But I did fight. It didn’t stop anything and even when the pain bit into my arms, I struck back.
“Sedate her.”
“It’s been a couple of days,” Freddie said, sitting down with me again. There was light dappling the gray, but it was hard to care. I couldn’t even float now. Chains kept me in place. Chains and ice. It would just be so much easier if they’d let me float away.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “I think I got lost.”
“Well, I’m here with you,” he told me and covered my hand with his. “Maybe we can be lost together.”
Surprise rippled through me. His hand was warm. Warmer than the dappled room with its glittering light that made my eyes hurt. My throat was dry too.
“You’re touching me.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
I had to think about that. Did I? “You don’t like touching people.” I wasn’t even sure why I knew that. It felt right, though.
“You’re not people, Boo-Boo.”
Oh, that was fair. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure. I’d like you to tell me all the things.”
I laughed. It wasn’t funny and at the same time, it was. “You guys keep coming to talk to me and it’s getting quieter. Like…I can’t hear you as much anymore.”
“Well, we gotta be quiet right now.”
“You do?” Why? Only that last word wouldn’t come out.
“Yeah, for a little while.”
“Okay, I’ll be quiet with you.”
He sighed. “Boo-Boo…”
“Miss Sharpe,” the doctor said and this time he sat right in my line of sight. “I wanted to talk to you about how you are feeling today.”
“Okay.”
I let him talk. He didn’t care what I had to say anyway.
“Hey,” Freddie said and surprise dislodged some of the static.
“Freddie?”
“Yeah, it’s me, Boo-Boo.” He clasped my hand again.
“You came back.”
“I’m here. I’ll be here tomorrow, too. I promise.”
No one could promise that. No one. I wish they could. “My arm hurts.”
“What happened?”
What had happened? “I don’t know. I don’t even know why it hurts.”
Freddie blurred as I blinked, trying to bring him into focus. Head tilted, he seemed really focused on me. “There she is…”
“Yep, here I am.” It seemed silly to say it, but the corners of his mouth twitched and I swore my heart did a fist bump with my ribs. “I miss you so much.” The words escaped. “I miss all of you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” He squeezed my hand. “I told you not to go. Remember?”
“I had to.” Another sigh. “I can’t talk about this here.”
“No?” He cut his gaze away from me. I would turn to look but it took a lot of effort to look at him here. “You can tell me anything.”
“No,” I said. “I can’t. It’s not safe.”
“Boo-Boo.” This time when he squeezed my hand, he pulled my gaze to his. "I’m here to get you out of this place.”
“That’s really sweet, Freddie.” So incredibly sweet and it made me so sad.
“Hey, why are you crying?” His eyes changed and so did his hair. Nothing was real here. Not even floating. “Boo-Boo... godfucking dammit if that asshole comes over here now…” The last few words came out on gritted teeth.
I went still though, maybe Freddie needed to hide. I got that. I wanted to hide, too.
“Is it okay now?” It had been a few minutes and Freddie hadn’t moved. My lips were dry and so was my mouth.
“Yeah,” he said slowly, then cut his gaze back to me. “C’mon, Boo-Boo, you all here with me now?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I don’t want to be.”
“With me? Or here?”
“I like you,” I said then winced.
“I like you too, what are you afraid of?”
I shook my head. “This isn’t a good place and it’s not safe. You shouldn’t be here.”
“That’s both of us,” he told me firmly. Freddie being serious was weird. It made my heart hurt a little. The pain crept in under the number and the static, like pins and needles stabbing me as I woke up. “And I’m getting us out of here. I just need you focused, Boo-Boo. Can you do that?”
“It’s really sweet,” I told him. Had we had this conversation? “So sweet. No one’s ever tried to before. But it won’t work.”
He frowned. “Come on, don’t fade on me. How much shit are they juicing you on?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “The feeling comes and goes. It’s coming back now. It shouldn’t be. I don’t even know why…”
“Well, it might be cause I’ve been pocketing your pills,” Freddie admitted.
Pills? I had pills? I frowned. “Why would you do that?”
“Cause I need you to wake up. I need you to hear me.”
“I could hear you before.” I sighed. “Freddie, don’t do this. It won’t work. My uncle always wins. It doesn’t matter how much I hate him. He’s trying to take it all away again and it’s fading…I don’t want you here because I don’t want you to fade too.”
“How does your uncle always win?”
A giggle escaped. He was so serious, so intense, so—unFreddie it was almost scary. At the same time, he was Freddie. I put a finger to my lips.
“Boo-Boo, tell me about your uncle.”
“Can’t,” I whispered around my finger. “Not supposed to talk about that. Can’t ever talk about it. Bad things happen when I tell.”
His whole face changed, his smile vanished and his eyes went cold. It was the gray, it was coming to fade him and I shook my head.
“Shh, no more—we don’t talk about him. Not here.” The more I woke up the more it all hurt. “It’s time to go Freddie…you can’t stay here with me.”
The frown he wore worried me. Then Janice came and she glanced down at me. “It’s time to go, Miss Sharpe, are you ready hon?”
“Yes,” I answered. Freddie cut his gaze from me to Janice and back, but I tugged my hand away from him and pretended he wasn’t there. If he wasn’t there, they couldn’t take him away from me.
“It’s time for a treatment. The doctor is worried about your progress,” she said as she wheeled me out of the room. I could barely walk anymore. That was fine. Soon, I’d be floating again. They would all be safe and hidden away. The cold room was waiting for me and the ice was in my veins. Hands gripped me and lifted me.
Fighting served no purpose, no matter what Liam said.
“Did you make a new friend today?” Janice asked as she pulled the blanket over me. Not that it helped with the cold. The shivering had already started and the gray edged my vision.
“What?”
With a gentle smile, Janice leaned closed. “The young man you were talking to? Did you make a friend? Don’t worry—I won’t tell. I think we could all use a friend.”