“Time’s wasting.”
She sighed. My chest tightened at that. Five years ago, I’d have worshipped the ground she walked on. Five years ago, I’d have apologized. Five years ago, I respected women and didn’t treat them like nothing.
A lot could change in five years.
Me, that changed the most.
My soul escaped me on the floor of her apartment, killing my innocence with it. It grabbed my heart, smashed it in front of me, and then it expected me to not feel hollow.
“I’m getting married in five weeks, Toland. I wanted to see you before, to invite you to the wedding. Or something.”
“Or something,” I mocked. “Does your little fiancé know you sucked your nephew’s cock like it was your last supper?”
“Toland,” she gasped, her voice actually reflecting scandal. Interesting. Did little demon turn into a goody two-shoes?
“I’m guessing that’s a no.”
“Please, let’s just have dinner. I want you to meet him.”
I scoffed, wanting to reach through the phone and force her to not be stupid. Maybe she did fall in love while I was gone. She always had a penchant for love and the silly connotations men offered when they wanted to wet their dicks.
“Fine, when?” I barked, feeling that itchiness rise over my skin again.
“Tonight...”
“Of all fucking nights, Andy, really?” It worsened, my skin tightening, making it tingle with each breath.
“It’ll be good to distract myself.”
“You’ve done that for five years, Andy. Why change it now?” I hissed, feeling the bitter resentment follow my kindness out the fucking door. She could have tried, could have fought for me. Anything other than staying away. I knew she did it for me, but she didn’t even try.
“Stop being a dick, Madden. Just have Royce bring you over.”
“Yeah. I’ll see,” I scoffed, scratching my arms as if I could ease the discomfort clinging to me.
“Please?”
Her pleas wouldn’t work on me. Not anymore. “Bye, Andy.”
“Bye—”
I hung up before she could get more responses from me. She made me volatile. When my parents died, she abandoned me just as much as they did. She took from me just like the fucking world did. I could have stayed, I could have tried, but she didn’t look for me or fight for us.
It wouldn’t be so fucking easy to get me back to the kind Madden—if there was anything left of that kid, anyway.
I'd never been an asshole on purpose before, it seemed to only come out of me when she was involved—or my past in any shape or form, it seemed.
Everything changed drastically between us. I didn’t really remember where it transformed, but my feelings for her went from familial to sexual, and then we broke the rules over and over again.
Tonight, I'd either rectify those unwarranted thoughts or I’d fuck us both up forever.
My dick said one thing while my lack of emotion said another.
Chapter Seventeen
Feel Nothing – The Plot in You
Madden
It took me an hour to shower and amp myself up for tonight. I’d be meeting some dude who would never be enough for her. No one could ever rise to the occasion for Andy. Least of all another fucking Chad.
I didn’t know his name but it could be that for all I fucking cared and it wouldn’t change the facts. She was too good for them all.
Layering myself, covering my tattoos, my normal outfit, and bringing a change of shoes, I left. Like always, paparazzi scattered out around my building. Yes, building.
Royce said he’d meet me in the underground garage like he usually did when my place was found out. It wasn’t a shock, I’d left that Angel chick unaccompanied. She probably got paid to tell them. Now, I’d have to relocate.
While I only lived in the penthouse of this condominium, I owned the entire building. It was great having something all to myself. A safe haven of sorts. Luckily, my staff were pretty good, willing to hide my proclivities. At least, when I warned them.
Right now, with a mask on, a beanie, and different clothes, no one spotted me leaving. Fortunately, there were a lot of people nearby, distracting the vultures.
I made it to the underground parking garage, finding Royce waiting for me. In the years I tried hiding from him and the rest of the people I cared for, he found me. After evading him the first few months following their death, I stopped trying. He was insistent on babysitting.
He protected me much like when I was a kid, but even more so on their death anniversaries. The sharks always wanted an interview on this day. Like I really fucking needed a reminder of what happened five years ago.
They are dead.
Accept it.
We drove down the coastline, watching as the sky grayed with turmoil. Andy’s wasn’t far, but Royce took the long way to avoid followers and to appreciate the way the sun hit on this time of day. This time of year was my favorite in California. The winds were a little bitter, the skies sad and filled with clouds, and the possibility of rain imminent.
It was peaceful.
Not to the world, but definitely to me.
As soon as we arrived, Royce checked for any stragglers.
“It’s clear,” he confirmed, nodding at me. There was a silent plea from him, for me to follow his lead and let him be here for me.
I didn’t know what to tell him so I saluted as we parted ways, heading up. My stomach burned with intense nervous energy. It swallowed me whole while also making me very aware that I missed her.
You’d think I’d be unbothered after spending five years running. But I didn’t run because I hated her or wanted her gone. I’d lost myself, and instead of following me into the ocean as my own ship, she sailed away. Forsaking me too.
I seldomly allowed myself to be sober enough to think of Andy, it only brought pain.
Did she miss me?
Shaking my head, I refused to go there. Those emotions were mine and mine alone. Being nearly nineteen and confused as fuck was exactly where I was five years ago. Now, I'd grown a bit, allowing myself to detox from the sickness I somehow manifested.
She moved forward; I took a thousand steps back.
I knocked several times, my fist hitting the door as if it offended me. Time seemed to stop as the door unlatched and opened.
I was early. An hour, to be exact.
When her eyes met mine, though, the stress seeped from her and in place nostalgia hit. She wasn't the same Andy from five years ago. Her eyes, the same cinnamon and honey, were foggy, like life stole the glimmer of happiness from them. Her hair, which was once shorter and pinecone brown with layers of coloring and a unique copper tint, was nowhere in sight.
Now, she stood her normal height, but her hair was like cotton candy and rainbows and long as fuck. It reflected this rainbow prism but also seemed purple-y in color too.
Her mouth mirrored a little 'O' as she took me in. I didn't look like me right now. But her... she didn't look like herself either. You don’t know who the fuck she is anymore.
She wore a red crop top with polka dots. It ruffled around her chest, accentuating her features. Her white skirt caught my eyes as she turned away, the little slits revealing her inked thighs. She waved me in as she walked away.
“Need to change,” I mentioned, lifting my bag. She eyed me, and then understanding hit her.