and search for Autumn. I’d take her into my arms and tell her that everything would be fine. I want to soothe her soul because she’s missing her other half.
If I could tell her just one thing, it’d be that no matter how many times the world falls apart, it always falls back together. I’d give her the hope her voice and words just gave me.
I have no idea what I’m going to do with it, but the energy will be enough to continue for a few more beats or years.
“You came to visit?” Persy repeats, chewing on her lip. “Why?”
I’m here for Autumn, but I shouldn’t even think about her. I can’t explain it. There aren’t any answers. What the fuck am I doing here? Her question is like a punch to the gut. The fucking guilt is back like a heavy weight on my shoulders. Thick, polluted air filling my lungs and not allowing me to breathe.
Chapter Nine
Zach
“No offense but you don’t visit us this often, and you happened to be here when you knew I’d be calling Autumn.” She sounds so suspicious I want to get the fuck out of here.
“What are you talking about?” I try to play innocent.
She fucking caught me. How?
“You’re intrigued by Matilda’s calls, aren’t you? Last week’s visit wasn’t a coincidence either.”