There has to be a better way.
Or else I’m going to be in way more serious trouble with that man around.
Knox is the real threat.
Fifteen
Gigi
* * *
It feels a bit odd as I slick a mauve coat of my Fenty lip paint across my lips and stare at the woman in the mirror. Who is she?
You’re a woman who’s just been thoroughly kissed by a guy who you’ve claimed to have hated for half of your life.
In other words, I’m a fraud.
And over the last hour, I’ve decided not to kick Knox out just yet because I’m curious. I want to ride with him on his bike just once to see how it will feel, if I can ever get dressed. It's taking me over thirty minutes to decide whether or not to wear a bra. Like most women, I hate them. They cut into the sides of my boobs and pinch my back, but I’m going to be riding on the back of Knox’s bike for who knows how long, and after the way my body responded to what happened between us earlier should my bare nipples really be pressed against those powerful trapezoid muscles?
Maybe I need to get out of my head. I’m overthinking this whole thing as if it’s some sort of date. It’s not. We had one kiss because I was super emotional about what happened with Ben. Knox doesn’t want me. I’m like a little sister to him. Plus we’re like oil and water. We simply don’t mix.
All of this overthinking prompts me to call Matthew. I decide to put aside the fact that he hasn’t called me in days and reach out to him. At best, I can figure out why he’s giving me the cold shoulder and at worst I’ll get the closure that I need to move on from him. To my surprise, he picks up on the first ring.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Matt."
“Gigi?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh, hey.”
"Long time no hear or see. I thought I'd call because I haven’t talked to you in a while,” I say awkwardly. “And I’m just wondering why. Are you angry with me? Did I do something?”
“No, I’ve just been really busy at work. You know how it is.”
He doesn’t sound excited at all to hear from me, but he doesn’t sound angry either. He simply sounds indifferent, and that my friends is the kiss of death to any relationship. Matt doesn’t give a shit.
“Yeah, I know.”
There’s a long pause, and then Matt speaks again.
“In fact, I’m about to meet a coworker for a drink in a little while. Can we catch up another time?”
Wow.
“Is this coworker a woman?”
“It’s not like that, Gigi. It’s just… I can’t talk right now. I shouldn’t have even picked up the phone knowing I didn’t have time to chat.”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
“Let’s be honest and admit what we both know. I don’t think that you and I have anything in common, Gigi. It just didn’t work.”
“We were fine a few days ago.”
“Things change.”
“I guess they do,” I try saying without an attitude. It’s hard when you’re being dumped though. My ego’s been bruised. “Well, have a good night, Matt.”
“You as well.”
He ends the call so formally that I know I’ll never hear from him again, which is just as well, because a part of me is relieved.
I can stop pretending.
I try to act casually when Knox unlocks the front door by sitting on the couch (his makeshift bed) and zipping on my favorite brown leather booties.
His mood is darker since he left earlier and his hand is wrapped in a bloody bandage. All kinds of thoughts run through my head about what may or may not have happened between him and Ben, but at least he’s home safe and in one piece.
“You ready?”
His question is low and gritty and it’s crystal clear to me from his tone that this isn’t the time to ask questions about what happened with Ben, so I leave it for later.
“Yes.”
We drive to the lot where the bike is parked and once I see it; I realize that it really is a beautiful machine. Sleek, dark and powerful like Knox. There’s room for two, but I will definitely have to hold on tightly to him. He hands me a helmet and I shove it on top of my head, stuffing the curls in the back.
Knox gets on first, and then I climb up behind him.
“Hold on tighter,” he orders, so I spread my thighs wider and scoot my center closer against his back, wrapping my arms around his waist.
I’m actually kind of glad I didn’t wear the bra. This feels good. And when he starts the bike, the loud rumble of the engine sends a deep vibration through my distressed Abercrombie jeans, forcing the seam to press me right at my core.
We ride for over thirty blissful minutes, leaving the Pennsylvania State line, and arriving at a small amphitheater in a small town in South Jersey. It’s clear they’re preparing for a show although I don’t see many people sitting in the audience.
I lift my helmet off and dismount from the bike.
“Where are we?” I ask, hoping his mood has gotten a little better after our long journey on the highway.
“It’s a local production of Wicked.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah.”
“You remembered that one of my favorite musicals is Wicked?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs his shoulders as if it’s no big deal that he remembers, but to me, it's a huge deal. “I remember most things.”
I realize that I often choose to dwell in the time of our lives when Knox and I were pitted against each other once our parents assigned him as my pseudo big brother, but I also need to remember that for more time than not we were also friends. Admittedly, if there’s one person who knows the most about me–it’s Knox. He's always been there.
“How did you find this place?”
“I asked a friend. This was the closest choice to see a full production outside of us driving all the way to New York.”
“It’s a shame that there aren’t more people here to see the performance.”
“It’s a dress rehearsal. The show doesn’t open for another two weeks I think.”
“Oh.”
Knox walks to the theatre’s box office, where he chats with a young woman who points us in the direction of where we can sit. After we take our seats, Knox takes off his driving gloves and I can’t help but stare at the soiled bandage. I don’t say a word but simply slide one of my hands in his, making sure to not touch the wounded area. Whatever happened, I know it was in defense of me and that's all I need to know.
“Have you ever seen Wicked?” I ask him.
He stares at our clasped hands and then back at me.
“No, but I’m glad the first time I’m seeing it is with someone who loves it.”
I smile and rest my head on his shoulder.
“You’re going to love it too.”
After a long pause, Knox speaks again. “I’m sorry, Gigi. I realize it hasn’t been easy having me disrupt your life like this, especially because it’s almost like we’re getting to know each other all over again. God knows if the shoe were on the other foot I wouldn’t like it either.”