The stakes were high for both of us.
I admitted that I was nervous, too. Thornton Enterprises had a lot riding on the success of the show. The fallout could be detrimental to my business if things went awry. Likewise, it could be exactly what the company needed to be put front and center once more, after my father’s last decade of business brought things to a bit of a standstill.
Whiskey and bourbon would do that eventually.
We parked the car outside of a two-story kitchen and bar. It specialized in steak, Italian, and seafood, so I figured it would check all the boxes, depending on Laila’s preferences tonight. We got out of the car and walked up the path to the front doors, which were opened for us by a host who didn’t recognize either of us.
A good sign already.
Tonight, we could pretend to be anyone we wanted. We didn’t have to be the billionaire CEO or the goddess of the runway. We could be ourselves without the labels and expectations—not to mention interruptions.
We were escorted to a table by the window with views of the harbor. I pulled out Laila’s chair for her. She settled into her seat and I sat across from her. A fire burned behind her back, flanked by shelves of old books with gold font on the spines. This place felt timeless and modern all at once, with crisp white paint and trendy furniture that contrasted the rich tones of the hardwood floors and the old light fixtures.
To start off, I ordered us a bottle of red wine to the table.
After our server poured us each a glass, I made a toast. “To an evening of freedom.”
Laila tapped her glass against mine. “I’ll drink to that.”
We reviewed the menu and made our selections and then felt like we had room to breathe and talk.
I went first. “So, how did today go? You don’t need to give me details, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Or Casey. Or your dad, for that matter. It couldn’t have been easy for him to hear everything you had to say.”
Laila swirled her wine around. “Dad took it well. I didn’t realize that he knew she’d been using drugs recreationally for some time now. I also didn’t know my mother used to, as well. It turns out there were a lot of things Casey and I didn’t know about Mom, but I managed to convince him to share those things with us. It took him a while to start talking, but once he did I could tell he felt better for it. And so did Casey.”
“How so?”
“Well, I think it helped Casey realize where her darkness comes from.” Laila sipped her wine. “She’s always beaten herself up for not being able to walk the straight and narrow. I know she wants to do better, but she slips too easily. On one hand she’s afraid to try, but she’s also afraid to fail, so it’s a vicious cycle. She’s stuck. Hearing that our mom went through the same things? It was like she could breathe again because she knows everything turned out okay for our mom. She was happy. She had a family. She married the man she loved. I hope it showed Casey that things can change if you want them to.”
Her words rang in my ears.
Things can change if you want them to.
Had my old man ever wanted to change things? Was he like Casey, trapped in his own downward spiral, unable to claw his way out? Maybe he needed someone to shake him free. Maybe all he needed was a chance to do better.
Who are you kidding? Your old man never wanted to do better. He wanted to be who he was, without the family.
“So, your mom was a bad ass then?” I asked.
Laila let out a little chuckle and nodded. “She was. Dad pulled out some pictures of her I’d never seen before. We started with pictures of our family together and talked about all our family memories, and then when he was ready, he brought out this dusty old album full of pictures of our mother’s life before she met our dad.” Laila shook her head with a fond smile. “Pictures of her smoking cigarettes as a twenty-year-old rebel, dressed in leather, leaning against some guy’s motorcycle. I always knew my mother had an edge to her, but she had me fooled. She was so good at the domestic life. I think… I think my dad saved her from who she would have been without him.”
I studied the woman across from me as thoughts swirled behind her eyes. “Do you think Casey needs someone to swoop in, or do you think she can save herself?”
Laila licked her lips. “That’s the question, isn’t it? I suppose time will tell. I know she wants to be someone else, but she’s stuck. I guess in some way we all are.”
“How do you mean?”
Laila shrugged and turned her face to look out the window. Out on the harbor, a flock of ducks landed, leaving tracks across the water. “Sometimes I wonder how much control we actually have over our fate. I wonder if I’m where I’m supposed to be, if I’m on track, if the things I want will be within reach, or if I’ve sabotaged myself without even knowing it.”
“Well shit,” I breathed, “that’s deep.”
She smiled, but there was a sadness in her. “I know people don’t expect that from me.”
“How do you mean?”
She looked away again, as if meeting my eye was unbearable for her. “People don’t expect the model to have depth, or ambitions, or dreams of her own family. I love my career, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I resent it. I think it has made everyone misunderstand me. The world thinks I’m vain and shallow. They think I’m a self-obsessed girl with no prospects, and once my beauty fades, I’ll be nothing. No one.”
How had she been carrying these feelings around with her all this time without showing any cracks of doubt?
“You’re not shallow or self-obsessed.” My tone was level and firm, but deep down I wanted to yell these things at her to make sure she could hear me. It felt desperately important for her to understand that I did not, and had not ever, believed these things about her. “You jumped in to help Ellice Knight the other night without even thinking. You dropped everything to help your sister and be there for your family. You’ve given me so many gifts, too. Please, don’t ever believe what your inner critic is saying to you. No offense, but she sounds a bit dense.”
To my surprise, Laila laughed. Another surprise? There were tears in her eyes. She shined like a star in the night sky sitting across from me. How was I lucky enough to be in her presence like this? To see her glow? To feel her light on my skin?
Laila wiped the corners of her eyes with her thumbs. “If we’re playing the game of ‘things we think the other person should know,’ I have something I’d like to share with you.”
“Uh oh.”
“I don’t think you’re anything like your father.”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I hadn’t expected them, and they left me scrambling. While I tried to make sense of the tight feeling in my chest and the spinning thoughts in my head, our server came with our meals and left them in front of us.
Laila seemed willing to give me the time and space to sort myself out. She took her napkin off the table and draped it over her lap. She twirled pasta around her fork and took a bite, closing her eyes as she savored the morsel.
It was easier to talk to her when she wasn’t looking at me.
“I don’t know if I believe you,” I blurted out.
Laila frowned before she opened her eyes. “Why not? You think I’m just saying it to say it?”