I nodded, smiling my thanks and trying not to let my mind stray back to the search for Airlie. There was too much to do here at the Guild first. Once we were safely underway, I could commit my full attention to finding my sister.
The four of us parted with equal expressions of abstraction, all absorbed in thinking about the upcoming tour, no doubt. But on my way toward my room, I glanced through the windows into Evermund’s suite. The sight that greeted me made me halt and shake my head. Pulling the door open, I joined him in the enormous sitting room.
“Are you trying to make my life difficult?” I asked with a laugh.
“What?” he said in a distracted tone before glancing my way. “Oh, Cadence, it’s you. I don’t suppose you’ve seen my book on tidal forces along the southern coast?” He looked down at the books gripped in each hand, as if hoping one of them might suddenly turn into the missing volume.
When I didn’t reply he looked up, a grin spreading across his face at my expression. “No? Fair enough. It’s just that we’ll be traveling along the coast during the tour, and I thought—” He cut himself off. “Never mind that.”
His dismayed expression as he looked around at the mess of books on the floor made it appear as if he was only noticing it for the first time. “Are you sure you’re willing to pack for me? I realize I’m not helping the task. I can always ask for some servants to be assigned the job instead.”
The note of uncertainty in his voice at the mention of enlisting servants made me shake my head briskly. I owed a lot to Evermund for taking me in after Airlie’s disappearance, and packing his disorganized possessions was the least I could do.
“Do you have a list of the books you want to take?” I asked.
“A list?” He winced. “That would be a good idea, wouldn’t it?”
“Let’s make one now.” I rummaged through the mess of the room, emerging with a piece of parchment and a pen. Sitting at the table in the window corner, I looked at him expectantly. “I’m sure you have a mental list, at least. You name them, and I’ll jot them down. I expect I’ll locate them all in the process of cleaning up this mess.”
He winced again. “I always thought I didn’t have time for an apprentice, but now I’m starting to think it’s quite the other way around.”
I rolled my eyes, refraining from pointing out that he didn’t do any actual teaching as the law would require if I was truly his apprentice. What he needed was a personal secretary. I was glad he didn’t have one, though. I appreciated the opportunity to be useful in some way during my stay with him.
It was the role Airlie would have filled if she was still here, and doing it made me feel close to her.
Or better than her—because you’re here and she’s not, a nasty voice in my mind said. For once you’re the helpful sister.
I frowned and pushed the tip of the pen down harder, nearly puncturing the page. That was old resentments talking. I wanted nothing more than for my sister to be home safe and ready to take back the role that belonged to her. And not just as Evermund’s apprentice—I looked forward to handing back responsibility for monitoring the Guild to her as well.
Maybe then I could get a good night’s sleep.
My hand stilled, the scratch of the pen quieting. How could I think about anything but the danger Airlie might be in right now? Was this how she had always felt? As if the crushing weight of her responsibility for me robbed her of the ability to breathe freely?
My words from the ball repeated through my mind as they had all too often in the last months. I had spoken in thoughtless anger when I told her I would be better off without her around. I hadn’t really meant it, and I’d assumed she would know that—at least once we both cooled down.
But was it possible she had taken me seriously? Aloud, I’d been steadfastly refusing to even consider the possibility Airlie might have left by choice. But in the darkest depths of my mind, I worried that maybe she had. She would never have left because of a handsome face, but perhaps she’d been driven away by me—the sister she had spent her whole life trying to protect.
Was it my fault the Guild had been left unprotected that night?
I took a deep breath and forced my hand to continue writing. It didn’t matter what I had said at the dance. I had never been the one holding Airlie responsible for anything—she was the one who held herself to such an unflagging standard. And no outburst of hurt or temper by me had ever changed that.
She hadn’t left by choice. I was sure of it.
Mostly.
Chapter 5
Cadence
The list of books Evermund considered essential for a tour through the kingdom turned out to be astonishingly long, and it took me several days to track them all down. I eventually located the missing book on ocean tides under my own bed.
“Yes!” I cried as I slithered backward across the plush green carpet, only to bump my head on the edge of the wooden frame.
“Ow!” I rubbed at the sore spot as I emerged to find Zeke in the doorway, watching me with a bemused expression.
“Under the bed is a favored reading location is it?” he asked.
I laughed. “This isn’t my book. It’s one of Evermund’s that’s been missing.”
“And you thought of looking for it under your bed? That’s admirable dedication to the search.”
I grimaced. “I’d looked absolutely everywhere else in the entire suite. And then I remembered that before Airlie moved in here, Evermund used this room as a study—a very messy study. And the servants brought her bed in before they finished moving all his books out. So I thought it was worth a look,” I concluded, on a triumphant note.
“Very impressive deduction,” Zeke said approvingly. “I’m glad you haven’t been bored in my absence.”
I bristled. “It might not be the most important task, but at least it gives me something to do.”
Zeke shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re far from unimportant, Cadie. You’re the one monitoring the safety of everyone in the Guild. They might not know it, but I haven’t forgotten.”
I turned away slightly to gather some things from my bedside table, hiding the rising flush in my cheeks. After months of studying together, he called me Cadie regularly now, with the ease of frequent interaction between us. But I still hadn’t entirely mastered my reaction to him. It didn’t matter how many times my sensible mind reminded my heart that Zeke’s attentiveness to me almost certainly had to do with his particular interest in power mages. After a lifetime spent in Airlie’s shadow, I couldn’t help responding to his concentrated attention.
“We rarely see any of you Triumvirate apprentices at meal times,” I said once I had mastered myself enough to turn back around. “The whole Guild is abuzz with preparations for the tour. I can only imagine the palace is even worse.”
“It is. You can’t move without tripping over someone rushing in the opposite direction. I’ll be glad when the whole thing’s done.”
I bit my lip, not meeting his eye as we strolled out into the garden together. Zeke’s two year apprenticeship to the head of the Tartoran plants affinity would finish during the tour. He would graduate and then return to his tribe with his mother. He might look forward to the end of the tour, but I was dreading it.