Audrey blinked and stared at me in confusion. “You want me to find you a new manager?”
I shrugged as I got on the bike, my helmet in between my hands as I looked at Audrey and there wasn’t any ounce of animosity within me as I did so. “You’re technically an owner of a records company so you must be in contact with good managers. I’m sure you can find us a reliable one.”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Your band has a manager. I don’t know his name but I know that Born from Ashes is managed by someone. He’s the one who had you sign with W&R right? I know how your band rose to where you are now…”
“And he’s also the one who made a deal with Wayland and Ross that they could simply throw away the band and have me signed as a solo artist,” I interrupted her and then let out a bored sigh, “and frankly, I didn’t appreciate that gesture which is why I’d rather have us be managed by someone else. Specifically, one who wouldn’t betray us.”
Audrey regarded me with careful eyes as she went over what I just told her. “Let me get this straight, you’re mad at someone who went behind your back when you did the same thing to your band members when you told W&R to fuck off.”
My eyebrows rose. “They understand why I did what I had to.”
“And will they understand what you’re doing now?”
I’d mentioned to the boys that I was going to fire Pete when I delivered them the bad news. After that, we hadn’t really gotten around to discussing it further because we’d busied ourselves with creating new songs and music. We were making sure we would have enough music to shoot to make videos on YouTube so we would have money to expect within the following month.
Albeit the other members and I had other ways to earn, it didn’t stop us from creating our brand of music like we used to. At the end of the day, music was our root and we went back to it every time.
“I’ve mentioned it to them once. I don’t know if it occurred to them that I am going through with it but like everything else, they will understand.”
Rather than nodding her head and agreeing to what I wanted, Audrey stared at me with disbelief shining in her eyes. “I think it’d be better to discuss this with them before making a decision, Julian. You’ve already made that mistake once and yet you’re willing to do it again.”
This time, I was the one staring at her in disbelief. “That’s not something meant for you to judge as my assistant, Audrey. But if it’s any consolation, I did what I had to because I had to protect our band.”
“And did it ever occur to you that what you had done may have been selfish?”
I had no idea where she was coming from or why she was attacking me like this. I didn’t know how much she knew about the whole situation with Wayland and Ross but I could feel the surge of annoyance flare into anger as I let out a cruel laugh and took a step closer to Audrey. “And didn’t you do the same thing to me five years ago? You made a decision that was supposedly Amber’s call.”
Audrey’s eyes narrowed when I said that and she had the audacity to push me away. “Don’t you dare turn the tables and pin this on me.”
“Why?” I asked, inching closer to her, leaning my upper body towards her until our faces were of close proximity. “You don’t want to see yourself as selfish too?”
“I did it to protect Amber.”
I stood up straighter and shook my head. “Do I look like someone who could murder her?”
“Didn’t you murder her heart?”
I clenched my jaw and then pulled her towards me harshly, narrowing my eyes at her as I glared at her. “I didn’t damage her like that and you know it. Stop pinning her attempt at me. Depression is real, Audrey, and maybe she was depressed at that time.”
“You pushed her to do it.”
“I broke her heart,” I whispered, feeling my own break at the admittance, “but you cannot continue blaming me for your own guilt.”
Her eyebrows furrowed and she harshly- and vainly- tried to pull her hand from my grip. “Stop making up things, Julian.”
My eyes bore into hers and despite the fire in her brown ones, despite the inferno that I could see blazing due to my words, it was no match for the coldness in mine as I delivered another verbal blow. “You know that it’s true, Audrey. You’ve been hating on me to transfer that guilt to someone else, so you could blame someone else when in truth, you’re guilty because even you who was closest to her couldn’t see her falling apart.”
And then slowly, I watched as the tears began to fill her brown eyes and the flame began to dissipate a soft kindling and she pulled her hand from my grip weakly but I let her go, realizing that I may have gone over the line with what I said. “Audrey…I didn’t…I was…”
She swallowed back her tears although they shone brightly in her eyes but refused to let them flow. “You’re impossible, Julian Hudson, as cold-hearted and cruel as everyone had painted you to be. If there was any other way I could solve my problem that didn’t include you, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“Audrey,” I said quietly, trying to reach out to her but she waved me away and then turned around, dropping her helmet on the ground and letting it clatter against the pavement as she began to walk away. “Audrey!”
But Audrey didn’t turn back to look at me and she continued to walk away and I stood there watching, helpless and guilty at the harsh words that I’d pierced her heart with. It wasn’t fair on my part for Audrey to blame me for Amber’s suicide attempt but that never meant I could retaliate her with the same ammunition she was firing. She was guilty and hurt and helpless when it happened and had directed her anger at me because I broke Amber’s heart at that time. It wasn’t fair but I was taught better than fighting fire with fire but that was exactly what I did right now.
And I watched as Audrey disappeared, leaving me with guilt that seemed to pull at the heartstrings of my heart, tugging and pulling and making me want to run after her if only my pride and ego allowed me to.
But more than that, an overwhelming desire to hug her tight until I could fix all her broken pieces that I felt she had kept hidden for so long.
8
Audrey
Screw Julian Hudson. He could rot in hell for all I care.
I threw my bag on the sofa of my house and then headed to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine to calm my nerves. It was a good thing that I didn’t run into any of the other members of the band or Bonnie when I picked up my car from their house and it was fortunate that I had parked outside and had my keys with me so I didn’t really have to come in. All I wanted was to head home and submerge myself in the bathtub with scented candles burning and the water turning the color of whatever bath bomb I put in because I needed to relax after that argument with Julian.
I will never, for the life of me, understand how any girl could fall in love with someone as infuriating as him. I could understand why he had fans considering that fans create an image of their idols to themselves and sometimes aren’t able to see past that idea, no matter how much the truth could slap them on the face. It could be considered as a delusion but I couldn’t really blame them. Julian’s attractive and has an even attractive voice so it’s understandable why they would go crazy for him.