Drake went through the closet while I looked through the bedside drawer. After digging through too many bottles of pills, I pulled out a padded envelope. It was sealed and addressed, but it had never been sent—to me.
"What's that?" Drake asked.
I held up the envelope. "It looks like Dillon was going to send me something." My pulse raced as I fumbled with the seal. I finally got the envelope open. I pulled out the red-leather journal. There was a sticky note on the top.
I read it aloud. "I think Melanie would want you to have this, Willow, but I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to send it to you, because then I would have to explain what I can't explain. Until then, I'll protect what she left behind. I'm sorry I couldn't save her."
I looked at Drake. His eyes had filled with sadness, Dillon's message was another reminder of the loss.
Drake swallowed hard, then cleared his throat. "Well, we found it."
"We did." I looked at the book. I wanted to open it. I wanted to see her handwriting. I wanted to hear her words. I lifted my gaze to his. "Should we?"
"I don't know, Willow. What do you think?"
I thought for a long moment. "She never let me read anything she wrote. She said one day she might. When she got rich and famous, someone would want to write a book about her and then she'd pull out her diary and it would be part of her story." I suddenly knew what had to happen. "You have to write the book, Drake. You have to tell Melanie's story." I stopped abruptly. "And all my photos…all the ones I took of Melanie—they can be in the book. It can be a story not just about her death but about her life, her sixteen beautiful years of life."
"I don’t know if I can do her justice," he said worriedly.
"If anyone can, you can. We should read her diary. But not here. Let's go down to the beach. That's where she loved to write the most."
Melanie's Diary—August 19th
It has been a crazy day. So many emotions. I haven't written in a few days. I was afraid to put the truth down on paper. Not because I thought someone might read what I wrote, but because I was afraid to face what I've done. What I have to do going forward.
All my dreams have changed. Yesterday, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. We used a condom. Well, we did the first time. The second time was sort of fast and we got carried away. I was stupid. I was even more dumb when I threw the pregnancy test away in the garbage can at my house. I didn't think my dad would go through the outside trash. But he's been looking for evidence against me all summer. I shouldn't have been surprised.
But I was surprised when he took me aside and told me he'd help me raise the baby. I couldn't believe he wasn't yelling. He wasn't threatening to lock me up. He wasn't even that angry. He was just worried. That's when I started to cry. And he hugged me. I can't remember when he last hugged me. It felt so good. It felt like he was my dad again. He loved me. He wanted to protect me. He wanted to take away my pain. He said he'd help me get through it. He even said he wouldn't tell my mom until I was ready.
Of course, he also wanted to know who the father was. I told him I'd tell him after I told the guy, after I knew what I wanted to do. He wasn't happy about that, but he said he'd wait.
So, today I saw Gage. He got really upset. And now I'm crying. I can't seem to stop.
Gage told me to get an abortion. He couldn't be a dad. We couldn't be together. He was worried he was going to get charged for rape because I'm sixteen. He was totally panicked. I told him I wouldn't let that happen, but he ran off. He was so scared. I always thought he was this big, strong, confident guy, but he seemed like a kid today.
I'm sad that he doesn't want the baby. But I don't feel that afraid. Maybe it's having this baby inside of me. It's like I'm suddenly not restless anymore. I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to have a child. My dreams will have to change, but that's okay. I can still be a mom and have dreams. I can still leave my mark on the world. Maybe my baby and I will do it together.
I'm sitting on the beach now with Dillon. I was really sad when he got here. I told him about Gage. I probably shouldn't have, but I had to tell someone, and he was here. Dillon is playing music for me, and it's making me feel better. He's a good friend. I think he likes me. I wish I liked him, but you can't really pick who you like. I never imagined that Gage would ever like me, but he did.
We kind of got together by accident. I've known him for a long time, but we were always in a group of people. But then I started running in the early mornings, and Gage was out on the same trails at the same time. We started talking and running together. We had this relationship that was away from everyone else. He told me things about himself I never imagined, how he felt the pressure of his parents to always be an overachiever, and that sometimes he didn't even really like football. I told him about my dream of traveling the world, being independent, feeling like the sky is the limit, like I could do anything. He said that I made him feel more optimistic, like he could do anything, too.
And then we took our run into this beautiful, shaded cove and we made love. Maybe he would say it was just sex. But it felt like so much more than that to me. We spent half the day there, talking, laughing, kissing, touching. I thought it was the first of many days, but then Gage stopped running that path, and he avoided me when we were in a group.
I think he wanted to pretend it never happened, but this baby makes that impossible.
I want to tell Willow about me and Gage. I've thought about telling her a million times, but I don't think she'll like it. She doesn't care for Gage, and she has good reasons. I just don't want to hear them. I've seen a different side of him than she has. He likes to make fun of her and that's mean, but I think it's just because he puts on an act. Everyone looks to him to be a certain way, so he's that way. He needs to grow up. He needs to be worthy of being the father of my baby. I hope that will happen.
I'm going to tell Willow later tonight when we meet at the falls. I was going to tell her earlier, but she wanted to party with Ben. I don't know who she thinks she's fooling. She's in love with Drake. And I've seen the way he looks at her when he doesn't think she's watching him. He likes her, too. But he's a big college man now. He can't like a high school girl. He's being stupid.
I think something might have happened between them. I wish Willow would tell me, but I'm not telling her about Gage, so I guess I can't blame her. She probably thinks I won't like it because Drake is my brother. I actually really like it. I just don't want Drake to hurt her. Willow has a soft heart, and Drake could break it. I also don't want her to break his heart. Maybe that's why I haven't said anything, either. I could never take one of their sides, because I love them both.
Well, they'll have to figure it out. I hope they can get out of their own way. I hope Gage and I can find a way to at least be friends again. I don't want us to hate each other.
Guess what? I just got a call from Mrs. Chadwick. She said she's with Gage, and he wants to talk to me. She cares a lot about me and wants to make sure that we have a chance to work things out. She sounded really sweet and kind. I'm so glad Gage told her I was pregnant. That's a huge step for him. Now he wants to talk to me. Maybe this will work out after all. Fingers crossed.