After Uncle Cutter walks out of the library, there are a million things running through my mind to say to Knox, but I’m stuck on which to say first. I can feel the fury rolling off of him like gamma rays and I know why he's angry.
“Knox.”
“Don’t say a fucking word, Gigi.”
“My Uncle just walked in on us. What did you want me to say?”
“You just lied to your favorite uncle straight to his face.”
“Now who’s being dramatic.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t dismiss what’s going on between us like it’s just some casual bullshit. I didn’t just fuck you, Gigi. You’re not just some casual lay for me.”
“Shhh!” I try quieting him as he raises his voice.
“I don’t fucking understand you.”
“He took me by surprise, Knox. I didn’t know what to say.”
“The other day you said I was your boyfriend, but when backed into a corner, your first reaction is to deny that there is anything between us, as if I mean absolutely fucking nothing to you? That was a shitty thing to do.”
Knox heads for the door, and I grab him from behind wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head into the wall of muscles in his back.
“Wait, I’m sorry.”
He stands still and I can feel him trying to hold on to his composure. Under his breath, I hear him softly counting down.
"Five, four, three, two, one."
Finally he speaks. “You hurt me, Gigi, and I can’t continue to allow you to have this sort of power over me. I feel out of control and that's never a good thing for me, so I’m done. I’ll be out of your house and your life by the end of the night.”
“You don’t mean that.”
He can't possibly mean it.
“Uncle Cut was actually right. We crossed a line. This thing of ours can’t continue or we’re going to end up hating each other and I wouldn't want that.”
"This thing of ours?"
"You know what I mean."
Panic floods my bloodstream.
"You told me I was yours. That I belonged to you," I say desperately.
I squeeze Knox tighter and apologize again. I need him to hear me. He's not listening.
“I’m sorry.”
He sighs heavily. “Let me go, Gigi.”
My chest tightens and my eyes water. I feel like I'm falling down a bottomless sinkhole.
"But…you took my virginity."
His head drops but he says nothing. It's as if he regrets everything that's happened between us.
“I’ll go out there and tell them all that we’re together,” I promise in desperation. "I'll tell them!"
“Gigi, we made a mistake.”
“I am not a mistake!” I yell as he pries my arms from around his waist.
As he exits the door, I yell it again, but this time I end up sobbing.
“I am not a mistake,” I say through choking sobs.
I don’t know how much time it takes me to get myself together, but once I do, I exit the library and into the kitchen where my parents, aunts and uncles are standing around the kitchen island. Knox is gone, and I can feel Uncle Cutter’s piercing gaze on me the whole time.
“Knox told us you weren’t feeling well, Gigi.” My mom comes over and puts the back of her hand on my forehead. “Your head is cool. What hurts? You want to spend the night at home and I take care of you like the old days?”
As angry as he is with me, Knox is still protecting me.
I squeeze my mom around her waist and cuddle with her like I did when I was a little girl and needed consoling.
“Yes.”
She smiles at my answer. “When we get home, I’ll make you some tea. What do you have a sore throat? Stomach ache?”
I don’t even know if there’s a special enough brew to cure what ails me–a broken heart.
Twenty-Four
Knox
* * *
My father and I are driving down to see my brothers at the University of Delaware. It’s about an hour’s drive and we use it to catch up with each other since I've seen little of him since I’ve been back in town.
“Kat is chomping at the bit to have you come back down to Florida,” he tells me.
“She called you?”
“We were talking about a client and she asked how you enjoyed being home which was code for when is Knox coming back?”
“I never really gave her any specifics about this visit. She doesn't like not knowing what my plan is. It's funny, I think you two have a lot in common.”
“You must have been doing your thing down there for her to be acting like this.”
“Yeah, I guess so. She liked how I handled certain clients.”
“Did you have to knock some heads around down there?” He asks and I think he's almost afraid to hear the answer. If I had to guess, I think my father is conflicted about having me in the family business.
“A little bit, but not that much. Aunt Kat says I have the gift of persuasion, which makes her life a lot easier. Less complications. Less clean up.”
“Understood. I could probably use a little of that magic dust you possess up here too if you decide to stay. Your Uncle Cutter is usually my persuader, but he’s busy with other projects right now. It could be the perfect fit for you. You know, if that's what you want to do.”
I think about how torturous it would be for me to live in the same city as Gigi. I couldn't do it and not be with her.
“I haven’t lived in Philly for a long time, Dad. I think my life might be back in Miami.”
I keep checking the screen of my phone to see if Gigi has tried calling me but she hasn’t. I don’t know if I’m sad about it or fucking pissed.
“Your uncle tells me that Gigi was in some sort of danger at work.”
My head pops up and over to my father who’s at the wheel.
“Who told him that?”
“Gigi told him.”
Dammit, she threw me under the bus again. I was supposed to be the one to tell my uncle about Jake but she begged me not to.
“He was planning on talking to you about it at the meeting last night but you left.”
“I handled it,” I assure my father. “She’s fine.”
“You handled it, but you didn’t tell any of us about it? I taught you better than that, Knox. We don’t keep things from each other in this line of work. Secrets can get you killed.”
“It wasn't a dangerous situation and she didn’t want me to say anything. She knew Aunt Jade would have made her come home. I had to respect that.”
“So, you listened to the client instead of sticking to the code of this work?”
“She’s not a client, Dad. It’s Gigi.”
“I don’t give a good goddamn who it was. I sent you to that apartment to protect her.”
“And I did!”
I slam my fist against the body of the passenger side door.
“What’s going on, Knox?” Dad asks in an accusatory manner.