“But I couldn’t leave. Everyone would have been in danger without someone to monitor for…” My voice trailed off, a flush rising on my cheeks. “Oh. I see what you mean.”
He laughed softly before turning serious again. “I’m not saying Airlie’s had it easy—at the Guild or in your old life. But at least she’s always been recognized for her efforts. It’s easier to bear the burden of responsibility when you’re the acknowledged leader. But you’ve borne the same weight without a single bit of recognition or assistance. To me that’s even more admirable.”
I detached one hand from his back to briefly cup his cheek, marveling at the feel of his rough skin beneath my fingers.
“You’re forgetting,” I whispered. “I’ve never been unrecognized. And I’ve always had you to assist me.”
He turned his head and brushed his lips against my palm in the softest of caresses. A shiver ran over my skin, and he pulled me tighter.
With great strength of will, I forced myself to return my hand to his back, pulling away the slightest bit. We were still in the middle of a crowd, and I needed to find a way to step back from the intensity of the moment.
My searching mind remembered his comments about my friend.
“I used to think Gia and Nikolas were opposites,” I said. “But I can see it’s not so simple. You’re right that there’s a selfishness in her, as there is in him. But isn’t that true of all of us?”
“You don’t act on yours, though,” he said.
“Of course I do. We all do, sometimes, in some things. And, anyway, I don’t think it’s pure selfishness to recognize you’re not suited to ruling. There’s a nobility in that honesty. She has no desire for power, and I admire that.”
“Even if that leaves the kingdom in Nikolas’s hands?” He gave me an unconvinced look.
Zeke might not know Gia had developed an actual plan to abdicate, but he hadn’t been friends with them for two years without seeing that she didn’t want her rank. And given he was more astute about both people and politics than I was, he had likely guessed the truth already. But while I wouldn’t confirm it without Gia’s permission, I couldn’t help arguing for her.
“Decades of resentment, anger, and pain won’t forge Gia into a better queen,” I said. “But they might turn her into someone who would do Tartora more harm than good. She wants the chance to use her strengths to do good in the world, and why shouldn’t she be allowed to? There are others with the strengths to rule—and maybe Nikolas can become one of them.” My mouth twisted to the side. “I know what it’s like to be always overlooked, a superfluous younger sibling. If he has the chance to step to the front, maybe it will change everything for him, too.”
“Maybe.” Zeke looked down into my eyes. “But why are we talking about Nikolas right now?”
I laughed. “Would you like to talk about the ball and the dresses and the flowers instead?”
“If you wish it,” he said promptly. “I’m willing to talk about anything you’d like. Especially if you promise you’ll come back to Tribe Nicabar with me.”
I froze, stumbling over the next step. Zeke halted as well, a beat behind, and ushered me out from among the dancers. Pressed against the stone balustrade, I fanned my hot cheeks, embarrassed.
“I’m going home after the tour, and I don’t want to leave you behind, Cadie,” he said. “I’m not asking you to commit to a life among the nomads—just a visit. I thought you wanted to travel and see life beyond Tartora.”
I looked out over the dim garden, almost hidden now in the evening gloom. The pull to say yes was overpowering. I could stay with Zeke, travel further, and even study freely. Among the nomads I wouldn’t have to hide who I was.
I opened my mouth to agree, but still something held me back. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Liara watching us from the other side of the terrace. Zeke wasn’t the only member of his tribe, and I didn’t know if trusting him was enough to trust them all.
“Think about it? Please?” he pleaded. “I’ll go get us some drinks and give you a minute to yourself.”
He disappeared before I could speak. I wished that a minute or two of solitude was all I needed to resolve my confusion. But I had already spent far longer than that wrestling with the question.
If it wasn’t for Airlie, I would have said yes by now. Once Zeke left, I would have no one to help me with my training. And eventually someone would realize I must be seventeen, and then the real trouble would begin. But I couldn’t commit to going to Tribe Nicabar when I had every intention of leaving to find Airlie. And it was Evermund and Tartora who were going to help me with that goal.
So didn’t that mean I owed them some loyalty? I felt loyalty toward Evermund, at least.
I stood up, hurrying along the balustrade, suddenly eager to be out from under Liara’s gaze, however distant. But the crowd pressed in on me, so I kept going, stepping down the shallow stone steps and into the garden.
Among the dim greenery, it was cooler, and I managed to draw an unfettered breath. I wandered slowly along, keeping close to the terrace and its lights, but enjoying the illusion of being on my own.
When I heard Zeke’s voice, I turned, though. Hurrying directly toward it, I ended up some distance from the steps, separated from where he stood by the balustrade. I intended to call out, suggesting he jump over and join me, but the sound of my name stopped me.
He wasn’t calling for me but referring to me in conversation with someone else. From my vantage point, I caught sight of him talking to his mother, the two of them visible in the light from the ball’s lanterns, although I was hidden in the dark of the garden.
“Have you seen Cadence? I left her here.”
“She’s looking particularly attractive tonight,” his mother said in an approving voice. “You should know better than to leave her unattended, son. I’m sure some other young man has stolen her off to dance.”
I grimaced. Now it would be awkward to reveal myself.
“Really, Mother.” Zeke sounded exasperated.
She patted him on the cheek, an unusually indulgent smile on her face. “Don’t worry. I’ve seen the besotted expression on her face when she’s looking at you. She’ll be back soon enough.”
I flushed, my hands fisting around my skirts. Is that what everyone thought of me? She made me sound like a foolish puppy, following Zeke around.
“I knew your looks and charm would serve Tribe Nicabar well,” she continued, distracting me from my own humiliation.
I frowned. What was she implying?
“I’m glad I meet with your approval,” Zeke said, although his voice sounded strained.
“Adolescents can be boringly predictable,” she said, “but you really do make an irresistible package for a young girl, considering not only your personal charms but the strength of your ability and your future rank.”
“My future rank is not a sure thing.” Zeke shifted slightly, moving out of my view.
“You leave that to me,” Annora said. “I haven’t worked my whole life to see us fail now. You just need to finish what you were sent to Tartora for—win the heart of the only remaining power mage and ensure she’s loyal to only you.” She smiled again. “As I said, I don’t doubt your success for a second.”