She snorts. “That’s putting it mildly.”
“Listen, I understand that everything is against us, but I like to be around you.”
Her smile gives me hope. The same hope she gave me months ago when Persy was on the phone with her. I want to hold on to it, on to her. I don’t want to let her go just yet. “What if…?”
I don’t know how to finish that sentence. We have options, but which one is the right one for her, for us?
Her chin lifts, and she perks up. “If?”
“We both want this, don’t we?”
She nods in slow motion. “Yes, but…”
My heart thunders inside my chest. She wants the same thing I do.
“We keep it between us. I’ll make sure we find time to be together, and no one will ever know about it.”
She sucks on her lip. Seconds pass, though they feel like minutes, even hours. My heart beats fast, waiting for her to reject me or, if God is good to me, agree.
“Okay.”
I pull her into an embrace and kiss her, sealing our deal.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Autumn
What did I get myself into?
My brain begins to short-circuit when Zach St. James is around. I lose my fucking common sense. When he proposed we have some super-secret affair, the answer was no.
No.
It’s pretty simple, Autumn. An N followed by an O.
N. O.
I’m too busy to entertain a relationship. My yes isn’t something set in stone. I should just say, “On second thought, let’s forget about this and just be friends.”
Before I gather some courage, he asks, “Are you sure you don’t want us to pick up Matilda?”
“I appreciate your offer, but there are one too many reasons it’s a bad idea.”
He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Name at least two.”
“For starters, you have a two-seater. The second reason is that her car seat doesn’t fit anywhere.”
Though his attention is on the road, I can see his scowl. “I never thought about it. Next time, I’ll take the Land Rover.”
Of course, he has a Land Rover.
“That’s just one reason, and we can drive back to change cars.”
“We agreed to keep this between us,” I remind him of the most important thing. “If she sees us picking her up together, she’s going to get the wrong idea.”
“Right. I just…it’s a long drive. You didn’t rest much last night.”
Surprisingly, I did, but that’s beside the point that he’s trying to make. Though, his worry and the fact that he’s trying to take care of me melts my heart. Breaking things off with him is going to be too hard. He might make it impossible.
“That’s a sweet offer, but we have to be careful with her. I don’t want her to be a casualty of us, okay?”
He mumbles something that sounds like a yes. He’s almost pouting. I’m never going to have the courage to break things off with him if he’s going to be all swoony and pouty.
We arrive at Silvermoon. He parks his car and walks me toward the underground garage where the employees park their cars. I’m glad my car isn’t the only one. I feel less self-conscious. Before I can open the passenger door, Zach is already doing it for me and extending his hand.
I want to hug him, rest my head on his chest and absorb his heat before I leave. I don’t want to leave him. Now, who’s making things awkward? To lighten up the moment, I say, “This is a weird walk of shame.”
He pulls me toward him. “There’s no shame in what we did.”
He kisses me. I’m starting to get used to his lips, his arms, and his scent. I’m going to miss him tonight. I loved being in his arms. No borders between us. His hard body next to my soft curves. Just two people—two lost souls making sense of this lonely life.
Okay, I might not break this off today. I can wait a few more days or weeks.
He rests his head on my forehead. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, why?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers, and I’m losing you. We’re going to see each other again. Aren’t we?”
“Yes. We’re okay,” I assure him.
“Text me when you arrive home, so I know you guys are safe.”
I caress his cheek. “Thank you for caring.”
I give him one last kiss and walk toward my car. I glance at Zach and find him standing beside his car, watching me. He reminds me of a puppy left behind. It takes all of my power not to ask him to come with me.
I don’t want to second-guess myself, but I’m not sure if I made the right decision. My body says yes, let’s keep doing it, but my soul is unsure about my choice. The logical side of me is yelling that I stop the nonsense. I guess I’ll have to push away my common sense.
Matilda is ready to go when I arrive at Mom’s. I’m guessing spending time with Grams isn’t as fun as it used to be when she was younger.
“How was Grandma’s?” I ask as we drive to the grocery store.
“It was okay.” Her voice sounds deflated.
“Uh-oh. What happened? Did she forget to put chocolate chips in your waffles?”
She doesn’t answer. I glance in the rearview mirror, and she’s pouting.
“Matilda?”
“Her book club friends came over. They were noisy. Today, Mr. Blanch dropped by for a cup of coffee. She didn’t have time for me. There were no waffles.”
“What did you have for breakfast?”
“A bagel without spread. She only had salmon.” She scrunches her nose and makes gagging noises.
Oh, Mom. She swore she canceled her book club meeting. I think she only changed locations to her house. There’s nothing I can say about breakfast. Next time, I might drop off some food, so Mom doesn’t have to cook. Salmon spread is an acquired taste. Mom’s the only one who acquired it in the family.
“I’m sorry, pumpkin.”
“It’s okay. Next week I’m staying with Uncle Aiden and Aunt Miranda.” I adore this kid and her reasoning. She’s always looking for that silver lining or looking forward to the next fun thing.
I grin. “Actually, I have next weekend off.”
Her face brightens. “You do?”
“Yes. We’ll have a lot of fun.”
She claps. “You’re the best mom ever.”
I’m glad Aiden and Miranda are coming back today. Hopefully, they’re home. I doubt Matilda will be able to stand another torturing night at Grandma’s. I make a mental note to text them a reminder that I need them to babysit tonight until eleven.
This is payback for having a night off from my real life. It’s five thirty, and neither Miranda nor Aiden have arrived. I’ve been texting them since noon, and neither one of them has answered. I check on their flight to make sure they’re alive. The plane took off from Cozumel an hour ago, so they won’t get here until midnight. It’s too late to try to find someone to cover for me at the Silvermoon, and I don’t want to call and ask for PTO. I use that time when Matilda has an emergency or when she’s sick.