“You have no idea how much it was my absolute pleasure.”
Rowan squeezed my shoulder. “You guys done?”
“Yes.” Tanner signaled for the waitress, who had given us a wide berth after leaving our food with us, and she rushed over.
“It’s on the house.”
Tanner scrunched up his face. “What?”
Rowan muttered under his breath. “Fuck.”
“It’s on the house. Tell your fathers that we did that, okay? That my father said you always eat here for free. Okay?” The woman had to be forty years old, graying, and she walked with a limp, but right then, I would swear she would run a marathon to get away from us. Sprint to Alaska, if she had to.
Tanner sat forward. “No, I’m going to pay.”
“Tanner.” Rowan rose. “Nothing to do. Trust me. I know. I get it. I hate it too. I thought that we were all past this, but sometimes, it rears its head. We can go spend at Wanda’s. They love to take our cash.”
He put out his hand. “Come on. You’ll come with me. Tanner will cool off in the car and meet us over there.”
My dinner date rose slowly. “I’m fine. I’ll take her.”
“I think you need a break first.” Rowan shook his head. “Come on, Maci. Let’s go.”
I rose but didn’t move. I didn’t know what was happening, why they hadn’t gotten to pay, or why it made Tanner so upset. It had to be one of those things I couldn’t know, or they would’ve explained it. Still, he was back to hurting, just like in the parking lot. I hated it. I’d always been able to feel other people’s pain acutely. It was one of the reasons my mother was such a constant drain on me. Maybe I was just naturally sensitive, or maybe I spoke to so few people that the ones I did found a way to dig into my soul and stay there deeply.
I didn’t know. It didn’t matter right then. The situation really upset him. Before I could overthink it or get scared, I kissed him. It was a light press of my lips to his, but when he caught his breath, I deepened the pressure. Tanner lifted his hand, and using the back of my hair, pulled me even closer. For a good minute, we kissed, standing right there.
I pulled back. “How’d I do?”
He breathed hard. “So fucking good.”
I smiled at him. “Guess I was wrong about what I would and wouldn’t do.”
He cupped my cheek. “Well, if we’d had two more seconds alone, I would have admitted I’ve never kissed anyone, either. So I guess we both just had our first kiss. Right here. In this restaurant.”
With an audience. My cheeks heated up. What seemed spontaneous sort of seemed more voyeuristic than anything else. I turned slowly. Although I expected Rowan to be annoyed at the whole thing, he leaned against a table with the smallest of smirks on his face. “Ready?”
I guessed I was. “I’ll see you at…Wanda’s?” It took a second for me to remember the name. Maybe my head was muddled from very publicly kissing Tanner.
He nodded. “Wouldn’t miss it. I’ll go…calm down, even though the last thing I’m feeling right now is angry. Maybe it’s more about Rowan getting Maci time. That’s fine. I’ll see you in about ten minutes, as long as you’re fine with that.”
Was I? This obviously felt like a date, which was why I’d kissed him. But it wasn’t, not really. They—through Tanner—had been very clear about that. We were friends who occasionally kissed, I guessed. And now, one of the other friends wanted me to go with him instead of Tanner. Rowan, with his blue eyes and long blond hair. The one with the faraway look in his eyes, like he wanted to be somewhere else, always. Only, as he looked at me, I didn’t see it. Rowan really did want to be right where he was.
He put out his hand, and I linked our fingers together. They always asked that way. An offer…and I had to meet it with my own acceptance. If I didn’t link us, it didn’t happen. I forced my thoughts back to the present.
Rowan was quiet as we left the restaurant, and I tried not to notice the way that a group of grownups standing outside vaping went completely silent when we passed. One of them actually took a step back.
We were teenagers. What did they think was going to happen to them when we walked by? Yeah. I was more and more on the mafia train. They were from some sort of families that were threatening or something. I had to dwell on this for a while.
Rowan had an SUV, and like Tanner’s car, when I got in it, I knew right away it was a newer model car. The smell gave it away before I even noticed all the gadgets that made it seem more like a game machine than a car. My car turned on sometimes, drove forward, and in reverse. This one might sprout wings and go to the moon, if he asked it to try.
He hadn’t moved the car, but instead seemed to be regarding me. “Are you okay?”
I tried to figure out the best answer to give him. “I told Tanner I am bound to do about four things a night that are weird. If I’m acting off, you can just add it to the tally.”
“Just four? I’m much more than that.”
Rolling my eyes seemed the right thing to do. “I doubt that very much. You don’t seem like the weird type to me.”
He put the car on and backed out of the space. “See? Looks can be deceiving. I do plenty of weird things. Like, I know you know about the fire incident.”
“Everyone knew about that. I don’t hear a lot of gossip, but that was even repeated to me in the library. It’s a big deal when the king of the school sets things on fire.”
He side-eyed me and then smirked. “What makes me the king of the school? I don’t even talk to anyone, other than the guys and now you. I keep to myself. I’m not the king of anything, not even my own life.”
That was an interesting diversion technique. He completely didn’t answer my question. But I wanted to know why he wasn’t the king of his own life. “Rowan, why did you set that dumpster ablaze, all the other small things you lit up, and why aren’t you the king of your own life?”
Run on sentence for the win to get both my questions asked. He groaned. “You don’t let things go, even if you’re quiet about it. I see that now. And I brought it up, anyway. That’ll teach me to think I can get away with anything. Um, I set that stuff on fire because I was half out of my mind. I don’t really know why that was, except it happens to me sometimes. Like, I’m suddenly just filled with rage. It’s a family trait, unfortunately. I’m not dangerous to you or anything. I swear it. I just…had to light that dumpster up right at that moment.”
I stared at him. Well, at least he was honest. I liked honesty—loved it, even. I went dark sometimes. Maybe we all did. Or whatever. I barely had time to think about that kind of stuff most of the time. “Are you feeling like you want to spark something up right now?”
He shook his head. “Absolutely not. In fact, I’ve been feeling really calm the last few days.”
“I have to be crazy to sit here listening to you and not demand you pull over and let me out. I mean…you’ve just said that you feel the need to burn things.”
Rowan winced and nodded. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted that. I will, if you want, but we’re almost there. You can always have one of the other guys bring you home after we get there, if I make you nervous.”