She looked at Jack and she saw that person. She didn’t love him, but maybe in time she would. If they decided to remain as one.
“You know what I am,” he said in a flat voice.
“A bard?”
“A bastard. I have no father, no proud lineage, no lands. I have nothing to offer you, Adaira.”
“There is much you can offer me,” she countered, heady from the mere thought of his music. Spirits below, he had no idea the power he wielded. “And those things you mention don’t matter to me.”
“But they matter to me,” Jack said, with a fist over his heart. He leaned closer to her, so that their breaths mingled. “People will be appalled when they realize you want to marry me. That you chose me. Out of all the men in the east, I am the most unworthy.”
“Let them,” Adaira said. “Let them be appalled, let them talk. Let them say whatever they want. It will soon fade, I promise you. And when it fades … it will be you and me and the truth. And that is all that matters in the end.”
She studied his face—the faint lines in his brow made from a stern countenance, the press of his lips, the brown hair dangling over his left eye—and realized he was still unconvinced. He was debating if he wanted to accept her or not, and Adaira didn’t know what she would do if he refused her. She didn’t need him; she could rule the east on her own. Likewise, she could ask another man to marry and accompany her into the west. But in some deep, hidden place she had found that she wanted her husband to be him.
She had thought it wiser and more enticing for both of them to offer him a handfast—a marriage by trial, which would last just over a year. If they came to hate one another again, they could part ways and be no longer bound by oath when the agreement ended. Or they could remain wed and take a blood vow, if they desired it.
“All of this,” he said. “Marrying your ‘old menace,’ choosing to bind yourself to me—someone far beneath you. All of this trouble only to visit and establish trade with our enemies? Why wouldn’t you choose a partner who could be your shield? A member of the guard, perhaps?”
He’s being ridiculously logical, Adaira thought. She wondered how to reply to him. She wanted to tell him that she could see through him—he was holding to logic in order to keep his emotions at bay. But then she saw the glint of doubt in him. She saw the hurt in his eyes. He was hiding a wound. He had never felt claimed; he had never felt as if he belonged here. She vividly remembered him saying those words to her.
“You’re right,” she said. “I could choose a member of the guard to bind myself to. I could choose anyone in the east who is eligible. Yet there’s a problem with such a choice, Jack.”
He was quiet. She could sense the battle raging within him, to remain aloof and uninterested, or to ask her to explain.
“What problem do you speak of, Adaira?” he eventually said.
“None of them are the one that I want,” she breathed.
She hadn’t been this vulnerable with someone in a long time. It was terrifying, and she could feel the heat in her skin, the flush creeping over her. Because Jack was silent.
“I know you have a life on the mainland waiting for you,” she rushed to add. “I know that our handfast would keep you away longer than you wanted. But the clan needs you. You can take up the mantle as Bard of the East, and even if we choose to end our marriage after a year and a day … you would remain bard here, should you desire it.”
Jack was like stone.
Adaira must have miscalculated. He must still detest her and the clan.
When she made to rise, he stretched out his hand, as if to touch her, but then he hesitated, just before his fingers could caress her hair. “Wait, Adaira. Wait.”
She paused, thinking her knee would be completely out of socket by the end of this tumultuous night. But she watched the hint of a smile overcome his face, and she was stunned by the beauty of it. The promise that gleamed within him, a man who rarely smiled.
“I honestly don’t even know what to say, Adaira.”
“You say yes or no, Jack.”
He covered his mouth with his hand, hiding his mirth, and stared at her with his ocean-dark eyes. But he rose, and he took hold of her fingers, bringing her with him, up to her tingling feet.
“Then my answer is yes,” he whispered. “I’ll marry you by handfast.”
Relief rushed through her. She nearly sagged, and then felt how near he stood to her, so close she could feel the warmth of his body.
“Good. Oh, that reminds me, bard,” she said and took a graceful step back, their hands still fastened. “I have a condition.”
“Gods,” Jack groaned. “You couldn’t tell me your condition before you asked me to wed you?”
“No, but you won’t mind.” Her eyes flickered to the bed behind him, and the words nearly caught in her throat like a bone. “Once we’re married, we keep to our separate beds. At least for now.” When she met his gaze again, she couldn’t discern if he was disappointed or relieved. His face was as composed as music, a language she couldn’t read.
“Agreed,” he said and squeezed her hands before releasing them. “And now I have something to say to you.”
Adaira waited, her heart beating far too swiftly for her liking. Jack was staring at her, as if he were about to divulge dire information.
“Well?” she prodded, bracing herself for the worst. “What is it?”
“Quite impatient, aren’t we?”
Adaira frowned, but she saw the amusement shining in his eyes. “You have made me wait quite a bit tonight, old menace.”
“Only for a minute or two,” he replied. “For which you will now have me for an entire year and a day, so I think it was worth the wait.”
“Time will tell, won’t it?” she quipped.
Jack snorted and crossed his arms, but she sensed he was enjoying their banter. “Perhaps I should tell you my news tomorrow then.”
“But tomorrow already has enough trouble planned,” Adaira said, biting her lip to resist begging him.
He grinned. She had never beheld such joy in him, and she almost reached out to trace his face.
“Then let me tell you now, heiress. I would be honored to play for the clan as Bard of the East.”
She swallowed, struggling to hide her elation. But a smile broke across her lips; she could feel tears pricking the corners of her eyes.
“That’s good news, Jack. Perhaps we can have a ceremony for you, and we can—”
“No ceremony,” he gently interrupted. “When I become your husband, I also become the clan’s bard. Don’t you agree that is best?”
Adaira nodded, rubbing her collarbone. “Yes, you’re right. This will help temper the clan’s expectations as well, since you might only play for a year and a day. I know there is a chance of you deciding to leave if our handfast breaks, and … yes, the clan should know that.”
Jack was silent for a beat. But his eyes held hers, and he whispered, “I think it’s fair enough to say that I won’t be returning to the mainland, Adaira.”
She breathed in his words and held them deep within her, uncertain how to respond. “Are you certain, Jack? You might change your mind a few months from now.”