“Listen to me.” He grabbed her arm. “I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I wish to God I hadn’t been such a coward. But I couldn’t take another second under this roof. My girl was gone, and I didn’t know why. I was broken by it, no less than you. We should have been comforting each other, but you went somewhere into yourself, and I couldn’t reach you. I hurt every bit as much as you did. I missed her every bit as much. But you acted as if you were the lone victim, like no one else’s pain mattered. My pain mattered. It still matters, just as much as yours.”
Liddy inhaled sharply. Had she questioned Jim’s right to the same agonizing pain she’d felt after their daughter’s death? Had she ever considered what he’d been going through? She honestly didn’t remember asking him how he felt. Had she even cared, or was he right in thinking she’d been oblivious to the fact that he was in pain, too?
She couldn’t give him an honest answer because she didn’t remember.
“Maybe you’re right. I’m sorry, but I don’t remember much of those first months after she died. I look back and all I see of my life is a big black bottomless hole. I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were in a bottomless pit of your own. I’m sorry you feel I didn’t care about your pain. Maybe I didn’t if I’m to be honest. Maybe I couldn’t. I’m sorry if I drove you away. I just wish you’d told me why.”
“I’d tried for weeks, months, that entire year before I left. When I realized I was never going to get through to you, I didn’t feel I had a choice. We should have been holding each other up instead of quietly watching the other sink.”
“You realize this is a conversation we should have had long ago. When it would have mattered.”
“You don’t think it matters now?”
“Only in the same way it would matter to know why Jess killed herself. She’d still be gone, but at least we’d know why.” Her voice had fallen to a whisper. “It still haunts me that I don’t know why.”
“It torments me, too. It always will, because the chances of us finding out . . .” Jim stood slowly, as if standing stressed every bone in his body. He went into the kitchen and rinsed his coffee mug and put it into the dishwasher. When Liddy came into the room, he turned to her and said, “I meant what I said. I still love you. I always will.”
Did she still love him? She didn’t know.
She followed him to the front door and opened it. He stood with his hand on the doorknob and turned to her. Without warning, he took her in his arms and kissed her the way he had a million times over the course of their marriage. She waited for the zing she used to feel when he kissed her like that, but it just wasn’t there. She pulled away from him sadly.
“Could we try again, Lids? Just think about it. Think about all we had before Jess . . . before we lost her.”
When she did not respond, he pulled away from her slowly, his arms withdrawing reluctantly.
“I’ll be in touch.” He went down the steps and got into his car. She heard the engine start, saw him wave before he backed out of the driveway. He tooted the horn once, then drove off.
Liddy stood in the doorway, feeling gutted. She closed the door, locked it, then turned off the outside light.
Chapter Fourteen
Grace loved working, loved the eye-catching, informative websites she created for her clients, and loved helping customers at Wyndham Beach Reads find the perfect book. She’d never considered a job in retail, but she loved it. Who knew?
But this Thursday morning, she was grateful to be off for three days. Natalie and Daisy were coming for the weekend, and Grace couldn’t wait to see her sister, cuddle her niece, and spoil her the way only an aunt could do, and show Nat her little house. The sale had gone through quickly and easily that very morning. Oh, she and Liddy had haggled over the price. Grace knew the property was worth many times more than what she was asking, but Liddy had set her price, and wasn’t going to take a penny more.
“You do realize how backward this is, right?” Grace had said. “Usually the buyer is trying to get the seller to take less, not more.”
“I don’t care. My way or the highway,” Liddy had replied.
“I feel guilty, like I’m cheating you.”
“You’re not. If anyone is cheating me, it’s me. So just stop. I don’t have to sell it to you.”
“You wouldn’t sell that place to anyone but me, and you know it,” Grace had countered.
“I could, or I could simply keep it. Are you willing to call my bluff?” Liddy had raised an eyebrow, challenging Grace, who’d had to admit Liddy looked steely eyed and resolute.
So Liddy had gotten her price, and Grace had gotten the house she’d been designing and redesigning in her head for weeks. She couldn’t wait to tell Linc—and she hadn’t.
“Linc, it’s Grace. Grace Flynn. Please give me a call when you get a minute.” She’d left a voice mail message on his cell phone as soon as she got into her car after she’d left the settlement table.
When she got to the house—her house!—she’d parked on the grass, where she’d decided she wanted proper parking for at least two cars, preferably in the same macadam she was going to use in the driveway. She stood in front of the house and pictured the front porch and the shutters and the window boxes as she’d described to Linc. She could see it in her mind’s eye, and couldn’t wait to see the vision become reality.
At the sound of a vehicle in the driveway, she turned around to see Linc’s truck coming toward her slowly. He parked next to her and got out, and her heart flipped in her chest.
“How’d you know I was here?” she asked as he approached.
“I ran into your mother when I stopped for lunch, and she told me as of eleven this morning, this little bundle of sticks was all yours. Then I heard your message. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.” He stood next to her and studied the house much as she had done. “So how does it feel?”
“Amazing. Honestly, I’m so happy I don’t know what to do with myself.” She held the key in her hand and flipped it from one palm into the other. “Want to come in?”
“Sure. I have to watch the time, though. I need to get back to work.” Linc followed her into the house.
Grace went from room to room, opening all the windows. “I love the way it smells here when the windows are all open.”
“It does blow out the scent of the ages.”
Grace laughed. “Are you saying my house smells bad?”
“All old houses that have been closed up for a while have a certain smell. Not necessarily bad,” Linc said diplomatically before adding, “Then again, not necessarily good.”
“Well, I expect you to banish whatever odors there may be when you get down to business here.” Her eyes were shining, and for a moment she caught him looking at her as if he liked what he saw. Then in seconds, poof! It was gone.
Interesting. And curious.
“I’ll do the best I can.” He turned away and walked to the window on the right side of the front room. “You know, I was thinking you might like to have that screened-in porch we talked about . . .”